Most of my alcohol abuse stems from personal relationships and/or lack there of. I’ve always told myself that I have to prepare myself for living alone. The constant long periods of loneliness m in xed with periods of being in relationships messed with me.
In order to make myself be sober, I know now I just have to accept the fact I was meant to be alone. After I wholeheartedly accept it I can move forward and begin to repair my addiction, my mind, my everything. It’s to the point where I don’t even want to bother with friends.
I have seen a few things on here recently which might be interesting to you. I thought they looked interesting and I struggle with feeling disconnected.
One is a book discussion of Radical Self Acceptance. I missed the boat to get involved but I have added it on to the (admittedly long and growing!) List of books I’d like to read. @aircircle could give you more information and also often takes pictures of another book FULL of amazing wisdom.
I also saw a thread, but can’t remember the details, I think it was something to do with relationships but coming from the perspective of loving yourself. I think @anon67035918 posted it.
I think perhaps it more to do with accepting you for who you are and being able to love yourself.
One of the things that I have come to terms with just recently is that I may end up on my own after nearly 30 years with my wife.
Now, in the past, when we have had a rocky period, this has scared me to the point of contemplating suicide, as I felt I couldn’t be alone!
I’m now fairly certain that if anything should happen, I will be able to be by myself because I have accepted who I am.
It just took a bit of working out. In the past I wouldn’t have been sober enough to do it.
Spend some time working on yourself. Get some sober time behind you, look at who you are and where you see yourself going. Learn to accept who and what you are.
This is true, however, unlike the majority of people in the world, I’ve never been married. I dont ha e any kids. The longest relationship I could keep was 4 years until they wanted something better.
This is more than accepting who i am. I’m not perfect by any means but i try to treat the woman I’m with with as much love, respect, and support i can. With my experience it’s never enough. That’s what I have to accept: i have to accept that i wont have kids of my own. I have to accept that no matter how good of my intentions, it’s never enough and I’m not good looking enough or rich enough for anyone to stick around (yes this is a thing). These stresses have fueled my alcoholism and in order to take stops to cure it, these are things I have to accept and live with.
What I have found is that as I work on and improve myself, including my relationship with myself, i start attracting people that share the same values as I do. It takes work to love and accept ourselves, but it is a terrific journey. Here are a couple of resources recently written about here…
I know you’ve been dealing with this for quite some time…it’s not that you have to accept that you’re going to be alone, you have to come to terms with who you are. If you are not happy with yourself no one else can make you happy. Also, you won’t attract happy people or positive people. Take it day by day and step by step but saying you’re going to be alone and need to accept that isn’t the right step forward. you need to do some self healing. Let go of the past and anyone in it that has you down. Chin up!
I’ve come to terms with the fact that, right now, I want to be on my own. I WANT to be on my own. People confuse and complicate things. But, I know damn well that when I feel ready for all those things (any type of relationship) I’ll be in a much better place for them. I want kids, I want a family, I want love. There is just no way I could handle it right now. So, I don’t worry about the future, I worry about doing whatever the hell I want to do right now!
Mate. Learn to love yourself. All these things kept me drinking. “My wife doesn’t love me anymore” “I’ll never find anyone because I’m not rich enough” " I’ve got bad scaring on my face, who’s going to fancy me?"
Seriously. Find your worth and someone who find you.
Just take the time to work on yourself. Don’t worry about relationships and marriage and kids.
Start believing in yourself and your own self worth. And as Ariel says, you will attract people.
Its hard not to when I’m in my late 30’s and theres no prospects in sight. This is why I have to accept that what is expected of a person (marriage, kids, ect) won’t happen.
I’m out of likes, but I’ve been sat here trying to think of something positive to say without sounding harsh. @Smken27, Steve this says it. If you keep thinking how you are then it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. You think something is going to happen to you so subconsciously everything you do will end up being geared to that end.
And, mate late 30’s is nothing. That’s like 15 years ago for me. A whole lifetime ago now. 15 years ago I was active in my addiction. Just didn’t know it yet.
Look after yourself.
