Looking for love at the bottom of a bottle

I’ve had some crappy luck with friends. I feel like I need to get drunk to socialize and it’s been like that for about 14 years now and I’m 28. I’m a binge drinker so I go about the four or five days without needing to drink however I blackout when I do. I’ve quit for about 3 weeks at a time some periods but it’s getting really hard to go out and be productive in a society I feel like I can’t be sober in. I’ve been homeless on and off for the past 6 years. I usually remain in a stable environment for a year or two before I’m homeless again and I have a strained relationship with my family. I just got a job 4 months ago that I’m struggling to keep but I want to be the committed employee that they need so I can gain experience. I’m diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and bipolar, and my doctor just took me off most of my medications because they don’t work if I drink.

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Have you tried AA or similar meetings? It sounds like it would be good for you to get face to face with people that are going through the same thing. It will also give you a productive and social thing to do after work every day, taking away from time when you might drink instead.

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I thought that the answer to all of my problems were at the bottom of a bottle, I just had to keep drinking to find the right bottle. So I plowed through liter after liter looking for that one bottle. I did not have any other tool to throw at problems, big or small. Even “fun” occasions – were drinking occasions. One drink for you, a bottle for me.

I was on the verge of losing anything and everything in my life when I got sober, including my life. I won’t tell you it is easy. I won’t tell you that sometimes it seems that it all isn’t worth a damn and I want to hide from the world. But I can tell you that getting sober and working on myself (AA and regular weekly therapy) was worth all of the struggle to get here.

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Welcome. I am glad you are here. I hope you’ll stay a while, read, learn, and share your journey with us.

The life you describe seems challenging. To have a better life, you need to decide to be better. Better begins with sober. Sober you can take the meds to help with the mental illness, and a sober brain can heal and learn and grow. This stability will support you being a better employee, which will add stability to your financial situation. People with stable finances are less apt to end up homeless.

So be better. Say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink. If you say “no” to the first, there can’t be a binge. Sober is better. Start here.

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Welcome @Victoria_Childs !

Good of you to jojn here. I hope you will read a lot over here and find motivation and understandings that’ll help you change your life for the good…

That may be true, but it might be a wrong reasoning in my opinion. Especially when bipolar, lithium medication can be a world of difference.
Talk to him about it, and explain you want to stop drinking. If your lithium values are good and stable, it might be a lot easier !