I made it to 3 days sober! I am proud but most of all I am grateful I survived yesterday. It was the 1 year anniversary of losing my brother at the hands of the same addiction. He was only 42 and seemingly had it all together. Seeing someone so well packaged be so suddenly wiped out by their addiction is sobering in itself. But in spite of every moment I had yesterday telling me if there was a day to drink, this is it, I stayed sober. I survived.
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Hi, kimmie. I can relate. My grandmother passed away in May this year the day before mother’s day. As I’m sitting at her kitchen table, my dad, my aunt and my cousin were getting wasted. I didn’t drink the whole time. I used my friends, an online aa meeting and support group and a lot of prayer. But what I learned from it was, if I can live through that and endure the p pain without drinking, then I can take each day and whatever life throws at me one day at a time. You can do the same. We all can together.
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Good for you for staying strong! The first few days were the roughest for me as I couldn’t get out of my own head. I kept arguing with myself and wanting to drink, needing to drink (gasp! will I never really drink again?!), and on and on. It gets better!
I have several friends that have died from addiction. The anniversary of one of those deaths just passed and I had the same thoughts you did about wanting to remember her with a drink. Then I thought of how truly fucked that thought was. I have to believe that if there is a heaven and if my friend is looking down on me, then she’d be so proud of me for remembering her in sobriety rather than in the depths of addiction. She was in a very dark, very painful place when she died and she’d never want that for me.
The best thing we can do for those we lost to addiction is to honor them with our own sobriety. You can do it! 
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So grateful to have this forum! Thanks you guys!
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