Been not doing well. Sneaking alcohol, after having been replacing it with either nyquil or dramamine. Didn’t own up to anyone or myself that nyquil and dramamine are just new ways of trying to get fucked up til I realized how much of each I was going through… and how I was needing to take more and more of them to obtain the same level. Addicts, huh? We will find anything. I’ll come back after I get my medications dealt with this week at psych and start seeing a new therapist if my insurance will cover. Other than that, I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified to go to a meeting cuz of social anxiety. Just fucking tired of myself.
8 Likes
Was thinking about you today and now I know why. Sorry to hear about this 
️
3 Likes
Good luck, we will always be here.
5 Likes
Agreed with @anon59060877.
What helps me the most with anxiety around meetings is realizing that the intense anxiety I feel, all the awful physical and mental symptoms, is WORSE than anything that could happen in a meeting. If I stay not going to meetings I will continue to get these symptoms when I think about attending meetings. If I go, it might be tough but I will become less sensitive to that anxiety, AND I will get the benefits of going to a meeting.
People understand anxiety at AA. More than any group I’ve been to, including (ironically) the anxiety group I used to go to. If they haven’t dealt with an anxiety disorder themselves, they probably experienced anxiety during withdrawals or witnessed others’ anxiety second hand enough to get it. Even if they didn’t get it, it’s a diverse and highly accepting group of people, and they’re just glad to see someone seeking help.
I’m wishing you the best of luck and hoping to see you back soon 
8 Likes
Hey… don’t be too tired of yourself alone, bc guess what… I’m tired of myself too.
My fears, insecurities, and thoughts might be different, but our actions are the same. I don’t shame you for them, I understand you. I sympathize with you, hurt with you and want the same things as you. I’m tired of starting over too.
But…I don’t want to loathe in disappointment… or keep questioning which time will actually be the last time. How about we quit worrying about all of that together?
I have TERRIBLE social anxiety too. This app is my meetings. I can’t face ppl more or less ppl of my community.
Let’s focus on one day, one thought, one moment, and one action at a time. I’ve got your back… bc without that… I feel like I’ve got nothing too. ️
5 Likes
I’m glad you posted; I was worried about you.
I’m glad you are being honest about what you’ve been doing. Shame thrives in darkness.
I have terrible social anxiety. Thst’s a contributing factor to my becoming a drunk. Do you know where I now feel the least anxiety of any place in my entire life? My AA meetings. No one forces you to make small talk. Heck, no one forces you to say anything at all if you don’t want to. You can introduce yourself - or not. You can share - or not. What you will find is a bunch of people just like you…who struggle with alcoholism, anxiety, depression…you name it. You will find acceptance, support, and genuine caring.
I always, always feel more centered after I go to a meeting. It is often my favorite part of a day.
If you are subbing NyQuil for your booze, you are unlikely to be able to quit on your own. You probably already know that though, huh? I understand; when I look back at the ridiculous combination of medications I was washing down at night to sleep/fight the inevitable hangover? It is a bloody miracle I’m alive.
AA can help you. What do you have to lose by going? Thinking of you, my friend…️
6 Likes
Thanks everyone, I’m not happy with this setback obviously, but I have a strong feeling that I need to take a handle on whatever is really happening emotionally, if I don’t get that then getting sober will never really happen. Every time I slip, it is because of emotional garbage coming out. I will likely be back in a few days after I do some thinking and do my best to just walk into a meeting. Just walking in is the hardest part. Hell, just getting out of my car is the hardest part lol. I know I need a social support group. I really am alone in my town and even talking to long distance family or friends feels hollow. I can’t continue thinking I can just live in a vacuum and everything will get better on its own. I need to take all my own advice lol! How soon we forget, though.
8 Likes
While I’m not shocked to hear this, I am glad you’re coming to more and more realizations.
As addicts and alcoholics, honesty is not our strong suit.
The biggest barrier to your own sobriety is you, just like any of us. The rooms are filled with people just like you, like US. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Keep trying to be the better person you want to be, the more you do shit that is uncomfortable the more you’ll grow.
4 Likes
Also – a suggestion. You mentioned a new therapist…everything for me started with my therapist. Be completely honest with your mental health professionals, if you haven’t in the past. They are in a good place to help you get the help you need.
3 Likes
Hang in there. I have done all that too! I used to down robotesim when it had the good stuff. We do dumb shit to get off on anything. No telling how much damage I’ve done. Regardless, after mulling this board for 5 days, I too hate to make that brave step, out of the car and into a meeting to pick up a freaking white chip again. It’s humbling but I feel an honest start. I know I can’t do it without human interaction and it’s the only place that’s ever worked for me. I was welcomed again. Tomorrow, I reach a week but I was spinning emotionally just days ago. We can do this!
3 Likes
Please don’t give up on yourself. You are being honest with yourself and that is crucial to sobriety. You have awakened and you are aware of the situation now. You can do it and we are here to listen to you, give you support, and though love sometimes. Take care of yourself. You need you to accomplish this. Much love.
3 Likes
Hey take care …and look after yourself …and get back focused u know u can do it and we are here to support u
1 Like
No alcohol, or OTCs in 5 days. I got my klonopin prescription filled and I don’t want it either. It don’t need it anymore. I’ll just put them away for a rainy day when things are outta control with anxiety. I feel content. Still haven’t gone to a meeting in spite of my plans to do so. I just feel so cozy once I get home I don’t want to leave. I tried to get into some online video meetings, but couldn’t get the app to work, have to use my laptop instead. I feel weird being on a webcam for a meeting, its way more anxiety producing than hiding in the back of a room full of people, lol!
5 Likes
But at least with online meetings you can cover the cam and hide lol
1 Like
My psych appt is right now. Waiting to go in. I think I want to try Paxil, supposedly treats depression, panic, anxiety, etc. We will see what he says. I have a hard time figuring out if I’m hypomanic or just not depressed, so I need to talk to him about that too.
2 Likes
Good luck! I hope you get answers, and whatever adjustments you need.