Got so much going on and stuff that happened and I feel like a bomb ready to blow up anyday like a firework I want to drink until I blackout and smoke until I DIE ! Lost my local job got onother one thank God it literally feels like I have no one and YES I’m struggling with being alone I don’t see eye to eye with my own family my second family who were my in laws and raised me up since I was 14 lost them my wife who I’m trying to work things with yes I forgave and etc things will never be the same after that I feel it in the sense that I have to move now different it feels like I have nowhere to go nothing accomplished nothing to do but DESTROY and All I feel is ANGER RAGE AGGRESSIVE I don’t like using this word but I also feel HATE coming in to play etc just ready to blow the fuck up !!! The only thing stopping me right now from drinking and smoking is my weightloss journey I’ve lost 50lbs if I start drinking I know I’ma gain weight FML right now , 
Hey J
That is a lot of stuff you are dealing with all at once, I can understand why you feel like you are going to explode.
Glad you got a job right away… that’s a positive thing.
We know getting loaded will only make you feel more aggressive if you are already feeling that way…
Do you go to meetings??? Now would be a good time to find one. 
Thank goodness that you’ve decided to reach out here, J. Frustration, anger, feeling impotent, racing thoughts, all of it needs to be expressed.
I believe a couple of things. First, putting a name on something reduces its power over us. So talking things out here is going to help - just to express it, not necessarily to follow the line of reasoning down the rabbit hole or to try to solve any of your sticky issues. Just saying these things here reduces the heat, I think.
Second - all feelings and situations pass in time. Sometimes just heading out for a run or a lifting session or a walk with the dog is enough to unplug me from the intensity of the moment and begin to accept. Accept that what is happening is real. Not that it’s something I like, nor if it’s “right” in one sense or another, just that the emotion I have or the situation I encounter is in fact real.
As much as you want to drink - put that energy into firm resolve to get to bed sober tonight. No. Matter. What.
No I haven’t gone to meetings I would prob walk right out and drop the mic 
got a job right away survival clicks in fast and hard in my head I wired myself to never be without one I don’t put in work I don’t eat etc .
I appreciate you just responding and taking the time out of YOUR day to respond 
@littlemisschatterbox @SinceIAwoke you guys are right I should probably channel all of this into something physical I’m going to for a walk with my dog and just get some alone time I appreciate you guys responding to my post it really makes a difference when you have no one to turn to I can always come here you guys are F**** AMAZING LETS GOOO !!!
I am glad you put your thoughts here, expressing what you feel.
May I add an observation. Maybe I am wrong. And that’s also the reason I think it’s good you write here.
I was thinking about your posts, oh, he has it. Like a punk cloud. Then ‘pooof’, you disappear, then you come back, relapsing, ‘pooof’, back sober back together with your wife, ‘pooof’ relapsing.
I cannot really express in English. Like all or nothing.
My personal belief is that weight loss won’t keep you sober. Being here, feeling your feelings, express them in a healthy or non-destructive way has a higher chance to keeping you sober.
I really think we all are able to live a sober and fulfilled life. It won’t happen all of a sudden.
soooooo glad you expressed your heat in here and received some great support man — yes if you don’t like the way this feels then the last thing u wanna do is drink and smoke, that’s only gonna intensify the rage. so yes as our friends here said, channeling that rage into something physical or something productive is the #1 quickest way to diffuse it / transform it / move it etc, so that it doesn’t feel like you’re a firework about to explode into your doom. instead you can feel like a superhero badass!! all this energy you have is PURE LIFE FORCE!! you’re a powerful being, and as powerful beings it’s scary to think we could surrender to that kryptonite — which is why we must remain steadfast and vigilant!! 
YOU GOT THIS LETS GOOOOOO 
We all know that drinking wont solve any problem but we as addicts have always fell back on drinking or using and thats why we are here now. Even though we know that it wont make things better our minds automatically go to it because thats all we know. J you KNOW drinking and smoking will only make matters worse, it always does. Hang in there brother
Have a good walk, I’m sure it will help some.
At least you’re not drinking.
Glad you came here for help! My compliment!
Come here after your walk if you need it!!
What they don’t know… .
Your day begins with a Cadec/computer login. Fuel/lubricant check. 16 responsive tire bumps. 18 lock rings depressed and backed out a quarter turn.
Then it begins, rest of the day, 7+ hours of nothing but thinking. Mostly random, occasionally a specific thought. NOTHING BUT THINKING ALL SHIFT LONG.
Try using this time for positive thoughts like perfecting your road map of life that you are currently following.
So much can change, I read your words and it is fully pretty much exactly my life two years ago.
Stay strong.
Drink isn’t going to help.
Maybe fill those hours with audio books (say, the AA big book?) and try to memorize them? Something not so distractive from safe driving but enough to engage the otherwise wandering mind?
whatever it takes to keep you on the sober train!
Sorry you’re going through so much at the moment J. Well done on reaching out, took me ages to learn to come here first. I hope things ease up for you soon. Drinking definitely won’t help. Sending you strength my friend. 
I’m doing much better now getting away from my family for 3 nights is what I need and reading every single post on here I speak with my hand on the bible that you guys are AMAZING and your words have impacted my day today on a positive note 
Hey J? Hope you are just silent and not absent.
Hope you’re feeling better, J. For what it’s worth, to be angry is a privilege. It’s proof that you’re alive and you can feel. Feeling anger is better than feeling empty, hollow, indifferent, complacent and numb. Alcohol always made me not care so much that indifference became an emotional staple and nothing is more soul sucking than living but being alive. Much love to you.
Hello, anyone out there? 
Catching up on all notifications 
you guys are sweet !!