Me with My Porn Addiction

Life in Recovery
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“Life is hard, indeed. But it is up to us to forget everything and run, or face everything and rise.”
-Anonymous

Addiction is real. And it is hard to ignore the cravings, the urges, especially, when we allow ourselves to be ‘held captive’ by it. No matter what the addiction is, it is our enemy.

In this post, I’d like to tell about the things that I noticed since I started this journey. There are numerous, but allow me to share this one first. First of all, allow me to introduce myself, I am a 17 year old teen. I first knew porn on 5th grade. I started to realize it was a problem on 9th grade, and been struggling ever since.

That I wasn’t ‘normal’

So this is the very first thing that I notice since I started this journey. At the beginning, I keep asking to myself, “Woah, so I’m addicted to something?”, as the time goes by with all its ups and downs I’m also sometimes hesitated with myself, “Am I really addicted?”, and now, since I’ve been here for a long time, the question goes to, “Can I really stop?”. I am stuck to this addictive ‘habit’ that I didn’t even know I was addicted in. And the worst part, is I thought it was normal. I was led to believe the narrative that say, “Porn is normal, everybody watch it” which I ironically heard from a porn vid/actor that I watched. And it happens for years, for the last two years at least. And now, the moment I realize I was doing wrong, there are too much things ‘broken already’. My habit, my skills, my intelligence, my social skills, it all a bit ‘broken’ now. But I realize that I can still get out of this. But it is so hard, superbly hard. I’ve been stumbling for quite a lot, and somehow I just have the power to keep continuing despite the uncertainty of the future.

That’s all for now, thank you for reading this far!
Stay strong!

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At 17, you have a great opportunity. I look forward to seeing you recover and make the most of your life.

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What an amazing read. As someone who had struggled with porn addiction for many years, I can relate to all of this. If I had this much insight at 17, i might have been able to overcome the porn addiction much earlier.

I struggled also with the idea of “normal” and being broken. I’ve come to learn first that the only normal is a setting on the washing machine. It took me a long time to understand that different doesn’t equate to better or worse.

Second, I was very broken at one point, but I refused to heal. I didn’t realize that healing is an activity, not passive. I now have a few scars, but otherwise good as new.

Being different and being broken at one time does not affect my value.

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Thank you very much, wish me luck!

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Thank you very much.

I guess I’m just lucky to realize that what I’m doing is wrong and not a very ‘healthy’ activity as some would say --at least to me. In fact, the last few years prove the otherwise. It is harmful. It is dangerous. To myself, my body, especially my brain. And from reading a few sites that say it really bring bad changes to my brain, especially on descision making, which then sadly I really experience in my daily life, it makes me more determined to stop. Porn ‘pollute’ my brain very much. But I know, I can still stop. We all can still stop. That’s why we’re here, sharing stuffs to each other, that hopefully make us better every single day and keep motivates us on this journey.

And scars are what makes us better. It is the proof of our battles, though not all battles are won.

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