It’s been 2 months, 3 days, 20 hours since I’ve held my son. Some people might say that keeping track like this is just making things more painful and difficult, but in a way it’s almost soothing. It’s too easy for all those days to blur together and feel like forever, and forever feels hopeless. I don’t know how long it will be before I can see him again, but knowing how many days,how many hours, since I’ve seen him keeps me focused on the fact that it hasn’t been forever, and it won’t be forever until I can hold him. I don’t know the day but I know it will come.
It’s also been 29 days, 11 hours and 40 minutes since I woke up after my last relapse and reset my timer. Tomorrow I pick up my 30 day key tag from NA. That means I’m halfway to getting my 60 day, and a third of the way to my 90 day. It doesn’t feel quite so far away when I look at it like that.
No matter how hard this may get, I think of my son and he’s worth every minute - all 42,466 minutes of sobriety (according to this handy little tracker app)
The most amazing thing is that I think I’m starting to believe that I’m worth it, too.
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