I’m torn about a little road trip I have planned next week. It’s more of a sight seeing and educational vacation for the kids rather than a relaxation vacation. I’m excited for the quality time and the experiences. I am very worried about my husband’s drinking ruining it. We are staying one night in Amish country, where I am willing to bet that drinking excessively isn’t well received. I’m considering asking him not to come, but that feels mean since it is a family vacation and the kids would miss him. Anyone have experience with this or skipped out on a family vacation because of being afraid to drink too much? I am overly excited to finally be able to give the kids the time they deserve and my husband isn’t anywhere near that.
Hi @kjm, I can understand you being hesitant,but I also see the other side. I am now looking back and see quite a few things that I messed up with my kid because of the drinking.Most of it I didn’t even realize at the time. This stuff causes you to only focus on yourself. So I see your thinking. On the other side it’s not a family vacation if he is excluded,and I feel it may likely drive him further into the drinking. In the future do you want to talk about the vacation we took and left dad at home, with your kids. Don’t know kids ages or the history here, just wondering what it says to them. Again just looking at both sides.just M.O. Thoughts with you as you make this decision.
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I appreciate it. thank you. I was hoping for that perspective from here . A friend and a family member questioned whether he would go since it is usually just the kids and I on outings, but vacations more than just a weekend he usually comes. I hadn’t considered him not coming until I was asked… my mind then traveled to worst case scenarios and wondered if I should do something different. I’ll try to find a sober moment today after work and tell him my worries to see what he thinks.
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I think your title says everything! Kids focused vacation means that it should be about them. Not about the alcohol induced haze. I’ll share how terrible my addiction/relationship had gotten at the end. So for the last year I was married my kids were in high school. Most trips the ex and I were not getting along mostly over my addiction. And she would suggest that I should exclude myself because we would just be miserable together anyway so I did. I stayed home and worked and drank. I missed out on family time because of my affair with vodka. Some of it I willing did some not so much, its complicated here. But even with this type of thing happening I was not capable of completely quitting. I tried so many times but never got it. So now that I’ve cried you a river I’m going to tell you I have no advice. On one hand he is the only one that can quit and doesn’t seem ready. Is it fair that you and the kids have to choose leave him home or be around booze NOPE. I would suggest the talk expect resistance but have a clear set of boundaries set. I can look back at my situation and see it was terrible on top of terrible so be strong for yourself and your kids. And pray he starts to get it. Best wishes
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I’ve definitely skipped out on family outings because of this- but more so because we were both actively drinking- and the trip would have gotten in the way of that. I don’t blame you for wanting to do a solo mission with the kids. Would he be ok with that- or feel left out? Also, if you could get him to commit to not drinking would he sulk the whole time? You’re in a hard spot, I think I can relate and I totally free for you. I’d be inclined to go on without him. I guess it depends on how he is when he drinks. If he picks fights that could suck. Can you tell him it’s an alcohol free vacation, and leave it up to him to stay or go? I don’t know. I feel like I’m not being very helpful probably. 
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update: my daughter asked if the Amish drink beer. I googled it and answered that some make their own alcohol. She told her dad that he will have to make his own beer with a hopeful tone. He said “that’s the least of my worries. I might not go”. She then came to me and said he doesn’t spend enough time with them, that he is always in a bad mood, especially when he drinks beer, and asked if he ever tells me how he is feeling. She then told me that she is worried that he will die from drinking too much beer. ugh. I wish I were in the position to leave with the kids for a little while, but I don’t think that would help her worries. I hate addiction.
Hey @kjm,glad for the update. Wanted to say am thinking of you and realize this is a tough spot you are in. Remember he has to make the decision to change for himself. Be supportive, he needs that but first off watch after the kids and keep yourself on the path. So,take care and keep us informed how you are doing.
thank you for the reminder. it’s difficult to find ways of being supportive, but I need to find them.
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