Hi all, i am Renet a 33 year female and hoing through the motions of a lifelong rollercoaster which i now finally just got extremely sick of.
Addiction wise, love and hard cigs, conquored the rest out of experiments and wanting to be a voice to say no for future possible victims to never fall into the trap.
Literally just broke things off with my now ex husband of nearly 4 years and respectively 28years emotionally. What mental gratification he is getting for making promices and then just playing the same game to keep me locked up and just emotionally close enough for minimal contact and life gratifications i cannot tell you i just have the feeling still that he is a spiritual time travler who is gaining something else out of my sufferings and emotionally i cannot stear the universal allignment any further to get us ahead…i doubt that smoking a cigarette can be the reason we lost everything…it just seems benial to me that believing in God and asking for him to help us get through it together without any support - i just honestly did not see God as a energy who wanted us to go through hell alone yet here i am talking to a cellphone and hugging my cat. And to just get out of the topic that a smoke could kill someone else beside me because i lit is is also beside my belief because i do not have nor wish to have that power and even if it was given would not use it.
He has the tendancy to over and over again come back and i told him i will throw him with eggs should he dare come close again and i sincerely wish he would not my heartbis soft and i fall for the same bull every time, same results…emotionally i cannot do it anymore.
So i am surely not going to any rehab or shrink wanting to pump me with more atuff even if it is stronger, so i am here, quitting at midnight, not unblocking the ex, trying to get an employer who wants to invest in me remotely and to finally have some bucks after nearly three years of absolute unemployment, living on and off the streets, abusive ex inlaws and being pushed to crazy sexual beliefs that will never be a person whom i want to be.
No friends left either so new friends to get past 33 years of bad love and terrible friendships.
I look forward to some advice on how to truly stopnthinking about all my ex relationships, my mistakes, and to never light up again.
Also trying to lose 70 pounds…so i have that motivation but no running shoes or exercise clothes so no option of going for a walk or run or even a drive - sold two cars to survive and no moneybto even go for coffee…just saying its us and my wifi:)