Those are gorgeous!!!
So, this happened again.
“Finding joy when you are hurting is like having a picnic in the rain. If what you want is a picnic, you can have it. If what you want is for the rain to stop, you may be disappointed.”
I wanna see more picnics in the rain! Instant boost for the day
Loooveeee this James!!!
Thank you for being you Mandi !
This is true, I have found, and profoundly contrary to all the teaching I received before sobriety.
This is a great thread and I really needed it today. I’ve woken up feeling shitty and wondering whether this is all worth it but I know what I need to do. This has been my first week back at work for over two months. I’ve been leaving at 6.30am,getting home at 6. Cooking dinner and then working until I crash at 11. As a result I’ve not written in my journal all week, done any mediation or got in touch with friends or family. I almost feel like I’ve replaced alcohol with work and am falling into the same behaviours because I’m not focusing on looking after my well-being/spirit and am beginning to isolate myself. I’m on day 24 (25 in 4.5 hours) and feel the lowest that I have felt since I stopped drinking. Your posts have reminded me of what I need to be doing and why. So, just want to say thanks, keep posting and I am definitely taking on the 30 day writing challenge!
I’m happy to hear it helped you, I’ve noticed I feel really crappy when I get away from those things too. Try to take a little time for you still in between, I save an hour or so before I go to sleep where I sit in my bed with no phone to either write, meditate, read, do reiki, listen to my soulwork stuff, color even, etc. It really helps!
Mandi, we had a great time at your house last night!
Is there an extra super like I can tag this with?
Regarding this King quote, I’m sure there must be a corollary of it that applies to my day. I’m on the road today to meet with a vendor who is not performing up to my employer’s expectations. This kind of meeting is traditionally known as a “come to Jesus”, basically very heavy on stick, not so much emphasis on carrot to get them to improve their performance.
While this meeting will include a rehashing of incidents where they have failed, the real focus is on solutions. This is kind of like an AA fifth step - an admission of individual incidents in order to reveal a pattern that can be changed at a fundamental level.
I just needed to write this out here so that my attitudes and actions today will reflect love and solution, not hate and blame. Thanks for the ++vibe today, Mandi! And thanks for listening. Blessings on your house
Yes, I absolutely love it!
I wanted to post this here on my thread also with a few additons. It’s not the most uplifting post but it’s real and it’s a huge step in my recovery.
Today was the day I lost my father 22 years ago. I was 13, he was 45. He worked out of state during the week and he came home on the weekends. He spent his weekends primarily tinkering with his motorcycles or cars and drinking. He wasn’t a mean alcoholic, he was actually the polar opposite. Super happy, always smiling, always up to something mischievous so his eyes often had that twinkle in them that warned you something new was coming. It could be anything from an idea on his tinkering, getting something hideous he wanted, deciding to host winter enduros in our yard with beat up cars, having motorcycle rallies at our house to having an idea to go play in the ocean or taking a ride somewhere. He was a large man and people always noticed and loved him as he had a great personality. But I always knew the drink would take him away from me. I remember dumping it out often. Begging him (demanding even lol) that he not drink because of it. I wrote out a poem once to him about how it would take him before I turned 14 if he didn’t change his path. It happened a month and a half before my 14th birthday. I was at a friend’s house in the next town over and I heard the ambulances go by. I’ve heard it 100x before, but this time I just had this crazy gut feeling that something was wrong. I tried calling home to check in, no one answered. So I shrugged it off and said they must be in bed and I went to sleep. I was woken up at 4am by a phone call at my friends house and again, I somehow knew it was for me when I heard it but I didn’t answer it. Her parents came downstairs and got me from her room to get the phone, it was my sister saying you need to come home. I remembered the ambulance from the night before and the whole way home I wasn’t sure who it was but I knew one of us was gone. I got home and learned it was my dad. He got drunk at the local bar, like always, but this time he didn’t make it home. He could barely even walk when he left the bar and ended up rolling our car 3x, crashed into a tree and died of head trauma. My mom refused to sue the bar though many had mentioned it, she just said he was going to do it one day no matter where he was coming from, it was no one’s fault but his own. Which, is true. I’m just so thankful it didn’t physically hurt anyone else in the process.
Every year I have drank today. Last year, my mom gramma and I all had a skäl in our swedish shot glasses in his memory as we cared for my dying grandfather. We lost him 5 days later. So, this year being sober and having all of these memories is really raw. I always justified the drinking in his memory as he loved it enough to let it kill him so cheers to you today dad but this year I have no blinders on and ask myself what the eff were you thinking? Drinking to celebrate the life that was lost because of drinking? Nope. Not this year. This year I’m going to honor him in the proper way and not touch a drop!!
The last few days have made this more raw for me. Two days ago, I was on our family land with my mom and sister and we were reminiscing about many many things. That land is where my sister and I grew up, where my dad grew up and where my great grandparents lived. We sold our old farmhouse but it still remains and looks exactly as it did when we were there, we sold it when I graduated 19 years ago.
Being home and reminiscing just brought back all kinds of memories. It was a really nice feeling actually. The next day (yesterday) I went to my grammas for my weekly one on one visit with her. Her best friend and cousin passed away 2/1/18 (just a week after her husband also died) and her children visited Gramma this week, bringing some family photos they knew she would want. We talked for 4 hours last night about our family history, where they had lived, how she met my grandfather, who else owned the house etc. We found receipts and letters from when my great grandfather bought the farm for $1200, we saw photos none of us have ever seen before and many were of my father as a baby. It was really pretty amazing and I’m so thankful that at 91 she is insanely great at remembering everything including all the small details and dynamics. I’m the only one in the family who gets the pleasure of hearing all of this stuff and it’s so intriguing to me! But it also makes today much more raw and emotional because there’s been so much stirred up these last few days. But, I think I’m processing it well and I still have no interest in drinking so that’s a pretty amazing win!
This is the first time I haven’t drank today since I was a teenager. I think this is a much better way to honor my dad and his life, by trying to protect my own and I know he agrees. Love you dad, thinking of you today and always!
Mandi, this is such a heartfelt, honest, touching and emotional post to read! Thank you SO much for sharing, I hope you are proud of the beautiful and strong soul that you are. What an incredible leaf you have overturned by not drinking on his anniversary x
I am grateful and feel blessed for having met you. Well, even if it is only through an App, but your support and encouragement to myself and others on here has impacted on my recovery. I just want you to know that
Thank you Becsta, I’m SO happy to see you doing well-you know I’m always rooting for you!