went 30 days clean from everything then had one night away with my bf in a hotel to unwind… we had some mdma and I didn’t drink because I didn’t want to but the whole night felt flat as he was drinking and it felt like he was experiencing a buzz I wasn’t feeling… I felt left out so I had a few drinks and if felt amazing but then came the guilt…
since that night I have reset my counter but I have also given in to drinking in this lovely warm weather. I’ve put weight on, used the sunshine as an excuse, used bbqs etc and then this week my fiance had to go to a hotel in Kent for a week for work - I had to stay at my home in Wales with my kids and there are trust issues as he has been known to lie so I feel I’ve got through it by drinking. I feel like the worst mum and person in the world.
I know myself better than angone and I know it’s never too late to start again but I feel like I have started too many times and I am doomed to fail so what is the point.
I’m an alcoholic and once that gets in my system I am also a coke head. 28 years old need some help and support even though I know it already xxxx
Use this experience as the proof for your own mind that you can’t just have one, that you are addicted.
My relapse, though not my best string of moments, was probably the greatest thing for my sobriety this time around. My entire outlook has changed about sobriety and about my relationship with alcohol. I can’t deny this anymore, the proof was undeniable.
It’s tough to get over the guilt and shame from relapse. Try not to focus on those things, just start. You can do this!
Welcome back @valleybabe3. It takes what it takes to get sober. I’ve had my struggles getting it to stick. The difference? Working a recovery program and going to meeting for accountability and fellowship. Doing it alone without help allowed me to white knuckle then give in and push boundaries I had set for myself. Never give up…each time you learn something.
Don’t beat yourself up over it girl. We all fall a few times before we succeed. I’m an alcoholic too and if I even have a few drinks it makes me want to get high. This is probably my 8th attempt really being serious about sobriety. It seems like I can’t even make it two weeks sometimes. But being apart of this beautiful community of support we’re in might just be a game changer for me this time. And maybe for you as well. Like you said, reset your counter and try not to dwell on the past. Tomorrow is a new day. I totally understand that summer has got to be the worst time ever to quit everything. But I guess if we can get through the summer, winter should be a piece of cake. We’re all going to get through this together!
Try not to stress too much about what he is or isn’t doing. He is going to do whatever he chooses while he is away and it’s not something that you can control. The only thing you can control is your response to these situations. Drinking is just going to make everything worse. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to try to focus on your kids. They are right there with you and need you to be fully present. Trust issues are such a difficult thing to deal with. But your sobriety should stay number one regardless of whatever else is going on. It’s not easy but it’s the only way to succeed. If his actions are making you stress out so much that you feel like you need to drink all the time to cope then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Obviously I’m just a stranger on the internet but I understand the stress of having a partner who tends to lie. For me the stress was taking a huge toll on my physical/mental health. I also coped by drinking and drugging. All it did was make things exponentially worse. You’ve got to take care of yourself and focus on pulling yourself out of this vicious cycle. Keep trying. Every day gives you an opportunity for a fresh start. We are always here to listen.
@valleybabe3, Ok so we no know your a typical human with an addiction… guess What? So am I, and the rest of us…and we all make mistake! The question is… Did you learn from it? They say there’s a lesson and a blessing . And thank God the blessing is your not dead, and I bet you could name 5 other blessings I know another one. We are blessed to have you back… Now for the lesson, Only you can figure that one out… I could preach till the cows came over the hill all covered. But what good would that do? NONE… You know, I what I would do the next time maybe reach out for guidance when you are starting to feel the struggling before you relapse. Do you believe in s higher power? Or do you pray? You know theses days I find that people forget to pray for guidance to figure out what direction to take.I know until I got clean which is 1year today as we speak I forgot about God that’s my higher power all the time… any way I’ll pray with you. And don’t forget to thank your higher for what he has already bestowed upon you. Good luck:four_leaf_clover:
I struggle with constant relapse. Always fooling myself into thinking I have better control than others. There were some uncool scenes involving booze when my kids were very young, and they still remember. So I’ll have a couple bumps, and then my now-teenage kids will unexpectedly drop by just to be sweet (joint custody), and then I’ve got to hide it, and then the waves of guilt because I am sure they can tell even if it was just one. And I realize I don’t have that control, because I chose that over my kids and I still have not applied the lesson. So, to reiterate what others have said, keep in mind that you have to be strong for them. Don’t give them memories of you being messed up, of the fighting or weirdness. Children are resilient and forgiving, but when you let the booze control you, you are letting it control them and your relationship with them too. When you feel weak, remember you kids. It may work just enough to stop it for the night. Then you can have that clean day, and use it to build another, and just keep that going with working your program. All that said, we all have bad days, just remember you are a good person having a bad day. Learn from it, and move past it to a new day. Best of wishes, you’ll be ok!
Good luck:four_leaf_clover: