I wanted to do a quick check in and let it out that Iām super f***ing sad again and miss my ex so much. I thought I was doing better than BAM Iām going through it again. Depression is back and Iām trying to shake it. Held back tears during the meeting tonight and just feel hopeless and like Iām nothing. The way I got discarded at the lowest point of my life cut me so deep that I donāt think Iām going to be able to heal. I donāt want anyone else but her and I know sheās never coming back. I know that she did a lot of horrible things to me like Iāve told you guys about before but it doesnāt matter to me I just want her to love me again. I feel like a piece of trash that was thrown away and I keep suffering with heartbreak while she has moved on and happy. I have been close to trying to look at her FB page to see who sheās with but I havenāt done it because I think Iāll really hurt myself if I know the truth. Iām sorry Iām so down right now and this is the only place I feel comfortable to talk to anyone. Iām still clean and sober, 73 days today and Iām not worried about using, the only craving I have in my mind is to hurt myself but Iām not. I used to cut a lot and I feel like I want to again to make this stop but I wonāt I promise. Just really sad maybe you could keep me in your prayers that would be awesome thank you so much. Love you guys 
Oh Rob, I can feel your pain from here. I do know it too. I can only say for me time helped. It wasnāt easy or pretty but you will get on the other side of this pain. If you can cry then do; it does help.
Sheās not worthy of your anguish, nothing against her personally, but in your life and you as a wonderful person and a man who has been through so much; try not to let her have that grip on you, hun.
I will say a prayer for you.
Itās plain difficult to go through. Iām sorry, I know itās painful. But youāre doing the right thing by letting yourself feel it because through the pain you can heal. Instead of numbing it out which will make things worse and wonāt make the feelings go away, you are facing it head on and thatās something to be proud of. Even though it might not feel like it, you are being so strong by handling it the way that you are and sharing it al with us instead of using. Proud of you!
I say a prayer for you 
Cry, let the feelings out, breathe 
This too shall pass.
Send you calm vibes 
Iām so sorry for your pain Rob. Sounds like your dealing with some very painful heart wrenching feelings. Glad your not picking up or hurting yourself. I guess now that we are clean and sober we got to learn to feel this shit. Iāll pray for ya. Iāll pray God gives you his peace during this difficult time and know He loves you. Your a good man.
Iām just not up to believing this today - sorry!
I started acting out in my teens, thatās over 45 years agoā¦
I have been through 10 years of therapy, group and individual, the former with National Centre for OCDā¦ No change, still sufferā¦
Am trying to change meds to see if that makes any difference.
I have come to terms with some of my trauma but havenāt healed to any extent yet.
Sorry if this is negative, just want to be real.
Wow, respect, Rob, mighty respect!
Well done.
Take care.
It isnāt negative, it is your reality and sharing it is important. We are all unique individuals with our own pasts and experiences, we cannot expect our path to be the same as someone elseās. I do firmly believe tho we can heal in a fashionā¦find some semblance of peace. I also started on my path at 15, which was 45 years ago for me as well. Thatās a long time to feel ābrokenā, I agree. And it wasnāt until I had some time in recovery and sobriety that I felt some of the pressure lift in my headā¦still I carry it in my bodyā¦I can feel it. I donāt feel like my healing is ācompleteā (for lack of a better word) by any stretch, but since getting soberā¦I do feel more peace inside and that for me is healing.
Donāt give up on your self and finding what brings you some relief. And thanks for being honest and real.
Feeling our feelings can really suck sometimes and I am sorry you are feeling so down. I can hear your sadness and I know how āickyā and uncomfortable those feelings can be. Break ups can be hard and take so much of our energy and bandwidth to navigate. In my life experience I have found that feeling our way thru, allowing ourselves that place and space to feel it all and let it move thru us, helps. It doesnāt necessarily feel good when doing it (understatement) though.
Proud of you for sharing.
Thanks for your encouraging reply - I do feel some measure of healing, definitely more peace insideā¦ I used to be restless about my divorce - how could it happen to us? But time and friendships and opening up to those I trust head indeed made a big difference.
When this tiny earth is all wound up, we will be changed, in the twinkling of an eye, we will be completely healed - no more tears, no more pain, no more trauma.
Maranatha, come Lord Jesus!
Itās odd but sometimes sobriety does strange things to us. We may trade in a substance abuse for a love addiction AKA infatuation. You know what harm had been caused to you. You are moving on with your life on all sorts of ways.
Thank you @Piglet @SassyRocks @erntedank @anon79808082 @no-longer-a-victim @Dazercat @slim.shieldsy and @Brookiemonster618 I really appreciate you guys! It was so nice to wake up to so much support thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means so much to me to have you all in my life even though weāre miles apart. Iām feeling a lot better this morning and thank you again for a safe place that I can be honest with what Iām going through without anyone making fun of me or calling me stupid. Have a wonderful day everyone much love for you all
Absolutely true for meā¦
Have you ever noticed how much better you feel after a good workout, an epic cry, or a solid therapy session? Show up for yourself and honor what it is you NEED