Mid day check in and just needed to vent that I get so fucking sad sometimes and I feel like I want to cry but it just gets stuck in my throat and can’t come out. Like it feels like I don’t have any tears left to cry. I am in a pretty dark place and it seems like my life is stuck and I am having a hard time pulling myself together. I have been thinking a lot about drinking lately because of the relief of the first drink but I know my life would be fucked if I did that. I don’t go to meetings because I can’t stand to listen to people talk about god. So I find myself seriously lonely and isolating. I just feel fucking hopeless sometimes and I just have to sit with it I guess. That’s what I always do. I can’t bullshit myself into believing that things will get better, they haven’t in almost 5 years. Meanwhile everyone I know are in relationships and are happy. I have to accept the fact that I’m old now and my time has passed. I’m just venting but I wish I would be able to experience someone loving me again. Cheezy I know but it’s breaking my heart. Thanks for letting me let it out, love you guys.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad.
Big Hugs for you and your hurts, losses, and disappointments.
You’re not too old and your time hasn’t passed. Besides, you’re a rock star!
Hoping that out there somewhere that woman will come along, and y’all will continue your life together for many years. Until then you just have to keep on the best you can. Being your kind self to others. I wish there was an organization or meeting that you would feel comfortable in and feel a part of the group, whatever the subject matter might be, recovery or whatever.
Thanks Alisa I’ll keep plugging along like I always do, it just gets exhausting sometimes is all. Thanks again 
Just a quick follow up. I’m feeling a lot better after I put on some music and did some cleaning. Damn those meltdowns are tough lol. Sooooo glad I can vent here when necessary!! Thanks again for being there @Alisa i appreciate it so much! 
I did read your update and am so glad that you are doing better now. So sorry that you were in such a dark place. I am grateful that you used healthy tools like music and venting hereto get you in a positive frame of mind.
5 years is a long time in recovery and yet just the beginning. I see myself as being reborn with my sobriety and it’s not from birth but still I have a ways to go. You also have been through a lot and processing all that loss alongside sobriety wasn’t easy I’m sure. Don’t loose hope and don’t give up 
Oh friend . You are an amazing man with a heart of gold and I’m sorry the dating scene has been so bleak lately but I’m sure you will find the perfect Mrs rockstar. It’s not too late and you still have many happy years ahead. Sending love and many hugs your way 
Thank you for all your kind words Jasmine. I appreciate you always being there for me, it means a lot. Yes, I think that all of the deaths I’ve experienced add to the feelings of hopelessness at times and I think I’m attempting to feel whole again. Much better this morning, have a great day! 
If you are on this site, in these pages, in this Mental Health Memes and discussions thread, know that you are cared for by many.
You are amongst a group who are interested in their own success, being free from their behavior or drug of choice, and are also interested in the common good of others.
The wellbeing and success of others, going through their lives to free themselves from addictions of all kinds, from all across the world.
There are many caring souls and hearts here.
Many very scarred and hurt, many healing, all on their own paths to recovery.
YOU are not alone. You are cared for and surrounded by a group of loving individuals.
Love,
Alisa
Painting “Heart of hearts”
Julie Wynn
Spain
