Today I have made the decision to stop drinking.
It’s been an ongoing battle of mine for the last 6 months. After a miscarriage, I found comfort in drinking but couldn’t stop. I’d get to a happy point but then would find myself waking up the next morning unaware of how much I drank - whole bottles gone when I remember them being half full.
Then a 2 and a half year relationship ended. He cheated and the girl knew who I was. I found out at 6am and had to go to work inconsolable. He was my whole life. I took him back because I hated being alone… only to find he was carrying on the affair.
People used to think I was a good time drunk but I have a dark side. I’ve tried to commit suicide after a binge and have self harmed. I’ve now ruined friendships and I’m not a nice person to be around.
I feel if I maintain being sober, I will learn to love myself and feel like I have a purpose in life. I want to be loved but can’t if I can’t love myself. Here’s hoping I can be strong and I hope I can receive some guidance.
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Your story reminds me of what I am going through as well.
I cannot imagine the pain that you felt throughout your morning of your child. However, do you feel as though when life throws an obstacle your way, you find it as an excuse to drink? I am asking because that is my biggest issue, I go to the bottle for comfort because I did not feel strong enough to deal with the situation.
After being sexually abused in high school, I ran to it, and now in my older years I do the same. I tell myself it’s okay to indulge because I was in distress.
Is this similar to how you are feeling? If so, I’d love to talk to you about it, especially when either one of us are craving.
I understand that totally. I find that when things happen that upset me, or I’m in a down mood or I feel stressed and anxious about different situations I drink. I want a buzz but can’t stop you know.
I’m trying to focus on the present and work from there. But obviously I’m worried I’ll slip up and normally when I’m worried I’d drink so this is a big test!
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That is exactly how I get. I tell myself “you deserve this” and I would give in so easily. Even though I would be looking for a buzz, it would turn into a blackout.
I’m trying the same thing: live in the present. Dwelling on the past is only going to hold me back.
I have also started searching for the silver lining in all situations. Sometimes it’s really hard to stay positive, but I thinking training my brain to think in a different way could be a huge factor in my addiction.
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I think the big thing now is that I’m worried people will think it’s a phase I’m going through. I honestly want to make a change and find some inner confidence and self esteem. It’s difficult because I’ve failed so many times before and I don’t have that many close friends so I’m worried about being alone and slipping up
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@Poetryinmotion I’m in the same boat, I keep thinking that ppl will think it’s just a phase too.
Take it one day at a time.Continue to say no to drinks, the days will add up.It wasn’t until day 14 that my husband took me seriously I’m 17 days in.
I believe this app has helped me alot, one because of the counting days and two from reading and talking to everyone who feels how we do.
Eventually people will realize it’s not a phase.We do not have to stay the same, we are entitled to growth and allowed to change for the better.
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That’s helped so much. I feel like I’m already struggling as I feel like I’m fighting withdrawal. Could easily cave in but I’m tired of feeling like a lost cause.
I know I should be doing this for me but I feel like I have to prove myself? Why?