Marriage is over?

Thank you so much to everyone on this thread. You have helped me immensely. I was in a very low self pity place in my head and reading all your stories and advice that got my thinking straight.

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Thank you for being strong for your son. Make choices for you two. She is obviously doing that herself. Glad your son has influenced you to make positive changes. Take him out in nature as often as you can.

Some time has past since I originally started this post. Today I got rid of a resentment. During the emotional part of my separation my wife said one of the deciders to split was she could do everything on her own except cut the grass. When I quit drinking the first time without AA I was bitter, angry, depressed and did not want to go out. I forced myself to go to parties so she didn’t have to go alone but she did not realize how difficult that is. After a while I just sat on the couch and did not do much so the humble side of me says yes I did not do much during a good chunk of that time. Starting to drink again after 3.5 years was not hard to convince her to see me drink again. I figured out early in going back out that I could no longer drink it was not who I wanted to be anymore. That comment about her doing everything has stuck with me. Now that I am in my own place she calls me for help and I feel bad saying no but that knot of resentment turns in my stomach. So with the guidance of my higher power I let it go. I told her how I felt about it and hoped she understood but in any case I turned it over. There wasn’t much said on her part to make me feel better but the weight of the resentment is off me. I have 2 more to go and once I talk it through with my sponsor and get the opening from my higher power I will let them go as well. Just wanted to share that. Thx for reading hope all are staying strong and sober tonight.

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I had to go back a reread some old posts just to remind myself of where I was. I first started going to AA and I sat at the tables where I listened to these slogans and catch phrases that used to boil my blood. Here in my head my life was crumbling and some guy is telling about Miracles and promises. I didn’t think I fit in but I went anyways. I got a sponsor like they said and read the material they told me to read. I made coffee I helped others and after a little while I stopped fighting change and embraced it. I was able to finally view my life through sober eyes and a clear head. I started to see my ex wife for the person she was and continues to be. Whether good or bad it doesn’t matter it just doesn’t fit the person I am becoming. I still have some resentment for the years of her gaslighting me but then again I’m really mad that I didn’t see it. I don’t like how her boyfriend treats my kids but they know where I stand. I have to accept life on life’s term but I’m not a doormat I will stand my ground. The serenity prayer say God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

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Oops hit reply too soon. Anyway to my point. 6/17/2017 is my sobriety date. My financial life, work life and home life are not ideal nor perfect but something changed in my heart. I’m happy. I’m not a huge ball of anger and anxiety. I get things done through out the day and make steps to get a little better than yesterday. I went to a meeting the other day and two ppl were telling my story. They were where I was 2 years ago and I was able to give a little insight. It reminded me how far I have come. This is not to brag this just to share that I was a very critical person that was so full of anger I thought I would never change. Whatever situation you find yourself in know that it is temporary. It will get better. Keep moving forward. If you fall get back up and start again. I’m glad that I had to go through hell to get here. It makes this time in my life so much more worth it and I don’t ever want to take that for granted.

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This makes me happy😊 Keep on your journey and thank you for sharing. You can never leave here because I need your daily motivation posts. So there.

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I’m glad they help. Posting things helps keep me in check.

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You always seem to share the things I need to read!

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Go for it Rich!
8 months is a great achievement - keep going and it will soon be a year

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I almost forgot I posted this. Funny how life changes when I finally learned to let go. Looking back now at everything, I thought I was losing all I worked so hard to uptain. The house, the wife, seeing the kids everyday, friends and in fact this year I lost my job but was rehired at a lower rate for 3 months (long story). God actually was clearing the path to him. Since all that I let go. I made amends for my wrongs to my ex wife and we have been talking civil. I got promoted and see my kids almost every day. I got better. I let a power greater than myself into my life and got out of the way. If I did what I wanted to do I would be self pity party all day and ended up drinking again. I like your screen name. No longer a victim. Life gets better like the big book says. I just have to work the steps and turn my will over. Thanks for the reminder of where I was, where I am and how I got here. Thx for the encouragement.

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I love reading your post, man. It’s great to see you show such an amazing example of the Program working and working well.

Keep em coming pal

So inspiring Butch! What a journey. I am so glad things have opened up for you and your family. Such a blessing and I am so happy for you.

Thank you for sharing that, I understand your pain. My wife of twenty years first separated and then divorced me. It has been very difficult, I left and went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Achieved my first year sober there but unfortunately went back out drinking prior to a year and a half. I am back again in the US and have almost five months now. All I can offer is empathy, I know how hard the emotional stuff is with a failed long term marriage. I always try to remember I have a lot going for me and that staying sober must come before everything and everybody. Stay strong and stay sober!

Congrats on 5 months. That is awesome. When I wrote that original message I was truly broken and did not see a way out. I went to meetings, worked on the steps and stayed sober. I got got better a little at a time. Today I find I am happy. I have let go of the hurt and hate. That was the great relief. I wish you the best. Don’t drink, work the steps and get God in your life is what got me through one day at a time.

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