29 days sober and I have an uncontrollable, overwhelming feeling of wanting to die. I’m on meds and in therapy but still have these moments more than not. Not sure what to do and I feel like a burden so I don’t reach out to anyone. Don’t feel like anyone cares anyways. So lonely. I’m trying to remind myself that this feeling is temporary and will pass. I keep myself busy working but can’t control my tears.
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You do matter!! Really proud of you for reaching out.
29 days is awesome and something to really proud of. Early sobriety was a rollercoaster of feeling and emotions for me, it seemed like everything that had ever happened to me bubbled up all at once. I cried everywhere and at all times of day and night. It helped me to tell people about it and share my feelings. Writing gratitudes and staying in the present, doing sports to flush some stuff out.
While I think it is normal to be sad and overwhelmed to some degree, it still might be a good idea to call your therapist or a helpline, if wanting to die keeps being on the forefront of your mind. There is a lot happening in your body right now, chemically speaking.
Care to tell us about your reasons to get sober a little more?
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Glad you’re here Amanda. Glad you’re reaching out here. Welcome to TS and congrats on 29 days of sobriety. Please know you are not alone. We’re in this together here and for me that has made all the difference. Hoping we can mean something to you as well.
Even though I don’t know you beyond what you just wrote here, know that I do care. I’m also very proud of you. I agree with Pandita that early on in sobriety (which you still are) there’s a lot of chemical imbalance that needs to be reset and readjuted in our bodies. Please hang in there. And indeed more professional help might be in order too friend. In the meantime stay with us. Big hugs.
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It sounds like you really need someone to talk to, while this can be a good place to reach out, you may prefer to speak with someone in person. Please consider talking with someone about these dark thoughts…they are there to help and listen…
United States
Call or text 988
The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals in the United States. Website also offers an immediate chat box.
Crisis Text Line is the free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.
Canada
(Get Help | 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline)
Call 1.833.456.4566
Text 45645
UK
Samaritans UK - Call 116 123 any time, whatever you’re going through.
(Also see https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/ for a list of other organisations offering specialist support)
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Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.
I actually didn’t think I had an addictive personality. I’m 39 and never had issues before with alcohol or drugs. I’ve got trauma from my childhood and early adulthood. Over a year ago my stepdad who raised me and I call dad, just quit having anything to do with me. Long story…. Mother had an affair and once he realized she wasn’t coming back he was done with me too. That’s 2 dads that dropped me. I started drinking then it became daily then it just became a habit and I lost control over it. I’m a wife and mother, my oldest is 20 and youngest is 8. I realized what I was doing could be a big issue at some point. I was relying on the alcohol to cover my feelings. I’d wake up looking forward to the afternoon when I could have a drink. It’s all I thought about. My husband is an addict and I seen the red flags in what I was doing. I want to be better for my kids and be a mother they can be proud to call mom.
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Thank you so much! I’m also a very caring person so I appreciate you letting me know that you care 
. My therapist suggested an app like this and I thought it be good to talk with others who know what I’m going through. Like we all can help each other through these obstacles.
I have PTSD, manic depression, severe anxiety, ADHD and borderline personality disorder. Today was a bad day for me. Sadly it happens more than not. It doesn’t take much to trigger me. I’ve been in therapy for 3+ yrs now to help me rewire my brain. Some moments I lose. But now being newly sober and having to readjust is just another obstacle that I’m trying to navigate through. Thank you again for being here for me as I have been doing this alone.
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First and foremost…. You do matter!! You matter so much, and I know that right now it doesn’t feel that way, but I promise that you do. And you know what??? YOU MATTER TO ME!! I know you dont know me, but I am so proud of you. You have made it to 29 days clean and sober. And I gotta tell you, the first 30 days are the hardest, at least they were for me. But you just gotta keep pushing yourself, even if you gotta take it one minute at a time or one hour at a time. Be proud of yourself when you make it to your goal. Then tell yourself okay I made it one hour now im gonna stay clean for another and then another. And before you know it, it’s been another 24 hours. I have been clean for 95 days today and it is a struggle some days worse than others, but everyday it’s worth it and every day it gets better and better …. I promise. I believe in you. You can do this
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Awesome that you can say this out loud here. I too have been in that frozen state a couple times. You are far from alone when you speak up around here. Welcome to TS
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Hi 
I’m 39 too. I have major depression. The last time I wanted to die was April 6th, and that was the day I decided to quit drinking. The day before was Easter, and I knew I should reach out and tell someone about my suicidal thoughts, but I figured everyone was celebrating that day, and I didn’t want to bother them. So I drank two bottles of wine instead. I’m just sharing this in case it helps you feel a little less alone. I’m 22 days sober, and you’re 29! That’s awesome! I hope we can both continue on this journey.
-Shelby
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I didn’t know it then, but alcohol made my depression so much worse. I thought alcohol was the only thing that kept me mentally afloat, when it really dragged me down. My therapist told me she would discontinue working with me if I chose to continue drinking, as it inhibited or even reversed any progress we had made so far. Chosing life, chosing change was the best thing that ever happened to me. You are doing something great for yourselves @707 and @Ademmons If the road gets bumpy, come here, find support, we’ll be here to help you stay on track. Much love both your ways
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