How do you guys deal with the lose of certain relationships that came with your addiction?
i feel like i had nothing in commen with some people i used with
its selfish i guess but i have to take care of me
my friends i would use with just didnt understand
i wanted to be a better person then i was at the time and their habbits just stayed the same
it was more then the useing
it was the attitude
I have to agree with you here.
For me it was realising that those relationships were not doing my sobriety any favours.
So I moved on. Nothing wrong with that in my book. Bet your bottom dollar if it was the other way round those people wouldn’t think twice.
There is a certain amount of selfishness that goes with getting sober.
You have to put yourself first.
The only relationship I had to quit, was my relationship with my DOC. Funny thing is, quitting that one, made all my other relationships better. Better today than they were yesterday, and tomorrow better still.
I guess I’m more so concerned about the relationships I’ve lost due to crazy stuff I’ve done while under the influence
I was a mental mess once getting sober. It was very hard to live with all the regrets of my past constantly spinning around in my head. I went to aa after 2 months of anxiety and shame and explained my feelings and got advice. I kept going back, got a sponsor, and started working the steps. It made it so much easier to let go of the feelings I had caused myself from what I did in the past. Theres nothing you can change now but yourself and keep moving forward in a better direction. People will see the improvements and realize you’re changing for the better(it might take a while). Just keep getting better at getting yourself better. Good things will follow.
You can only do one of two things.
You live, regretting the things you have done, the people you have upset and hurt along the way and live in regret and resentment. This will surely lead you back to your DOC.
You can live in the present! Strive to make a better version of you.
As you do this you can show others how you are growing and learning.
You may be able to make amends for past actions.
You may get people back into your life.
I am going through that right now. Best friend for years lover for 3ish. We cant hang out because hes a severe alcoholic,he can drive and hang out most of the time cause hes trashed by 5p.m. after losing his job due to DUI 2. He doesn’t drink and drive anymore thank goodness because of that. Even before I decided to quit myself he would have to stay overnight at my house which was becoming a problem because we weren’t in an actual relationship and I was trying to start start some boundries. Now since I have stop drinking I don’t even really have anything to say to him anymore which is so weird cause hes been my bff for so long. It kind of leaves an empty spot even though we still talk daily. Mainly consist of me putting off talking and him asking if we’re ok. Losing relationships are hard even if they’re toxic. Sadly he doesn’t understand at all what I am doing.
I’ve never related to anything more in life than struggling to let go of a relationship, even if i knew it was toxic!!