Loss of a loved one during sobriety

Hey guys I have been using this app for awhile now but never posted anything. I struggle with alcohol abuse where I go months or weeks without drinking then I will binge for a week or so. I recently lost my girlfriend due to a heart attack this past Tuesday and of course I went straight to the bottle. We had plans to get married so this was a serious relationship. The alcohol provided Temporary relief but the grief, anxiety, and depression hit me so bad the following day.
I was just wondering if anyone could give me some tips on how to get through this without using or if anyone had a similar experience losing a significant other.

Thanks!

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My deepest sympathies. What a terrible time for you. I can understand why u turned to the bottle. But as u found out it only delays feelings, and may even make things worse. Do u have people who helped u in sobriety that u can talk to? When I lost my mother (not the same as a significant other) I found talking about it to siblings helped.

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Yes I go to meetings and have a therapist. Also very close with my mother and father. But sometimes I dont want to talk and I isolate myself which I know is dangerous. I have plenty of hobbies. Gym, yoga, jiujistsu, reading etc. I just dont feel like doing much at this time and trying my hardest.not to turn back to the bottle I only have 2 days sober after having 58 days.

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My condolences.
I just buried my father last Saturday after going back & forth from the hospital for about 3 months with him. I had even taken a months leave from work, so i could stay @ the hospital with him. The day I returned to work is the day my Dad passed. I have been on a on again/off again drinking binge the whole 3 months.
No drinking so far today though, but it’s definitely on my mind . Got myself and up went to church today.
Getting out of the house helps me alot, reading, even reading on here. Try to think of the good times , find someone to talk to even though that’s a hard 1 for me because I’m a little closed off.
Stay strong my friend.

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I don’t know how you are gonna get through this sober because I’ve never had that to happen to me but we are here for you… Terribly sorry for your loss… :pray::bouquet:

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Definitely reach out to those people. Isolation is the worst. Even just be in the room with people, and allow urself to feel. Stay strong. Come on here whenever u like.

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Sorry for your loss. That’s a tough one especially since you been going back and forth to the hospital. I guess my main motivation should be what would my gf want or what would your father want. Probably for us to stay sober and not do anything stupid. Thank you for your reply

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I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is so individual, yet universal. With life also comes death and not a one of us will live forever or not be touched by grief. It doesn’t make our pain any less to know this, but it does remind us that death is a part of all of our journeys.

Embracing the totality of life…which includes its end… helps keep me centered and grateful for today. Knowing that I live my life consciously, that I am able to feel ALL that life offers…sadness, grief, love, joy…is so enriching to me. And I feel I honor those who have gone before me by being present in my grief for them…not dulling it or hiding from it…but truly grieving for the loss of their presence in my life. Not hiding in a bottle.

We will always be challenged in life. Feeling our feelings is so empowering and feeling them sober is life affirming.

Please know it is okay to be sad and cry, let your emotions flow thru you and not get stuck. :heart: I wish you strength and peace and a sober path to mourn your partner as she deserves. :heart:

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I am so sorry for your loss. I just can’t imagine what you are going through.

As for remaining sober during these trials I can only suggest that you remind yourself of a few things.

  1. Why are you getting sober? Does what happened make that any less of a reason?
  2. Drinking won’t make your trial go away, nothing can change what has already happened.
  3. Drinking won’t make your grief go away, it only postpones it.

If you go through these points with true honesty you’ll hopefully choose to remain sober.

HUGS!!

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grief, anxiety, and depression sorry to here of your loss dont know if you have tried ameeting they might help you get through this sad time , i know i drank to get through The anxiety and depression then when i stopped i had Anxiety and depression ? couldnt win till i went to meetings they helped wish you well
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to just feel those feelings. As you found out, drinking only delays the process. Isolation is our worst enemy, consider going to more meetings. Being around people for comfort may just be what you need even if your just listening without sharing. Hang in there.

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

Coping with grief is a huge task. I don’t have any advice to share, but I can tell you what helped me and helps me to get through these emotions (I lost my younger daughter during pregnancy). I followed women on Instagram who are going through the same experience. Reading about their emotions and how they cope gives me comfort and I feel less isolated. I also read a lot on the our house grief website. I watched a lot of netflix, to escape reality, when I didn’t feel able to cope. It’s ok not to be ok.

My deepest sympathies. I hope you have people in your life, who are there for you, to talk or not talk at all. :yellow_heart:

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