I would say I’ve had problems with excess ever since my mental health problems set in at the start of puberty. It started with binge eating in high school, which turned into bulimia. When I got a job went through stages of buying different items in excessive amounts, scratchies, magazines, clothes, random things I never used, and always food. When I turned 18 alcohol joined that list, then weed the next year. I’ve managed to overcome certain issues over the years, bulimia, self harm, buying as much crap, but everytime the habits just refocus onto a different vice. It’s been 3-4 years since I’ve spent more than the occasional couple of days sober, if I give up one it’s completely replaced by the other, and then both come back, drinking and getting stoned. I don’t want to continue like this, I hate looking back and seeing that I’ve wasted that time, just creating more problems for myself. I’m 10g in debt, my mental health has deteriorated, I’ve become isolated and struggle to socialise, my job is the only aspect of my life I’ve kept somewhat together, although drinking at work crept in for a bit. It’s a compulsion though, I feel like I have to have something, and when I manage to make progress it all comes crashing down as soon as my next depressive episode hits. I don’t really know what to do, I just know I have to make a change.
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