Oooooof…
Its heavy, that armor, and it is exhausting to carry. But the alternate option is terrifying though right? I am learning through step work though that if we are to grow spiritually we need to let go of that fear. After years of having guards up and wearing masks and not letting people know who we truly are… the only people we have been hurting is ourselves. So for me, I have to apply courage to that fear I feel; fear of not being accepted, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being hurt, fear of failure; fear of the unknown. One of the first lessons I learned in recovery was not everyone wants to see me fail. That is how I felt walking into the rooms of NA and I surely do not feel that way when I am sitting at one of those tables. So finding the courage to let down my guard a little at a time is where I am now, because I do not need to be a fucking warrior anymore… my war is over, I survived it. Its time to live now and I can not live when I am carrying all that heavy shit around.
Schema therapy is exactly that: working on removing the armour I built around myself as a kid. Layer by layer and step by step. In a way using was part of that armour too, trying not to feel, trying not to let the big bad world in, trying to protect myself, to protect my heart by not let anyone get close to it. Closing myself in inside my armour. In the end living like that isn’t really living. It’s dying a little bit each and every day, dying one day at a time.
So no more. Chipping away now at all that protective layers. Hard work. Not there by any means. Making progress though. I’m still scared but I’m getting ready to face those fears instead of hiding from them in my shell. Thanks Stella and thanks @Dazercat Eric. Love
Never heard of it in group form outside a clinic, I had a few sessions in group in rehab. I’m enrolled on a waitinglist for schema therapy. Looking forward to it, but on the other hand it also scares the shit out of me . Are you satisfied? And what do you maybe have in place when they hit the core. Because I know and experienced the intensity It might bring. So bit scared that it will make me wobbling.
We just evaluated the first twenty sessions of a total of sixty weekly 2 hour ones. Will take close to 18 months all in all. This was supposed to be the reconnaissance face, and the real work should start now. Or something like that. It’s tough but it’s very helpful. By doing the work seriously my fear and general anxiety have diminished quite a lot already.
I’ve feared ‘reaching the core’ and what might happen then a lot too. Not quite there yet. But by chipping away steadily at all that has been holding me back I feel this core is coming ever better in reach and view and thus less scary too. yes, I’m satisfied. Loads of work to do but it’s already working. This therapy is aimed at and developed for people like me and you (I assume), and also at our fears and core problems. So there is not that much to fear. There’s a lot of safety build in.
That being said, besides a lot of positive reinforcement of course, feedback I got from the therapists, is
that I should dare more int he group and be more vulnerable so I can get more help. Guess I’m still rather scared… It really is helpful though. Very much so. If you want to know more about it, I’d advice you to get and read the self help book ‘Reinventing your life’ by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko, the folks who developed schema therapy, and which works from the same principles. Success.
. Are you satisfied? And what do you maybe have in place when they hit the core. Because I know and experienced the intensity It might bring. So bit scared that it will make me wobbling.
