Missing identity?

Hi, this is a question for the long term abstinence people- firstly huge congratulations on your achievements; I’m only on day 4 (alcohol). Here’s my question, do you feel a part of your identity has been lost?
Hear me out; what I’m trying to say is that I think I will miss the
Part of me that has crazy times with booze and so much fun. I hope that doesn’t sound lame and please don’t judge, but curious to know if you miss your wilder sides…?

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I don’t miss my wilder side because I may have been fun a looooong time ago, but the end of my relationship with alcohol was just plain sad. I’d start out being all talkative and giggles after a few drinks in me…but by nights end (or the next day) I embarrassed myself by the things I said or did all in a complete blackout. Unexplained bruises, money missing, etc. I find that the fun side of my personality comes out in different ways in sobriety. You will not become lame and boring just because you get sober. Some of the most clever, witty, and hilarious people I know are in recovery.

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Thank you. I guess it’s just my selective memory talking!

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I’m only 40 or so days in but you have a really valid question. I think you’re going to have to come to terms with being a different person. I was getting a bit unnerved by it after 14 days, and you’re right, surrendering that crazy bit is odd, but conversely you have to ask yourself, do you eventually want to be an unhealthy, lying, deceitful slave to a poison in return for brief periods of craziness?

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You’re right - no I don’t! I just don’t have the vision right now to see myself in any other way on a night out. I know it’s not worth it, but was curious how others coped. Well done you btw, 40 days, I’m jealous.

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I hear what you are saying. I am not yet 12 days in. I miss the idea of getting together with friends for a drink. The thing is, that part of the day/night would be fun, but then I had a tendency to continue drinking on my own at home later. And sometimes the next day I wouldn’t recall the fun parts! So, I have to accept those days are over, and my first test is tonight when my neighbors are coming over for appetizers and drinks. I have Perrier for myself, but, hoping for no questions. Long answer to you, but yes, willi miss parts of “myself”.

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I’m looking at people posting who are on 90, 190, now that’s got me green!
Give it 40 days and I promise you that you’ll be keying in something similar to a poster in a simal situation! You’ll do it.

The fear of being in an alcoholic environment subsides after a while. Before Xmas I went to a bar/restaurant in London and my 3 friends spent a shit load of money on booze. I stuck to sparkling water and, although it sounds like bs I had just as good a time as them. I just enjoyed their happiness. Same happened between Xmas and new year in a different part of the country. I did avoid Xmas eve and new year’s eve though, but not this year. I’ll be there!

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I guess it’s okay to miss bits then, but focus on all the stuff we’ll gain.

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i totally get what you are saying…i havent yet accepted tge becoming a different person aspect and quite honestly I’m not sure how to.

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Hey Paul. What you are saying has been a big issue for me. I’m 25 years old. 160 days sober today and I have to honestly tell you that I still haven’t fully and truly accepted my current life and the fact that I can’t go out and live the “wild” life I did before. But I know that this is more important and this will take me somewhere good one day. I’m changing my habits, changing the way I think and it I must tell you that every day it gets better. Try getting involved with other things that give you the rush. I switched alcohol and drugs to sports. I hope this helps in any way. Take care

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I was also mostly scared of this huge loss of a part of my identity. I have a hate-love relationship with my drunk personality.
Been sober for 23 days, because as much fun as I might be when I’m drunk, I don’t even remember those moments. I always got blackout drunk. The only people that found me amusing were other blackout drunk people. Anyone else, not so much.
But I do now have a feeling like I have to relearn how to live. I mean, for example, I don’t even remember ever kissing someone or having sex sober. I’m like really scared to have sex sober for the first time in probably ten years. Or to go on a date sober. Like, I’ve never done that sober. But as much as I’m scared of it I’m also looking forward to these experiences, it will honestly probably feel like I’m doing everything for the first time in life hehe :smiley: so my advice would be to just go with the flow and see how you change and who you really are without alcohol. It can be scary, but it can also be exciting!
Also, I have realised I’m very witty when I’m sober. Who would have known!
Good luck!

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Also, I don’t know if you feel strong enough to do that, but I still go out with my friends, because I just love going out, hanging out, dancing in the club. I usually drink non-alcoholic beer for the taste and just to feel like I’m still partying. It’s been a great solution for me! I also buy non-alcoholic beer for my friends and they’re usually too drunk to notice it’s not real beer, so they don’t get even more drunk :joy::joy::joy:
But don’t try that if you feel you’re not strong enough. I realized I actually have more fun partying sober and it’s been a relief.

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Awesome response!! Sounds amazing, thank you for the inspiration

I wasn’t truly myself when I was drinking. In sobriety, I have found the person my Higher Power has molded me into being. I’m here to help others and serve. I cannot do that by drinking. I’m finally clear-headed and emotionally stable. I don’t have to live up to false expectations. It’s okay to be sober, I don’t need to be “cool”, and I am more than enough for the world.

I don’t feel “okay” everyday. But I have gone through NOTHING in the last 304 days that would have been easier with alcohol. I live in gratitude today. I find the light in the dark. And that is a miracle.

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I love you, Rachel Marie. This is the best thing I have read

i dont miss the guy who drank there again that was 30 years ago lol i still am a bit crazy so my wife says but good crazy still get my sons cringing when i get up to dance they say im still in the sixties lol . go to AA dances and have a ball sober is good AND ENJOYING YOURSELF IS A PART OF RECOVERY EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY

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Hell yes that’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks man .