I used to drink heavily, when I was a young man. Between the ages of 17 and 24, it was very common for me to drink every single day. However for the last nine years, I’ve been sober the majority of the time. I have been able to have a beer or two, but had no impulse to drink heavily. I didn’t get hangovers, I didn’t get drunk, and I wasn’t having trouble. In the last year I had went through some really tough times in my marriage, things that are smoothed out now, but the residual effects lead to a recurrence of anxiety disorder that I had as a teenager. I started taking Lexapro about a year ago, and I avoided alcohol altogether for a while. I decided to start having a beer or two occasionally, and during the second week of January this year, I decided that I would have liquor. To my own amazement, I went on a 5 to 6 week drinking binge. I wasn’t drunk every day, but I drank every day, and some days I drank excessively enough to get a terrible hangover the next day. I had at least four severe hangover in that period of time. I spoke to my wife, and reached out to her to let her know the troubles I was having, and on two different occasions I swore that I would never drink again. My most recent was this past Saturday. I made it four days without having a single drop, and managed to completely get over the hump I felt like. Yesterday evening I decided that I could have a beer again, that led to a couple beers last night, and unfortunately five beers today. All of a sudden I have no self-control, and I have no off switch for alcohol. I haven’t had trouble controlling my urges with it for years, and I really shouldn’t debate too long on why it is that I have control troubles now, I know that I need to go completely sober, and stop trying to think that I can maintain and have a couple drinks. I’m so disheartened, embarrassed, and sad by the fact that I lost four great days of sobriety to some stupid beers.
I’m a business manager, and the father of three daughters, my two older daughters I raised by myself the majority of the time, and my youngest is three years old. I go to work every day, I take care of my children every day, because my wife works in the medical field and she’s often gone. I never fail to fulfill an obligation, I’m proud of the fact that I’m a wonderful father, but unfortunately I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression, and I’ve had a relapse back into alcohol habits.
I know that if I stop drinking right now, and suffer a little bit of discomfort, that I can get back on the sober track. I just get so scared, and my anxiety goes insane, and I always feel like I’m dying when I’m coming off of it. I know that’s not rational, people don’t typically die coming off of five beers, but anxiety isn’t rational to begin with, that’s why it’s a disorder. I’m just really sad right now, and I feel so let down because I thought I had it beat. I just wanted to see if anybody could reach out and talk with me to help me get my head straight again.
I was wondering if maybe anyone could relate to my story, and give me the confidence and strength to fight this again, because I do not want to be an alcoholic, I do not want to be hung over and not able to enjoy my life, and I feel very let down right now, because I had wonderful days of sobriety, and wonderful years of sobriety , and I want to get back to that point.
Any feedback or help is greatly appreciated, and I think you very much and advance.
