Hi everyone, ive had a couple of good rounds but i cant manage to stay sober for more than a couple of months. Then as soon as i relapse i hit it hard and feel like i might die from the anxiety and panic attacks. Its usually in a social situation where i crack. Ive tried Campral - that worked for a while. I feel useless and depressed. Why cant i only just have one or two why do i drink till I drop. Addiction sucks - and i geel like its going to beat me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated - today its day one for me and id like it to be my last day one and to get better and stronger from here xx
When new to sobriety you need to stay absolutely far away from any social situation that alcohol is involved, your not educated enough yet in beating your addiction, 1 drink is still too many when we are like we are, I’ve been there, I make deals with myself, the booze, and the women I loved, to keep it in my life, the only one that didn’t get hurt in the deals was the alcohol, I’m now sober but alone, stay away for a while and get stronger first
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I have to agree with @Crixus320 if you’re relapsing during social events, don’t go. You need to make the decision that sobriety is more important.
Hang in there and come here often. Keep checking in. Lots of great people on here to give you support when needed! If you don’t have a sponsor, get one. Or a list of people you can call before you take that first drink.
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Completely agree with @Crixus320 and @Elisabeth .Going to bars or situations where alcohol is involved is dangerous. You have to be willing to make changes in your lifestyle and not keep doing the same thing expecting it to be different…
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Thanks guys - really appreciate the help and support. I always dissed the idea of AA (Went once and found at the time it wasn’t for me) but maybe its time to check it out again x
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Going back to AA won’t do any harm. Best of luck be safe
Hey @Katie ive tried AA numerous times in the past and feltvthe same way . But ive gone back to give it another try . Been to 2 meetings and heading to another tonight . This time its different . Im going in with a more open mind and not over thinking it .feels so much better. Just focusing on identifying with the people there rather than trying to create an impression of who I am . I come away feeling normal .like I am like everyone else instead of being the outcast that cant drink . I come aways feeling relaxed and with less anxiety about not drinking .I have found I sleep better that night . 
That’s great. Keep going it will get better and yes it’s good to meet people with the same prob. It makes it easier to stay sober and you are no longer alone. Be safe give my regards to your group Shazzzam
Thanks Shazzam, Im going to see if theres one close to my work. God - i dream of a good night sleep. I feel like i haven’t slept well in years. Im on my second day - still have shakes and a racing mind but i know after the weekend ill feel better. Ive got a few social events - weddings and engagement parties that i cant get out of, hopefully i can make it. Will keep checking in - the forum helps xx
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Just remember the old cliche that “sobriety is a journey and not a destination”. Sobriety takes time. It took you a long time to get hooked and you’re not going to get clean overnight. When you have a relapse the way you respond to it is THE most important thing. Don’t beat yourself up. Just get over it, get back up, and keep moving forward. Be proud of your clean days. Remind yourself that yeah, so you relapsed in a moment of weakness. So the fuck what. Look at the killer ratio you’re holding down. 90 sober days for every one or two relapse days. Keep a stiff upper lip. You’ll be just fine.
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That’s what I did. Going to events early in sobriety is never recommended, but I had to go to Vegas (Christmas gift) and a retirement party (open bar).
I was on here often when I was struggling. People here are so amazing and supportive. I didn’t want to disappoint them and myself the next morning. 
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Thanks again - last two messages are great. Im an hour off day two. I have an engagement party to go to tomorrow night but will have hubby w me so that will help. Hes usually pretty supportive xx thanks again everyone xx