Right, the way I look at it is this… The only way forgiveness is ever on the table is when it is asked for. “Please forgive me…”
If someone has done me a dirty and not asked for forgivness then I definitely dont need to work on forgiving them. Its much more important for me to work on detachment.
Now in the meme I posted, I too was one of those parents that drug my child through 12 years of my active addiction. I sure do love that she can see this disease through a compassionate lens, and she doesnt look at me like the monster that I felt I was when I came into recovery. Everyday I did the best I could for my kid and on alot of days my best was really shitty. I am grateful we are alive and I am grateful that God willing she will be giving me my 5 year cake in Dec.
Life is a journey, we are all learning as we go along.
Hey @Its_me_Stella . I am sure that your best, even during active addiction, was adequately loving and grounded for your kid.
I am talking about emotional cruelty, physical harm, negligence and deliberate manipulation. In my case it is the result of narcissistic mother and emotionally avoidant father combined, which then turned into alcoholic narcissist mother and absent father, and how that damages.
deliberate cruelty and neglect and manipulation and harm, does not ever need forgiving. I like what you said about asking forgiveness though, that’s a really simple point but highlights that they have to be open and humble to acknowledge wrongdoing in the first place.
Unless, of course, it’s gaslighting and pretend.
Love to you. Can’t wait to see your five years 
Love you too. I am grateful that you are not a child stuck in that situation anymore. 
This is basically what I’m working on since I became sober. To go from having walls to having boundaries. It’s why I call my journey one of Discovery because I never learned this.
Mmm me likey.
This is a really spot on meme for me, thanks for sharing it.
And I was very sorry to read about your friend. You know my 1st husband killed himself decades ago. I held a lot of limited ideas regarding suicide for many years because of my pain and ignorance. Healing takes many forms for sure. Many hugs, friend.
Can relate to this meme alot. Thank u for sharing 
There have been instances in my past where i never got that apology for what was done to me. For the longest time, i felt like id never get closure bcuz they didnt admit their wrongdoings. Came to realize that I was only continuing the hurt by allowing it to consume me and hurt me (even long after the incident was over). I had a choice. To keep suffering while waiting for them to acknowledge what they had done, or to forgive them and move on. Forgiving them, to me, doesnt mean that what happened was okay. It means that i have realized that they are a sick person that doesnt have that ability to acknowledge the hurt they cased and that I deserve better by moving on with my life. To this day i have never recieved an apology and thats okay (its not like i talk to them anyway). I have become free by letting go.
Yes!!
This serves me well too.
Thanks for your strong perspective!! 
That’s the thing. What it is about, is being able to move on and not giving room in (y)our head to others. The exact meaning of forgiveness is disputed and disputable I feel. I’m not sure I’m able to forgive -as I see the notion- all people I encountered in my life. But I can move on.
I don’t think everyone needs to share the same experience of forgiveness as presented here. We are all unique, as are our histories. Finding comfort within our selves and being able to move forward in our lives … is strength as well. For me, there is at least one instance where the forgiveness is more towards myself, for not being able or willing to forgive. Again, the letting go. Idk…just my point of view. No need to be hard on oneself for being where we are at.
