Manipulated

So much drama has been happening at work, and it really came to a head today. Last night my coworker and friend got fired last night because of apparently stealing money.
He called me right afterwards and said they didn’t really have evidence and made me feel really bad.
I slept terribly and felt like I was going to be set up at work and came in not feeling good. Then another really sweet innocent girl comes up to me and asks me if the reason he got fired was because of her.
She then continues to tell me he’s called and texted her multiple times and told her that he wanted to have sex with her “accidentally”.
He’s slapped her ass multiple times and last week pushed her into the walk in cooler.
Apparently he told her he’s been on house arrest because he’s awaiting trial for raping a girl and they are waiting for a rape kit.
She wanted to tell me but was scared.
My manager who’s in recovery then pulls me aside to tell me what actually happened with the money which was a completely different story than he told me.
I think every single thing he ever told me was a lie. He told me all these tall tales and I believed him. I stood up for him. I gave a shit about him. He manipulated the fuck outta me. He made me feel like other people were the enemy. He stole tip money from me. He assaulted an innocent girl and probably raped another.
I feel so sick.
I was trying not cry at the beginning of my shift and then it got too busy to think.
I cannot believe I am so easily manipulated and I still miss my ex bf who was abusive and a cheater. I feel so betrayed by my brain.
I don’t know how to process all this but this has got me real fucked up. Do I block him?
Do I tell him what a piece of shit he is?

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Hey @Fj007, sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time right now. I’ve had my fair share of long term manipulation as well, and I’ve come to one major conclusion: it’s the good people who get manipulated. It’s the ones who want to do good, to be there for others and support them, they are the ones who take the fall in these situations.

Yes being manipulated by someone is a sucky feeling, but on the brighter side of the thought, it’s also evidence that you trust in people. You don’t have to be naive to trust someone like that, you can be well intensioned and strong.

People like us tend to take on others burdons. We tend to see the truth and light in others, dim as it may be. Please don’t be too hard on yourself here. Rest assured you’re the stronger person.

I hope you have a great night’s sleep! Tomorrow’s a new day, and it’s all yours.

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It doesn’t sound like a healthy work environment, and it doesn’t sound like it will get any better unless that guy leaves. If at all possible, it’s probably better to move on and find a different place to work. Sorry to hear it’s been such a toxic place to work. You don’t have any control over what other people there do, but you do have the power to take yourself out of the situation.

He was already fired before all this truth came out. He manipulated me with explaining why he was fired and was a complete lie of a human.

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I see, sorry I think I misunderstood.

I think you’re in the right here, and the guy is just a not a good person. You are, and he took advantage of that. I don’t have any magic words. It is a bad situation.

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Don’t forget that even though you probably don’t feel it you are still in a vulnerable position. You’re in early days of recovery and are a nice person who just wants to sort herself out.
The world is full of idiots that will take advantage of people when they feel they can.
Unfortunately this time it was you. Don’t let this deter you from being who you are. You are doing so well. Remember it is not you in the wrong here.
It’s probably best to block this guy. And try to stay away from him. Though you are the one in the situation, so you should know the best way to go.
Just don’t stop believing in yourself.
And reach out.

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Hi @Fj007, this man is v dangerous to associate with. A toxic, manipulative arsehole.
No one is a magnet to this type of person, he has psycopath traits I think. Yeh, def block, impo I would not confront him, good to know the truth is out. You have simply done what comes naturally to you, offered friendship & support, these are good kind traits that are yours.
Your post gives me the creeps just thinking @ this freak. Take care of you, best wishes

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I would avoid this guy at all costs, block him and move on. You are a kind and trusting person and unfortunately those of us who try to see the good in other people will sometimes get manipulated because of our tendency and want to believe that other people are the same as us.
Just know you are not in the wrong and that confronting this guy will likely achieve nothing at all apart from more dissapointment for you, he doesn’t seem the kind of person to care what you or anyone else thinks of him and will likely just lie to you and play with your head more. He knows he’s been caught out and he knows you know, don’t give him the opportunity to mess with your feelings anymore because he will try if you let him.
Move on and carry on being the kind trusting person that you are, most people will deserve your trust, but there will always be someone ready to take advantage. Learn from him and move on

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You had no reason not to believe him at the time. There are those who are good at manipulating and acting very believable. The only thing you are guilty of is being a decent caring person. I would stop all contact with this person. No explanation is required to him as to why. The less contact the better in my opinion.

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I don’t know, it sounds like the drama ended. He’s not there anymore. He didn’t tell you the truth about why he was fired but now you know. You still have a job and are still sober. That’s good. Keep moving forward.

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When you shared about him getting fired, I was still hesitant to believe he was innocent. Was wondering if there was more to it than his story. I’m glad the managers were on top of this. They need to stay diligent to ensure the work environment is safe.

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The guilt from any deceit in between 2 people Always lies in the hands of the one who is deceiving. I am a notoriously gullible person, So much so when I was a kid my brother told me gullible was a made up word and that it was not even in the dictionary! I then proceeded to tell others this “fact” only to be laughed at… a lot. Lol. But seriously though I often feel like the fool or a target for more cunning people, but There’s no need for you to take on any additional punishment from yourself for you believing somebody else that you’ve shown your kindness. I think It also shows intelligence because you’re able to see from other people’s perspectives. While others may be able to manipulate you because of this gift you may find, in time, that this helps you than other facets of your life we don’t yet see! I am glad that this person is not in your workforce anymore and I would generally avoid him knowing what he is at this time. Take care.

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Hey @Fj007 hope you’re feeling better today. I would like to add a +1 for just blocking that dickhead and leaving his shit behind you. Sounds like he has issues with building positive and healthy relationships - don’t let his issue be your issue. The fact that the girl opened up to you is testament to your ability to trust and be trusted. That’s a good thing! :sparkling_heart:

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Uh yeah his issues are bigger than not being able to build healthy relationships. He’s a rapist, a sexual predator and a pathological liar. He just tried to call me. I’m really fucked up about this. I’m going to buy mase and a knife today.
The times of men taking advantage of me and the women around me are over.

Stay safe hun. :purple_heart:

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I went through a situation with my ex. He compulsively lied, twisted others words and actions, he was emotionally and physically abusive. Towards the end I was terrified of him. He was fun at the beginning and we were fucked up together frequently. I realized that the only way to get away from him was to cut him off completely. Once he got fired from our job it was easier. I blocked him off of EVERYTHING. Even when he showed up at my house (which happened a few times) the only thing I said was I’m going to call the cops until he stopped. After a month or so I felt a hug weight lifted off my shoulders. Like i could breathe and think. And the people i worked with were supportive ( especially since they warned me from the get go) if he showed him they would tell him to leave. I hope his shit is together but he’s poison for me. And I think that guy is the same for you. It will suck and be hard but you deserve better. So dont give in because of memories.

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If I was you I would start making a log of all the times he contacts you. What said, if you talk.
If it gets more frequent, you can make a report at the police. So that it’s on record.

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I’m blocking him. If I see him on the streets I will tell him I am calling the police if he comes near me. He he continues to get near me while calling police I will mase him.

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Get mace by so means but please don’t get a knife. I saw @Yoda-Stevie recommending a real good property spray on here. It may have been you he recommended it to but I’m not sure :slightly_smiling_face:

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