I had been clean for a few months up until a week ago when I slipped or relapsed one night. Happy to report I’ve reached my goal of a week and cant wait to reach future goals! How long have you been clean and what did you find worked best in the beginning to keep your mind focused and prevent a slip up? What’s different from your last slip up to this one? For me mine is COMPLETELY different I just feel mad angry sick and tired! I’m done with this life or letting these demons defeat me and make me look weak. God bless you all!
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What’s different for me? God. That simple. I don’t put my selfish wants and desires in front of everything else like I used too. Still not perfect, but gettint better at it daily. 360 days of moving in the right direction.
AA gave me a God of my understanding and I’m truly blessed and grateful to have found that room.
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I have relapsed a many of times because I was not dedicated enough. I don’t know if you have a program but it’s best to work a program. Stay away from old people, places, and things. Make meetings if you can. Get a sponsor.
The difference this time for me is, I finally hit bottom. I went to work blasted to not one but to the last three jobs that I had. Loosing that last job was the last straw for me. I could loose my license and all my credibility. My damn kids told me I’d be perfect if I didn’t drink. I’m expecting a grandbaby and I don’t want him to ever know the drunk careless me. I do stupid shit when I drink and the embarrassment alone should be enough to keep me sober. I have 30 days and I’m not turning back. The only thing that I can tell you is fight the urges. In the past, I didn’t have the discipline to fight the urge. I fight the urge now. This is the first time I got to 30 days without a program. I just made my mind up. I get the urge, but I fight cause I’m fighting for my life. Alchol is my destruction and I choose life today.
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I’ve relapsed countless times over the last 2 years. What is different this time is that I admitted to myself that I couldn’t do this alone and I have finally started going to AA meetings. I’m at 51 days now (just starting day 52). It’s not my longest run but I’m on my way.
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What was different this time was that I was finally D.O.N.E! Before it was just “getting rid of the chemical dependency then be normal.” Yeah, no. I seriously thought that I was just chemically dependant because of poor choices and that once I was clean for a little while I would be able to drink like a “normal” person. The biggest difference this time? Commiting to never taking benzos again. I was prescribed them, so I thought it was fine. They kept me from hitting rock bottom with alcohol for a long time. But near the end I was taking way more than prescribed and they quickly stopped working even at high doses. The combined bottom was brutal! So this time I realized that one fed into the other, that both were actually and truly killing me. I also realized that chemical dependency DOES mean addiction. I got mad as hell at alcohol and benzos and doctors that thought it was okay to keep giving me this medication that, with long term use, destroys ones brain. I got mad about everything! I used that fiery anger to propel me through the shitty detox and withdrawal. I still use it today, almost 19 months later, squash any urges or deviations from my recovery.
I. WAS. D.O.N.E!
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For me it was making sure my wife held me accountable. Last time it was a stay sober for awhile thing. We went to a bloody Mary record thing and I drank a little. No buzz but still had fun. But that opened the door. Back to binge drinking and stupid choices. So I learned from it. Now I she helps me stay accountable for myself.