Just self-harmed for the first time in a few months

Pretty disappointed in myself. Sometimes it feels like I dont want to get better, like some sick part of my brain is saying it’s a valid coping mechanism as long as I keep it under control and don’t let it get too far. What I really want is someone to talk to. I want to see a therapist so bad. I don’t like talking about myself to my friends; they dont need to know about my problems and they shouldn’t have to care. But if I pay someone to listen, I won’t be wasting their time. It’s the perfect solution, but the only problem is my parents don’t know about pretty much any of my problems and I absolutely cannot tell them. So essentially i keep it inside so as to not burden others with my sht but it always ends up coming back up at full force and then i self-harm to quiet all the noise in my head. It’s a fun cycle

*no its not

Feel free to send me a private message. I got a lot of life experience under my belt. I don’t know you them or your problems so I can remain unbiased.

I don’t know how old you are, but please be honest with someone real in your life about this. You don’t have to do this alone.

It’s rare that I meet someone else recovering from self-harm on these boards. So I feel really bad to hear that you’re still struggling, but I also feel solace that we’re recovering from this together.

“Some sick part of your brain” saying it’s a valid coping mechanism might well be coming from a grain of truth. Self-harm is undoubtedly a coping mechanism. I’m not angry with you (or myself) for coping and surviving; I hope you’re not angry with yourself either! What helped for me was fourfold - discovering what feelings I was trying to cope with, learning (/slowly and arduously/) to step back from those feelings and observe them without acting on them so I knew exactly what outcome I needed from a coping mechanism, observed the positive things I thought cutting was doing for me, and replaced that with a coping mechanism that preserved the positives without the obvious negatives.

I know you’ve probably read all that already on the same self-harm recovery blogs I have, and I have felt so alone that I was paralyzed by all the emptiness on all sides of me with nobody to reach out to, and I have rolled my eyes and scoffed at the suggestion that I just needed to start wearing elastics around my wrists or scream into a pillow or whatever. It won’t fix the root of the problem. I get that.

I don’t know. Does “you’re not alone” feel like a useless platitude? What I mean to say is I hear your story and it resonates very strongly with me because I think I’ve been there. And as long as I’m still around, I don’t want any of my people (and I consider other addicts and self-harmers to be my people just as much as other gays, folks of my ethnicity, etc. are “my people”) to needlessly feel that way.

You’re still here. You’re doing great. Inbox me any time. :v:t3:

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Why can’t you tell your mom… Or dad

Because they’ll never look at me the same way. I dont know. I dont want to ruin the image of their daughter that they have in their heads. I know it would kill them, and to be honest, i really dont think they would understand. My mom has said many things about people with mental health issues and things like that, and talks about it in a way that gives off a kind of… i dont know how exactly to put it, but like, disapproving vibe about it? I dont know. They just would never expect something like this from me and i cant tell them.

Baby… Your parents are not your ultimate Father God!.. Tell them … you are looking for attention… Your mom or dad might be cutters , ask them, Please do not go to others whom will use you… Please; God in heaven, protect you in Jesus name…

I tell you what… You go to a Church of God… Let Him comfort you like He comforts me…

Assembly of God.

Why are you… Let me tell you this!!.

I am messed up but boy to cut pain is beyond the pale…

I tell you what… We all have demons that oppress us… And your mom and/or your dad may have been cutters. Ask them … Straight out… These are familiar spirits that create our ,proclivities, the things we do wrong…

Me is alcohol. You ought to see my brothers…

My grandpa died at 54 … Not good.

Break the Chain. Look for a break the chain ministry…

I get that. I really do. And I get that getting better is new and scary even when u know it’s a good thing. Honestly, it does help. It doesn’t mean it’s good, but it is definitely a coping mechanism. The key is to find new ways to cope. For me I exercise, bake, talk to people about random stupid things, and watch the office, lol. I still do cut some, but it’s less and I’m working on it. Also, don’t be mad at yours for doing it again. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to try. And you are. A month is a long time and that’s really impressive. And maybe next time it will be more. Maybe it won’t. Who knows? Situations change. You just have to keep trying and don’t beat yourself up about it. Just try to move forward. This whole thing has been extremely hypocritical, lol, but hopefully I at least made sense if not helped. Oh and also, the more people know, in my experience the better. It means more help and support. Which is good. Sorry it’s long>_<

100/100 agree with you. Your parent’s love is unconditional. Others’ might be not. Please. Re-set your relationship with your parents, start again on true sincere basis. Do mot believe you will let them down, they will be gratefull for that. Please allow them to be close to the true you. Do not let’em live in a fake/false relationship with tho one is most important for them on earth