Just a note that I have set up a call with a counsellor for next week. The working parent life with a cranky exhausted pregnant wife is starting to put some cracks in my armour. I refuse to bring down family and friends, other than keeping it to the vague lighter life chats that avoid the deeper issues.
I need to have a healthy chat(s) with a third-party to bounce life thoughts of, and maybe some advice I don’t already know will trickle my way.
There’s no shame in admitting we’re not invincible and need help.
so grateful that you are seeing the need to reach out and making the plans to talk to someone. We really can’t do it all alone and absolutely no shame in asking for help or a lending ear.
Congrats on upcoming baby!! Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful…just having the ability to speak what is in our heads and get it out frees up space and lightens our load. Journaling can also be helpful. Glad you are using the available healing tools!!
I’m 45 minutes into 5 days’ break from work for Christmas.
I patiently gathered up all of my bad stress into an orb, and felt it slowly leave my body through my forehead, and drift out the back window. I have to thank it for its good intentions of trying to help me survive. I’m not going to fight it. I can’t win a fight against it; I just have to let it leave. I don’t need it anymore.
I’m lighter now. I’m decompressed. I’m going to summon my strength and health to continue through the rest of my day and into my tomorrow.
Sunday afternoon - last day of my 5-day holiday. Waiting for my daughter to drift off for a late nap after a visit to the indoor waterpark. Then I have to hustle to clean the kitchen and help prep some dinner with my wife because we have friends coming over. I’m posting here in my own journal because it was really sinking in as a reminder today that I am pushing through days and weeks the right way, rewiring my brain reward paths, and staying sober, which is hard. There’s no quick buzz of fun on the weekends and evenings to numb the task-load awareness. I’m posting here so I can re-read it as a reminder.
It’s on me. Peace and strength to you and me. Thank you for being here.
Important thoughts need to come back to on this thread. I need a day or a week of brain reprogramming; I started as soon as I woke this morning. I have my phone on grayscale, and this forum is my only online leisure, as a healthy outlet, reading your posts, and keeping track of my thoughts relevant to the purpose of this forum.
Other parts of the plan for the day
-no streaming music. I’m addicted to the gratification of it, and didn’t realize it til my wife went away this week and I used it *all* day the last 2 days, including at work, and playing with my daughter. Will phase it back in next week at appropriate small amout, and focus on just talking to my daughter without music while we’re driving.
-no coffee today. I need to crash hard tonight after my daughter’s late bedtime. I can’t afford to get too tired to leisure read, and then pick up my phone or lie awake for hours.
-not skip exercise
-cook and eat dinner in silence, focused entirely on chatting with my daughter. Even more undivided attention on her and our playtime before reading with her tonight.
-back to phone out of reach at bedtime. I let my vacationing wife text conversation ruin that for me last night, and I should have just left it after my first attempt to end the conversation with the I love you, goodnight xoxo.
Thank you for being here. Enjoy your sober day, you beautiful person.
This time alone the last two days has been very important and worthwhile. It was a good reminder that I’ve been operating my brain like a computer with 40 tabs open, constantly switching from tab to tab all day. Work email, personal email, LinkedIn, Nextdoor, checking bank balances, checking credit card transactions, skimming the work and social calendars, reading multiple text chains with plans coming up (with a 50% retention rate!), reading the grocery list, picking my next bike ride, putting a meditation on + listening to it, but thinking about other things the entire time, switching playlists and switching songs, etc, etc. i’ve been spending my entire every day, distractedly switching from task to task, and not stopping to be present with my thoughts. Not enough clear headed mindfulness. I need to be more aware of the signal-to-noise ratio of my daily routines.
These were valuable insights to bring back to front of mind.
If moderation worked for everyone, communities like this wouldn’t exist, but not everyone is wired the same, so they do, and ATM I’m super grateful they do.
I find that having the mindset of choosing myself and the people I love over choosing alcohol helps with my ability to make positive conscious choices.
