I met a guy some months back. Back when I had about 3 months soberity. Month or so into it I started drinking again. He’s a heavy drinker. I relapsed at home alone, not while with him, but there are certainly some ties with him that induced my relapse. I don’t blame him, because I’m grown, but there’s a link.
Anyway, 17 days sober today. Facing medical issues as a result of 20+ years of binge drinking. I’m Still seeing him, although now he’s just stringing me along. I have so many different theories as to why. He blames himself for my last relapse, because he’s expressed it time and time again. You know, the pity me drunk talk. I also believe he genuinely cares and knows he’s jeopardizing my current sobriety. I think it’s just as hard for him to let me go, as it is for me to let go of him.
I know this man, I’ve listened deeply to everything he’s ever told me. I know tonight when he called me, that the excuse to not see me was a lie. I could hear and feel the sadness in his voice when he was making up this excuse. I respect that this is his way for caring for me.
Both of us being alcoholics, at the rip age of 48, neither of us can grasp the concept of honesty with ourselves, let alone each other. We both know what’s happening here, but neither of us can admit it or say it out loud. Me hurt and upset, I blocked him and deleted the months worth of messages. I know there will be text messages in my spam folder by morning and possibly unrecived calls, at which point he will know I’ve blocked him.
I wish I could bear a different alternative to this debacle, but I don’t think I can, nor do I encompass the skills. These are blatant, growth stunts that many alcoholics suffer from. For me, this frustration is what would normally keep me in the never ending loop of active alcoholism. Pure Despair!!
With all that said, support and advice is needed. Also, thanks for letting me write this out and post. It helps to write your thoughts, post and release.
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Good job on 17 days 
The first time I truly attempted to get sober, I didn’t understand the whole one year no dating thing. However, this time around with a recovery mind-set, I get it. It’s rough but it’s better to focus on yourself. Relationships take so much energy and time that we really should be putting it into recovery. Abstaining takes real focus and we have enough distractions with day to day life stuff much less with a relationship. It’s not forever and I think you’re doing the right thing. And then, sometimes, after a year our world and the people in it look very different. I applaud you for recognizing what needs to be done and moving forward 
Big hugs!
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