The worst about relapsing is not the sides effects, be it extreme fatigue or pain.
The worst about it, is losing hope.
I reached a certain point where I stopped believing in my ability to stay sober for more than 12 hours.
Relapsing is part of my routine.
No matter how hard I try, I keep falling back into my addiction.
Day after day, week after week.
I’ve been trying to stay sober for 8 months.
I’ve been relapsing every single day, even when I was in other cities or countries. Even when my doctors thought that I would make it.
This ruined my self-esteem, more than the addiction itself.
But above all, this annihilated hope.
I don’t even hope to stay sober anymore.
And I don’t know how to cope with it.
On the other hand, one thing that I do know is that this battle is not one I will lose.
Without hope, without reward, without witness, I will keep fighting, as long as I can.
But how long will I last? Have you ever experienced anything like this ? If yes, do you have any tips ? (Btw forgive my grammar English is not my native language)
Hello my friend. I am glad you are here.
Thank you for continuing to try. It is clear you cannot do this alone. Very few of us can.
I am not sure if you have any type of meeting near you: AA, SMART, Refuge Recovery, Celebrate Recovery. It really doesn’t matter what kind, any kind is a step up from where you are.
If you cannot attend one in person, there are multiple online resources. Please check out www.intherooms.com That can lead you to any type of online or in person meeting you may hope to participate in.
Listen to some podcasts. Do a Google search on “Sobriety Podcast” or “Podcasts to give me hope”.
There is help. Here and there and everywhere, if you look.
I know it can feel hopeless. I really do. Do one small thing today and tomorrow that gives you hope.
And 99.9% of us have felt like this.
Welcome. Your english is quite good, and I understand where you are at, mentally and spiritually.
Mentally, you want to keep fighting. Spiritually, this is where hope lives and dies.
I must ask, what have you been doing to achieve and protect your sobriety? Have you tried meetings or a program. Have you tried outpatient or resident treatment programs, rehab, etc? Have you sought spiritual counseling?
Hope is what we are left with, when we’ve tried absolutely everything, but nothing has worked. If you haven’t tried everything yet, there’s still plenty upon which to hang your hopes.
You can do it, I have faith in you. I know you can do it because I am doing it, and others here are doing it. You are no different from them and I am no different from you.
Sometimes it takes a while to find your path, to find what works for you. Keep trying, don’t be afraid to explore new ways to be sober, like meetings.
Keep at it, you will get it.
I understand what you are saying. The worst thing about relapses is that. But we have to learn to turn a bad day into a good data day. Learn from it. Journal about. Write what you are feeling. Reach out to someone. And pray. Pray by yourself and with others. There are sites online you can ask for prayers or you can call and pray. It’s hard, especially at the beginning but don’t give up. Keep going. God is in your side. Even if you don’t believe in Him or you don’t feel Him or see Him. Don’t give up. You are worthy of love because that’s why you exist. To be loved and to love. Love yourself so you can love others better. You are loved. Is not a feeling but a Power. God bless you!
I do not wish to sound harsh or punishing. I was in your shoes for many years. The only thing I did not try, when I was trying to get sober sober and failing, out of all the things I tried, the one thing I did not do was not drink.
It starts there - don’t take that first drink. Postpone it, replace it with activity, replace it with a meeting in person or on-line, pray or clean out a drawer or do your laundry. Sobriety must start with physical separation from alcohol.
There are treatment programs and medications to help with this, I hope there are some options available to you.
Don’t drink until you lay your head on the pillow tonight. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
It was promised to me, and it is true, that everything is going to be okay and you will be able to stop drinking.
Much love to you.
Been there more times than i could count on a calculator! (Unfortunately) Done the aa thing, rational recovery and they definately help. The hardest part for me is definately day 1. Do whatever humanly possible to get past that. Day 2 for me is much easier then each day after that. Lotsa great advice on this and many other threads. Fight like hell to get thru day 1…
Things that helped me stay sober.
- Weed. It was just a replacement in the beginning as it was the only thing that could fill my strong desire to escape reality and numb the pain. Also helped with inflammation from hangover. Probably not the most ideal thing but its what did it for me.
- The gym. Replaced my alcohol addiction with a gym one. The high i get is better and actually healthy.
- Isolated myself from all people who drank. Told people in my life that i quit.
- The Wim Hof method. It is deep connected breathing and cold exposure. It helps restore the nervous system.
Hope some of these may help. I was right where you are and found a way out. You will too. 
I don’t know what you’ve tried allready. But you have to change things before they change. So what you’ve never tried yet? Have you tried AA, SMART or a addiction coach? Or rehab? Just a thought.
I give you my list of things that are helping me to stay sober. Maybe you see something you can use.
- No alcohol in my house
- Refrigerator filled with nice food and alc. free drinks
- Telling my spouse about my sober plan
- Avoid alcohol related activities and friends (at least in the beginning)
- Having a day counter
- Avoid wine/beer section in the supermarket and avoid liquor store
- Taking a strong vitamine B complex
- Taking melatonin to help me sleep
- Be gentle to myself, like go to bed early, taking a long bath, etc.
- Doing relaxing activaties like meditate, yoga, walking, etc.
- When I have cravings: I don’t pick up that first one but I walk, run, work out, eat chocolat, watch Netflix, clean, study, whatever.
- Ask for help when I need it.
- Be here every day to read and check in sober.
We all were were you are. We all had our day 1, we all had our relapses (I sure do).
I’m proof it’s possible and you can do it too!!
Thank you for your advices. As I live in France I do not have access to most of these resources but I’ll keep searching !
I have already been three times in rehab, and I have a psychiatrist too ( I’m under medications too). You’re right, hope is what’s left after everything failed…
Thank you ! I will try to do what’s on your list (rehab failed, medication too though).
Keep reaching out to us. So many on here feel the same way. So many have overcome it. Try to stay as busy as possible. Rest when you need it