Way to go!!!
So today I did a 5k with my family but at the end I started thinking! Why is it at the end of these types of things do they offer free beer. Why not offer something else also?? Like a popsicle or ice cream??? Or even Gatorade. However I’d be “I finished my race now give me a hot fudge Sunday!!!”
Church today talked about half truths about who we are. So saying I’m an alcoholic sometimes makes me feel like that is all I am and all I will ever be seen it shown up as. However this sermon tells me that it’s only a partial truth about me.
What other things do I believe are truth about myself that I believe is all I am?
A judgmental person
Someone who finds a way to mess up everything
And on and on
Who truly am I and who are you truly?
I am a lover of people, an understanding friend, a good mom, I am artsy and someone who likes to help encourage others as much as I can while I help myself. A few weeks ago, I may not have been able to say so much but I have been journaling daily and in that I have to come up with one nice thing about myself. It really helps to change my perspective on things!
I made it to 9 months last Tuesday, not yesterday. First, I’m so amazed!! The last time I was sober for 9 months I had a baby. Which was 9 years ago. So Monday night my 12 year old tells me that she is self harming to cope with stress. She’s digging her nails into her arms and legs which is what I used to do until I was like 24. It threw me but I was okay, more worried about how I could help her find better ways to cope. Well come Tuesday I’m not a balanced as I hoped. I was hoping that I could walk into my meeting and feel better. But alas no. I feel my nails every time I move my hands when I place them on my legs. So I withdraw into myself which is a super great way to feel more balanced. Also I’m in a corner by myself not near anyone I know or sit by usually. Here I am in my usual AA meeting on Tuesday and I don’t want to stand up and get my chip. In fact I’m continually thinking “can I just not do this today and do it next week?” Also if I open my mouth to talk I’m gonna cry so I’m not going to say anything in this meeting. Which isn’t really like me. I leave and all I want to do is go home and drink, man did wine sound great right then. It was the hardest day I’ve had in regards to wanting a drink and then all the other personal me shit. It sucked!!
Anyway I get my chip and life moves on but now I’m thinking. I’m in this room where I’m expected, allowed and supported by people who want to hear my shit and I do not feel comfortable doing that outside of drinking. Maybe it’s time for me to find a new group?
3 years and like 8 months sober! I’m amazed. I
Haven’t been on the app for a loooooonnnnggg time.
Been doing great! Haven’t been having really any problems. My husband drinks and I’m fine. Occasionally I feel like I’d like a glass or wine or a cocktail with dinner but then I remember how crappy life was when I was drinking and how I never want to feel like that again!
Needless to say I’m back here because I’m at a huge flippin party. A big charity thing that I’ve been very, very drunk at and that I’ve been to in the past three years sober and have been okay. This time, not so much!!! It’s all around me and those stupid thoughts creep in. “I’ll be okay if I have a sip” or “only one drink” and my fav “it was so much fun!!”
No it fucking wasn’t. I was falling down all the time, getting sick on the way home, making an ass out of myself and generally messy. But man it’s hard in the moment (now) to remember all this.
But this is what this app is for and why I keep it on my phone!! So I can come here and vent a bit and remind myself that the version of me drinking is not who I am nor who I want to be!
Y’all are inspiring and remind me in my hardest situations that sobriety is my end goal! Stick with it!!! It’s so worth it!!!
Good for you Becky! Happy for you
Oh wow!!! 3 years and 8 months is so amazing!!! Congratulations!! You have so much to be proud of!!! And yeah, it is a fantasy that one drink, that ‘fun’…we know, we surely do, the true reality. We won’t get fooled again.