Today is day 11. It feels like week 11. Time moves so slow. Im tired. I struggle to get through the middle of the day. I feel like reminding myself not to drink is like reminding myself I have a friend I can’t visit or see anymore. Its heartbreaking. I am medicated for my depression and anxiety so i know that’s not the issue. I miss hanging out with my friend (alcohol). Then I shame myself for thinking how pathetic that is. I have kids and a husband. I should be enjoying them. But here I sit forcing myself to push through for reasons that get more watery.
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Welcome Amanda - for sure the first days and weeks are the hardest. And for me, grieving the loss of alcohol was a real phenomenon. Rather than focus on missing it, though, I had to find fulfilling actions to take instead. AA meetings and individual counseling fit the bill for me - they helped fill my day, reinforced my sobriety and got my mind into a much more positive attitude regarding the booze.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey!
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Welcome Amanda to TS.
You will find some great support and information here in our community. You are not alone with your feelings. You can come here, vent, read, share. As you say it’s like you lost a friend but not a real friend. Taking it one day at a time is all we do. Hitting the pillow sober tonight.
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The first few days to months are tough but please remind yourself why you are doing this. If you stay sober you will never have to:
Wake up with a hangover
Be too tired to play with your family
Have regrettable drunken fights/phone calls/text messages
Get back into that get drunk, have a hangover, drink to feel better cycle.
It takes a while to click but I got good at reminding myself what I was “missing”. That first drink always sound harmless but I try to visualize that first drink until the end of the night. Now I can easily transport myself to the stumbling around the house stage (in my brain not actually) when I think I want one drink.
Stick with it, we are here to help. Let us know what you need.
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I can relate to feeling like you lost a friend when you stop drinking.
It has taken awhile for me to realize Chardonnay was not a true friend. But instead was an abusive relationship. And i was the one being abused. It’s like the mean girl at school that pretends to like you. But spreads lies behind your back.
I completely understand these examples may not work for you. But thinking of wine as a mean girl helps remind me why i cant drink.
Hugs
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Welcome to my world. Soon time can pass quicker when you achieve more days. It’s going to be OK
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Hi Amanda 
So why did you give up alcohol, and why have those reasons become watery?
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I get you. A lot.
In my time I stopped talking with my ex best friend, who is drug addicted. It a lot hurted, but I knew it would only make my mental health and drug addiction worse, if I stayed with him. It hurted as fuck leaving him and knowing I wouldn’t help him, because he just in short doesn’t want any help. I was fucked up, but I had choice - to be way more fucked up and possibly die or save myself.
I decided for second choice.
You’re not alone. 
Hi Amanda, I am new to this app but have just read your post and wanted to reply. I am on day 99 today after many years and attempts to not drink again. Drinking has always been a big part of my life, as an ex rugby player! Birthday, have a drink. Funeral, have a drink. Weekend away, have a drink. Good day at work, have a drink. Bad day at work, have a drink. Unfortunately it became my best friend and isolated me from anything else in life. 4 weeks residential rehab helped me massively, we did group and 1-2-1 CBT (therapy) They made me realise I was using euphoric recall, always remembering the great times drinking. Now I just play the tape forward, imagine once you drink, one hour forward, 6 hours forward, 12 and 24 hours. I make myself remember myself with blackouts, sweating, shaking, vomiting and even waking up in my own feaces! I realised it’s not me saying just have a couple of beers, it’s the addiction talking!! I also never say I can’t drink anymore, I now say I don’t want to drink as I know what the result will be. The reason for this, if you say you can’t have chocolate, you then crave chocolate! Medication for mental health is also helping with not drinking and waiting for more CBT. Lastly, I have started to read lots of books. One I liked is the unexpected joy of being sober. It made me feel that I could still be a fun and interesting person without alcohol! I hope this might help but really you just need to find what works for you. Apologies for long post, stay strong and take every day, one at a time.
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Welcome tank thank for sharing your story
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Hi, yes rehab taught me to actually speak to real people, especially other people that can understand the daily struggles we all go through. I have done online meetings but for me, books are working the best. That’s a surprise as I have never been a big reader! But reading other people’s views and experiences have made me realise it’s not just me having crazy thoughts, emotions and behaviours. Everybody seems very supportive on here so that’s good.
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