Actually, I agree with you hiding your support system from her…especially after what you shared. You’re hiding something good that helps you so she won’t take it away. This is understandable. In your post, you answered every question I had.
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Another day. Hi everyone. Still have no desire to act out. Still have no desire to fantasize. Went out with the family last night for burgers. Still tempting to oggle at other women. But I’m very happy with myself over the past few weeks.
I’m feeling even more hope today than I did a few days ago. Not going to be worried about staying sober for a year or more. I trust that I can stay sober today. And I’ll take it.
Words really cannot express how much I appreciate you guys here welcoming me and supporting me. That makes a huge difference in my life. Did you know that this app is only about 9 months old? Very impressive to build up such a large membership in such a short time. @Robin, you did such a good job on this. Looks like your IT skills is truly helping thousands of people. Perhaps, it will touch millions after some time…
You guys are all great. Keep it up. And stay strong and sober. 
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Last night I finally worked out. I don’t know. I just finished cleaning up the clutter in my weight room downstairs and I just started lifting. It’s been about 2 years since I picked up those weights. Way too long. Maybe I’ll keep at it and get buff enough to post my pic on Sober Selfies 
Hey @KevinesKay that is so great! You should be proud. I used to exercise at home and had a routine years ago, the first time I lost a lot of weight. I was planning to start again and still have the dumbbells. I’m losing weight now, but mostly with diet, I want to add in exercise again. Thanks.
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Today I just can’t seem to snap out of my somber mood. I know that I should be grateful. I have a lot of tools at my expense to get through this.
So far, since my sobriety date, I have not felt the urge to act out. And I have not been entertaining fantasies. And I have been keeping custody of my eyes. Today, I noticed that I was having much better control of my eyes even during the warmer weather where women are wearing less clothes.
For many years, I’ve struggled with chronic relapsing. But to be honest with you, I grew accustomed to not taking my fantasy life too seriously. And looking back, I recognize how much it’s impacted my recovery. I said to myself, “who can control their thinking?”
But in my case, it was important. My fantasies and thinking progressed to acting out physically. How I think now determines what I will do in the future.
Upon reading a post from one of my old recovery journals, I thought it would be good to remind myself of something I shared. Sometimes, I can be my own best teacher.
I completed a grateful inventory. I wanted to share a few of them. These are what I call power gratitudes. These truly speak heavily to my soul and provide much motivation to stay on the right path.
Power Gratitudes
I am grateful for my wife. She has demonstrated a committed love that goes beyond feeling good. She loves me more than love itself. She’s always on my side; and I can have faith that she will never leave me.
I have a large immediate family with four great kids. It’s helped me to come out of my social and emotional anorexia; something that seemed to be an impossibility. My family has opened up the world around me, and provided more meaning to my life.
My painful experiences with sexual addiction and my recovery from it has provided me with a deeper sense of insight to the world around me. I’ve gain a better understanding to things that used to baffle me. Examples of such things are addiction recovery, God, and relationships with women.
Due to my recovery, I’ve gained more love for myself than ever before. I’m not as dependent on others to provide love for me.
I have friends in my online forum, my church, my work, and my family that love, accept, and appreciate me just for who I am. I can be honest with them without fearing rejection.
My experience and recovery are providing me a greater sense of purpose in life. I feel God’s pleasure when I’m honestly sharing my successes and weaknesses to others. This is benefitting both me and others around me; and that makes me feel good.
Although most people would not give any credit to their addictions. I must admit that my addiction gave me a way to cope with the stress of my life at an early age. It allowed me to cope with my anger, lonliness, sadness, and frustration. It has kept me alive. My addiction has forced me to be honest with myself. It has told me things like no other thing has. It has always been reliably there during my times of helplessness. I may not need it in my life any longer, but I have to give it credit for helping me through up until this point. And for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for letting me share.
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04/09/17
Prayer. 7
Bible. 6
Worship. 5
Pray with wife. 3
Clean. 5
Workout. 2
Family. 3
Read with girls.
Outreach. 1
Forum. 7
Wife.
Work.
39 points for last week. Getting better…
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Keep up the hard work! Your determination and resolve is an inspiration to all of us, as we continue to fight our own battles.
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I’m shopping at Walmart right now and it’s taking everything I’ve got to not check out the women. You talk about temptation? It’s everywhere today for me. I’m the kind of person that can get pretty high on oggling. Not good for me to start again now.
In the sexual addiction community, they have this thing called the 3 second rule. Quite frankly, if I took a full 3 seconds for each woman in this store, I could be here all day. No, it’s best for me just to keep my eyes to myself.
My outer circle reminds me to accept and appreciate a woman’s physical beauty, but to also appreciate who she is on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level.
That’s something that took a long time to see. It comes off as very miraculous to me. The fact is …
every person is a miracle
Thanks for hearing me out. Feel much more centered. Now I can finish my shopping and move on to enjoying the rest of my Easter.
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Just got done with our Easter egg hunt a couple of hours ago. We do it outside in the dark using flashlights. It’s fun!
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Haven’t had much thoughts on my mind to share on my thread. Was a good day today in that my mind and eyes were in a pretty good state today.
The thought of acting out still disgusts me. Been doing a lot of reading like @Shattered_dreams and @Oliverjava have mentioned. Result, absolutely no desire to go back into the porn sites.
Wish it was this easy all the time, eh? Believe me, it’s never been easy to kick this habit. Just going to take each day as it comes. Keep posting. Keep talking care of myself. And keep reading. Need to remind myself daily that I belong in a better place now. Take care, everyone. Have a good night. 
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@KevinesKay keep it up. Reading really helps to put things in perspective to me. I know in my addiction and even in my early recovery; for lack of a better words I wasn’t aware of the harm to myself or others, I didn’t have conviction and I surely didn’t have willpower. Exploring my habits, routines and compulsions I have learned to change. I want to say it’s blue printed and permanent, but I’m going to continue to apply myself like I’m tested everyday. I guess on many levels I know all the answers, I just need to continue to focus.
I was once told by a mentor, "Piss poor planning provides piss poor performance/results.
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Today I have the day off. First one in over two months. Being that I’ve been falling a little behind in my to-do list, I’m doing what I call, Run the Rack. It means that I concentrate on getting every activity possible done today. I’ve got the time. It will be spent well this way. I’ve already did a workout, read my Bible, did some cleaning, and I changed the oil on one of our cars. Later, we’re going to the movies. We got free passes to see the Smurfs. Thanks everyone. You’ve been given me such great, needed inspiration and encouragement. Have a happy sober day.
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My to-do list for the week.
04/16/17
Prayer. 7
Bible. 6
Worship. 5
Pray with wife. 3
Clean. 3
Workout. 2
Family. 4
Read with girls.
Outreach. 3
Forum. 7
Wife. 2
Work.
Total 42
I’ll take it.
Nice! I think you said getting in the 40’s is one goal right?
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This is so interesting. I still dont fully understand why it’s useful to see it as the same as drug ir alcohol addiction, but I also think, whatever works is good. Seems like it’s partly tied up with a particular religious worldview, and partly with specific kinds of shame. I personally dont experience sex, masturbation, fantasies or porn as problems, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship. If theres a god, I think she is fine with it. But just in terms of gender, I think women are more likely to have eating issues which can feel addictive, and/or shopping and hoarding issues. All those have some of the same conceptual tangle as sex: everyone eats, but it can start to take over your mind in destructive ways.
That’s right. The points racked up this week. Thanks for noticing.
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Hi @Blueroom. Thanks for your thoughts. For a long time I couldn’t imagine someone NOT being addicted to sex. I mean, it felt so good. But that was my unhealthy self talking.
This addiction really is so much like any other. I can so relate to the struggle, the relapse, the withdrawal…
There are studies showing how porn addicts have gotten really good at altering the brain chemistry when acting out. Endorphin and dopamine levels skyrocket in the brain causing a high. And it’s addictive. I know that all too well. And it’s dectructive. I’ve caught an STD, I destroyed a marriage, I failed classes at school, I put my job in jeopardy, I got arrested. And yet, I still find myself coming back to it. Sounds familiar?
And being a part of this community has been so powerful. You don’t know how uplifting and encouraging you all are. I wouldn’t be sober without you. I know that now. So thank you. You’re saving my life.
Step 1: we admitted we were powerless over addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
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I havent done any of those things. No lost jobs etc. I guess it helps me understand how there is a wide range of experience about what we think addiction is. I didn’t hit any kind of bottom with alcohol. I functioned fine. But it was still not good for my liver. Im partly coming at this with the thought that even “moderate” drinking can be physically harmful, and thst seems to me very different from masturbation.
I had a boyfriend who always worried about masturbation. It was a little puzzling to me, and made me feel he wasnt seeing his real issues. I had another boyfriend who was hooked on phone sex. It was a problem because he was secretive about it. I can see how those kind of behaviors can become an issue in relationships, if they’re hidden or if they feed off a person’s narcissism.
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@Blueroom, you are so right on about the addiction keeping us from seeing our real issues. I just wanted to stop, and God had a different agenda for me, like dealing with my social and emotional anorexia. My addiction is actually just a symptom of a deeper problem.
You don’t share the same addiction, but from what you’ve shared, I can that it has impacted your life via your experiences with previous boyfriends.
Secrecy is a common factor in sex, porn, and masturbation addiction. And I’ve interacted with 100’s of SOs that are crushed by the lying and betrayal due to the addicts’ behaviors.
Thanks for sharing. You remind me that there is another world outside my world of sex.