Kinda ashamed of the scars

So, I am looking for advice from former self harmers (or anyone really) on scar confidence. I have given it a lot of thought and I cant seem to get myself in the headspace to be okay with people seeing my scars. Its causing a lot of tension in my brain and its just a general stresser. My scars have always been something that I have been ashamed of, and they are kinda obvious. But I dont want to hide them forever, and I know that I cant hide them forever. Does anyone have any advice?

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I used to have the same problem, actually. I have a pretty bad one on my left arm that probably should have gotten stitches. I mean, it is THICK, and very noticeable if you take the time to look for it. Hard to hide. For a while I wouldn’t leave the house without a thick bracelet to cover it, or long sleeves. And for a while, that helped me cope with it. But then I started working on other parts of my life that I wanted to improve - getting in shape and exercising and doing strength training, getting my teeth worked on, reading self help books to improve my self esteem and such. And after a while of improving myself, I stopped thinking about it as much. I’m barely even aware of it anymore.

And honestly, I think the less you notice it and the less attention you give it, the less attention others will give it too

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I don’t have any good advice, I’m 38 and for work still wear long sleeves (thank god for air conditioning). With friends I wear short sleeves and no-one has mentioned it. With one friend I broached the subject and she had noticed but didn’t like to say. In the end, they are a part of ur body and people can notice them or not, and u can explain as much or as little as you like.

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Take your time with revealing them. Take baby steps.
Let me tell you how I told my biggest secret to others and how I can live with it now.
When I went to rehab, I ha a very poor self-image. So bad that I wanted to die. That self-image stemmed from multiple things, but mostly that I **redacted**. Everytime I thought of it, I’d start crying. I was certain that if anyone would ever find out, I’d opt out.
Two weeks into rehab I decided to tell my group. I cried like crazy and felt like I was my own victim and that there was nothing I could do about it, but telling it was a huge relief. Obviously took a lot of criticism for not taking proper responsibility :sweat_smile:
Then 5 weeks in, I told my mom and her now ex-boyfriend. This time taking my responsibility properly.
Then 6 weeks in, a rumour spread that I *redacted* (which I never even came close to). So I had to tell the truth to 80 people at once. That was too fast for me, so that memory still kinda hurts, but I was glad I didn’t have to keep that secret anymore.
Now I use this as an example for other people who deal with shame from their past. It’s open for the whole world that I *redacted* and I’m okay with that(after recent incidents not anymore). It’s such a big part of my life and it has shaped me to who I am today.

Just take it slow. Don’t push yourself, but wait until you’re confident enough to tell people you feel save telling. It hurts at first, but quickly will be very releaving

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I have scars literally covering every centimeter of my legs and thighs and they are very garish and obvious. Some pretty heinous ones on my wrists, and my back and shoulders (related to dermatillomania). The picking scars are harder for me to feel confident with, but as for the rest of my body I’ve just learned that they’re not going anywhere and people will get used to it. People hardly even comment on them now that I’ve gotten older so I honesty forget they’re so noticeable. If somebody makes a comment, it goes quickly and we can get back to not focusing on my body. It’s just something you have to learn to look past on yourself; if you’re not paying attention to them then people are less likely to pay attention to them.
Personally, I’ve begun the endeavor of covering my entire body in tattoos and that has been really healing, but I know that’s not everyone’s jam. You don’t have to be proud of them, but try to forget they’re there :black_heart: sending luv.

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My eldest daughter used to cut herself. It did cause problems at school, her thighs are covered and school wouldn’t let her wear track bottoms for games. So she didn’t do games. I don’t think she was ashamed so to speak but there were girls who noticed and teased her about them.
She used to always wear long sleeves as well because her arms are covered.
She is 22 now, and seems to not be bothered by them. She wears short sleeves all the time. I think she accepts that they are a part of her and gets on with it. They have faded compared to what they were.
I would say, from this, give it time. You may not, right now, be able to accept them. It’s all still too fresh in your mind, possibly?
But like any scars, mental as well as physical, they will fade over time.
I hope this helps. Be kind to yourself, and remember that these are part of what make you who you are today.
You have moved on, grown, but bear the scars.

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