Missing my acting out

Life in Recovery
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Might sound odd but did anyone almost get disappointed and bummed that you can’t act out. Like you wanna go hang out with your friends but can’t. Like I wanna go hang out with my oorn and masterbation friend because it’s fun and feels good in the moment but it’s not friends I should hang out with because of the consequences of doing so it’s stupid and I know it but I still miss doing so. If this makes sense at all.

I feel like I’m kinda depressed that I can’t act out but I also feel guilty that i want to act out so badly it almost aches. I’m 6 weeks sober from porn and masterbation and it’s been a long 6 weeks.

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Hey, I know what this is like. This is part of my definition of white-knuckling. Fighting the desires, constantly craving, until I crash and burn falling into the same pile of dirt. I’ve done this cycle hundreds of times.

First of all, welcome. You’ve found a good community.

Secondly, the journey to lust-free life is a great one. You are seeking a very good thing. Hard for me to believe this fact at first, but looking back, I’m really grateful for not giving up.

This journey has forced me to listen to God on what He truly wants me to learn. For one thing, it’s never about the behavior. God didn’t give a flying hoot about my behaviors. Yeah, they were sinful and bad and wrong, but clearly, if that was all that God was concerned about; if that was my only problem…

then I would have stopped a long time ago.

This journey has forced me to view my addiction more as a symptom, a manifestation, of deeper-rooted problems within me. And they are there. And until I identify and address those root problems with the help of God,

they will continue to subconsciously work against me undermining and sabotaging my conscious efforts to stop behaviors.

One such problem of mine is BRAINWASHING. This is the belief that my lust and sexual acting out behavior has value. And that by quitting, I’m making a sacrifice. Allen Carr refers to any method that requires taking a sacrifice as a willpower method.

Please read Easy Peasy. I consider it required reading for anybody here struggling with porn addiction.

The fact that I felt that I was missing out by abstaining from porn, MB, and lust, pointed to a bigger problem within me than my behaviors. The truth is that porn, along with lust, have no value. My brain and my soul needed to reset and understand that acting out doesn’t fill a void, but instead creates one, or makes an existing one bigger.

I’m glad you’re here. As you continue to hang around TS, you’ll become aware of other problems within you. Having understanding and awareness of ourselves gives more power to make better choices with our lives.

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Thank you for the info. I am also in SAA and have a sponser and have been working the steps. My sponsor also said this is pretty normal being 6 weeks sober. That their is a sense of grief that comes when we stop out addictive behaviors. In a sense I guess it is like losing a really good friend. Something I have found comfort in for over 30 years. So I guess it makes sense.

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I’m glad to hear you’re in SAA. I cannot say that I had an adequate connection to other men in my life until I started going to one of their meetings in my mid-twenties.

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As a woman I have found that I like the mixed meetings better than the women’s meetings. A lot of women tend to act out with sleeping around and don’t struggle with the porn and masterbation issues like I do. I have found more people I relate to their acting out in the mixed than the women’s. In the women’s groups is almost shamed if you even mention masterbation. Like you’re not even allowed to say it. I have even found a sponser whose acting out and background are very similar to mine. So that helps a lot that she understands my challenges with it.

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Hey @Goalie5678! Welcome. I too struggled with porn and online role-playing. Blissing out on fantasy was something I was doing as early as 6 or 7.

For me, I had to replace the idea that I needed to self soothe. Instead I try to focus on taking care of myself and loving myself just like a parent would. Healthy meal prep, going to exercise 3 to 4 days a week, walking the dog twice a day for 20 minutes, therapy, 12 step meeting once a week. It’s about managing life so that life doesn’t manage me. I just put off dealing with something that no one else is gonna do for me.

I gotta keep on top of my emotions with journaling too. Sometimes if I have urges it means there is something I’m not dealing with if I yearn for escape. It means there is something I’d rather not be feeling and I should take an action to address that issue.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re not defective. Just an addict with an issue specific to you. Keep on the recovery path and it’ll get easier even if you don’t do it perfectly.

:victory_hand:

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How are you doing? Still in the group?

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Yup I’m still here. I’m hanging in. It’s been a busy week, but still sober.

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Good to hear. :folded_hands:t2::+1:t2: