Today i have been married for 9 years with my husband. I am 10 months sober, he is not. He is still a very heavy drinker also an alcoholic like me. We’ve pretty much drank heavily our whole marriage and im not trying to force him to stop , i know he has to be ready for that. Anywho i am so sad today, since i stopped drinking i don’t really feel to much like i just let everything roll over like i don’t care, i do care but not how i should its more like i ignore everything, well turns out i couldnt do that today. I spent 100$ on a nice gift for my husband just bc i finally have money to be able to that and i didnt want anything in return i just wanted his time. Well he couldnt do that had to stay on his schedule and starting drinking so he could sleep ( hes nightshift) . This is a very common problem in our marriage he puts little to no effort in an i try so hard… there are many more problems but im not about to get into that right now , i just feel like im tired an done id love to get a hotel room be completely alone take a bath and get drunk 
but i can’t do that im just venting … not even gonna proof read this
Hey Emily,
Congratulations on that 10 months of sobriety!!! HUGE work there.
And happy 9 year anniversary!
I glad you got that off your chest.
I’ve been struggling a lot during my marriage after my first year of sobriety. I guess I was so focused on myself and my sobriety it didn’t bother me having a wife that drinks daily. But then her drinking really started to bother me. We were drinking buddies for the longest time. She never ask for me to get sober. And she likes her drink.
I started a thread awhile back if you’re interested in reading other people’s stories. It may help. And feel free to join in if you like.
Things have improved greatly for me and my sober sanity ever since I started attending Al-Anon meetings. I get to be a double winner.
My wife’s drinking has also been a great reminder for me that I never want to go back.
I wish you well.
Thank you ill check that out
Hang in there, I live with a alcoholic as well. I have been sober for 4 months. This is my second try lol . My girlfriend is still drinking everyday and going out drinking. It wasn’t easy for me in the beginning. I had to start Looking at it in a more compassionate way. I had to remember she is an alcoholic, and had to remember how I was when I was in that state of mind. I also had to remember how the people that helped me get to where I’m at treated me with compassion and understanding and couldn’t force me to do anything until I was ready but we’re still there for me. It’s sometimes hard even for an alcoholic to have compassion for a disease that we can’t see. But I really do understand your loneliness you’re feeling because you two aren’t on the same emotional level. I hope it gets better for you.
ONE DAY AT A TIME!
When drinking is no longer an escape, issues in marriage, work, friendships that were avoided become much clearer and more painful. It sounds like there is much work to do. Now you are sober, you have the energy and clarity to do it, hope you can get your husband to meet you in the middle. Congratulations on your sober time 
.
I don’t have the answers but I do have the similarities.
Also an Emilie.
Married 7 years.
Husband still drinks and works night shift.
I definitely recommend you bring his lack of a gift up to him tomorrow.
I’ve become a lot less likely to let things slide now that I’m sober. Was he mean, call him on it.
Picking a fight while drunk, refuse to engage. I was the easy going girl when I drank. I didn’t care too much about standing up for myself because I was too busy being a drunk. Now, I’m over that. He gets my honesty or nothing.
I don’t know the answer but you aren’t alone here. Speak your mind, discuss your frustrations with him and please don’t drink about it.
My guy usually apologizes for his behavior and in my earlier days he would apologize if his behavior was making me want to drink. I gotta tell you, living with a drinker lets me know I’m on the right path. Stumbling, slurring, repeating yourself? I’m good with my soda water.
Sending hugs your way.
I dont wanna make you upset but i dissagree
I dont think its a no love in return issue
Its addiction
I could be wrong though
I would focus on myself
Do something i like to do for my sobriety
Id lead with example
Not by going to aa only
But like communicate how my partners drinking is effecting myself but with lovevand a opened heart
No judgment and non in return
I feel you and in somewhat a similar boat but different drug of choice. What gets to me about my partner still using is also the $ spent on it. I look at him and see him prioritizing $ on his addiction over buying us groceries or a gift. It’s hard but I’m also trying to empathize and understand he has his own struggles.
Being in a relationship with one sided sobriety adds another level that’s for sure.