Maybe I'm meant to be a fuck up. An example of what NOT to be

I had 2 months, then relapsed for 3. Got sober for a week, and gave in again. Maybe. If I had a wife/girlfriend/kids, or something that required me to not be drunk, I could do better. At the moment, I’m 37 single, no kids, and don’t care very much about myself.

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Hi and first of all, it is already great that you are here and trying. Having a partner or kids will not make yo stay sober if you don’t do this for yourself. There are so many people here with kids and spouses who are still struggling with their addiction. Then there’s even more people like that with families who are still in active addiction who are not on this forum. Yes, external factors can give you the push to quit, but you need more to actually stay sober. That has to be done for you and only for you. So I’d say you’re single right now it is the perfect time to start taking care of yourself! You will meet someone one day and how good will it be to have your Sh*t together for that time! :slight_smile:

So. Do you attend any meetings or are you doing this all alone?

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In my addiction @BigRich, I hear that ALL the time. People saying to me that if they were married or had a girlfriend, they wouldn’t be so prone to act out.

They are excuses. Where I come from, we call that entitlement. That idea, along with self-hatred, are two huge triggers that lead to acting out in our addictions. They must be addressed and dealt with.

Seeing recovery and ourselves in a positive light is so very important for success. Your not a f@$ up. It’s not healthy to see yourself in that manner. And @Laualamp is so right. This is a great time to work on you. The last thing you want to do is bring a wife, a girlfriend​, or children into this mess.

Thanks for sharing. Just dust yourself off,get on that horse, and keep going. You can stay sober today. You got this!

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I hit like not because of the negative feedback you are giving yourself but because you are here posting which means you do care. Two weeks is not nothing @BigRich. You did it and you can do it again or better!

Being single is a great time to work on caring for yourself. Get fit, get some hobbies and cook good food for yourself because you deserve it.

When you do meet someone they will be excited to be with someone who has their life sorted and they are more likely to be want to be sober and healthy with you.

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My ONLY problem with this post is that it seems you are putting the responsibility of getting and staying sober on others. Trust me, they can’t do it for you. You have to do it. I am married and with 2 kids…although they are my motivation to get sober it really doesn’t help me deal with the demons. I still hear the voices telling me that I NEED that drink. I hear the voices telling me “It’s only one drink, one drink won’t hurt”.

I think the main issue is that you say you “don’t care very much about myself”. I don’t know if that is really true or if that is just your alcoholic brain speaking to you. But really you need to take care of that. I KNOW FOR A FACT, that you are a good person and worthy of love…be it love from yourself or from others.

YOU ARE WORTHY OF SOBRIETY!! Believe that.

And I am going to say congratulations. Congratulations on the successes you’ve had. Two months is great. (I’ve never made it 2 months). You CAN do it. And, you are here talking about this and trying to get help. That is also awesome. You are not letting this take over. You are fighting.

:sparkling_heart:

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@BigRich Great advice above. Please take it. To be successful in overcoming an addiction, you must do for yourself, not anyone else.

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Sounds to me like you’re having a role crisis!? Would you like to meet someone and become a father? If so, then that’s a nice goals to be sober for and work towards :slight_smile:

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Your most difficult critic is yourself. Only you know your true character. I don’t care what you did, but I do care what your going to do about it. Are you going to seek inner-strength and explore your options for self-healing? Are you going to seek professional care? Giving up isn’t an option.

I just had 65 day soberiety run and relapsed a few weeks ago. One or two alcohol filled weekends of drinking. I’m talking went to bed drunk, woke up drunk and stayed drunk. I was pissed at my self.

All that hard work I did for 65 days kicked in. I knew how not to drink! I had a chest full of tools. I knew how good I felt not drinking. I absolutely felt the influence of the hangover; anxiety, resentment and depression.

Once the cloud lifted. I stepped right back in to sobriety mode. I downloaded the app again (I deleted it).

Our lives are worth a fight! If alcohol comes knocking on my door again, he better be armed because I’m beating his azz!

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You’re not meant to be a screw up! You slipped, we all do. I’ve gone through countless opiate withdrawals and I keep trying. It’s not how many times you fall, it’s how many times you GET UP! Please don’t give up on yourself! Addiction sucks but you can kick it’s ass! Btw having kids doesn’t necessarily help you stay clean. I have two.

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the harder you look for fulfiĺment the more elusive it becomes. It not easy to be content with your lot in life but they joirney will be easier if you are sober. Dont search to hard and things will fall into place slowly

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@BigRich. Hang in there Fight for yourself. I had a wife and two children and they couldn’t keep me sober. It is only when you have had enough of the running, and pain involved that it is possible. I know it’s not fun to be alone but after a little while you will be “ok” with it. It won’t be fun but you can still enjoy life. The clarity I’m gaining is miraculous for me. I’m comfortable to come home and focus on me or my surroundings. I can tell you as soon as you stop reaching for that void to get filled suddenly you’ll start to notice it is filling up. Then in my case it scares you about that lol.

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You deserve happiness and you need to be soooo kind to yourself.

Please wake up to loving yourself and remind yourself how much you’re worth it.

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I’m doing it mostly alone. I grew up going to my father’s AA meetings. I appreciate that AA helps lots of people. It’s too much like a cult for me to join.

Thanks. That is some really sound advice.

No one is “meant” to be a fuck up. Stop bashing yourself and continue to build yourself up! You can do this!

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Having a fiance never stopped me from relapsing after 60 days sober. And being drunk almost on a daily basis for the majority of our relationship.
We can’t put our sobriety on anyone but ourselves. It’s simply not fair for me to stay sober just for my fiance when it isn’t for me. That leads to resentment. I know I’m a better person sober and therefore our relationship is better when I’m sober. But it’s up to me to make that decision.
Have you thought about getting a dog or cat? Having the unconditional love of a pet can help us when we’re feeling bad or whatever. I’ve spent many sober nights and weekends at home with my dog. He’s a good stress relief for me whether we go for walks, play, or just sit while I pet him.
You can get through this!

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@BigRich if you’re doing it alone, you’re not doing recovery. Like @Oliverjava suggested, find something that works for you and you’ll get relief. Having a spouse or kids won’t get or keep you sober. If you’re in enough pain, you’ll be willing to do anything for sobriety.

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