Let's talk about PAWS

Life in Recovery
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Hi Everyone. I am 35 days sober from Alcohol (primary DOC) and Valium (secondary DOC).

I can tell that most, if not all, of the acute withdrawal symptoms are over. My mind isn’t racing a mile a minute with overwhelming anxious thoughts. I don’t have the intense SI I was having, overwhelming despair, absolute inability to eat or sleep very much. Total despair and hopelessness.

Things have now turned into PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). I have my appetite back. I am getting sleep. Exercise every day. Active in my rehab group sessions. No longer overwhelmed by anxiety or despair. BUT…my current state of affairs isn’t a walk in the park either. I spend a lot of time ruminating over all of the utterly selfish and dickish choices I’ve made over my whole life that hurt people. Impulsivity and choices that have hurt myself. Spending a lot of time beating myself up, carrying decades worth of guilt and shame. Feeling scared and worried about my ability to stay sober. To manage myself through stressful events I know will come in my life. Imagining myself growing old…let alone happy…doesn’t feel possible. I worry A LOT about the future. Financial security. Being alone. Having a home (as I just lost another one). Memoeies flooding back through my mind of what I’ve lost and failed love and failed intimate relationships. Most of all the regret about straining the relationship with my kids. The poor ways I treated their mom. So…EVERY SINGLE FRICKIN’ DAY I go through this. Not all day and all night but at least once for a few hours.

I’ve learned this is not uncommon apparently. That with time (who knows exactly how long…6 months to 2 years) it will eventually go away as long as I work my recovery and stay sober. That eventually my life will get better. That eventually I can forgive myself as I actively change my life. That eventually my life will grow into something vastly different. Vastly better, than what it is now. Only if I’m sober. Only if I work my recovery day by day.

Does this sound familiar to anyone out there? Is anyone else struggling with this? Does anyone have any advice on what to do about it that you’ve personally benefitted from?

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Wow seemed like you read me from a book… You couldn’t have said it any better. How I’m handling it is I’m in recovery house treatment called ALL MY RELATIONS Through TOGETHER WE CAN. It’s an amazing place I’m just starting to talk about what I’ve done to my body through drugs and alcohol I found my peace through ceremony like sweats and spirit baths and of course AA meetings and NA … I hope this helps prayers to you thank you for your share

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Thank you for yours too. Keep on doing what you’re doing.

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This Post Acute Withdrawal stuff is kicking my behind these past few days.All I know is for the last 16 months exactly as of today I have been doing all types of work and seeing all the promises start to come true.For what it is worth i have all the reason to be grateful and really have become not only comfortable within my own skin but actively participating in other peoples sobriety as well really there is no reason from what people have told me that i should feel so miserable and my thoughts so hazy like nothing is making sense.
Usually I am filled with all types of energy loving my new found life as i should and dont mind going the extra distance for another addict alcoholic who is struggling.
But one day I woke up disatisfied with everything.The things i used get fullfillment from like going and participating in meetings,being of service work,

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I don’t know what your DOC is but it can take up to 2 years for the brain to fully heal back to normal serotonin and dopamine levels all things considered.

Hang in there, journal about your thoughts and feelings. Give yourself grace to feel down on some days but realize you how far you’ve come!

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