My Mom, best friend, closest person to me was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and Liver cancer. I’m 10 weeks sober. This is most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m also so grateful I got sober before this, she deserves real emotions. But wow this is heart wrenching.
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I’m so sorry to hear this news. I don’t have the words, but you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I walked through cancer with my Mother and she was my best friend as well. I know how heavy and heart breaking it can be. I wasn’t able to stay sober during that time, and it’s something I carry with me. You’re doing something really beautiful with your 10 weeks, there’s no better way to honor and be present with her. Keeping you all in my prayers. 
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I understand why that would be hard to stay sober during. I’m sorry you carry that with you. I keep wondering if this pain will ever lessen and we just started. Nobody should have to go through this. Some mornings the pain is so heavy I have my head in a bowl. Trying to soak up all this time that I can. I know we’ve never met but much love to you. My Mom said “Alcohol was just such a waste of time that I could have spent with everyone” and that really stuck with me. Also I know it increases cancer risk and I have kids so I’m praying that’s motivation to keep this sober streak going.
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Thank you 
there are these little glimpses of how the world is good during times like these that feel otherwise devastating and its comments like this. I really appreciate your prayers.
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Sending hugs. Congrats on 10weeks sober. What a blessing you can be present to support your mom. Lean on us if the burden becomes too much. People here have gotten thru similar situations and remained sober. Its possible. Seek support and you shall have it
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Oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear the news. Sending big hugs. I relate to these emotions and how difficult it is to process the reality. My mum had a similar diagnosis several years ago. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer with liver metastasis. She was so strong and resilient during her journey. I was her caregiver in the end stages. I’m here if you need to reach out. I’m so proud you’re sober. What a gift to her and yourself. You can be fully present. Sending love and positive thoughts
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I am so very sorry about your Mom. I am glad you are able to be there for her, sober and clear, that is truly a gift for you both. I know how hard it is to see our parents struggling, heart wrenching, as you said. 
Sending many hugs and care your way.
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I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
In 2022, the day before mother’s day (my mom’s birthday that year) I got a call from my mom, I assumed to asked how my daughter was doing at our competitive dog event held that same weekend. Much to my surprise she told me that they were med fighting her to Miami because they found a “lesion” in her brain. Later this would be diagnosed as glioblastoma, a VERY aggressive brain cancer. Doctors said to expect up to 18 months, with treatment.
At this point in my life, I was smack in the middle of my addiction, and saw no problem with it.
Later that year; myself, my daughter and (ex)boyfriend were in a horrible car accident that left me with 4 fractures to my spine (and a plethora of mental problems), my daughter was in the hospital for 2 weeks with internal bleeding and more. My daughter and I were both asleep when the accident happened, so obviously this only made me fall deeper into addiction, as I NEVER wanted to sleep (I used meth), because when I did I woke up TERRIFIED.
Anyways, long story short (ish). My mom died in Aug of 23, and I regret the fact that she didn’t see me sober again before she passed.
Last March, I almost lost my biodad, whom I have had a troubled relationship with my whole life. I didn’t think I could handle it sober, but I utilized my resources and hit every meeting I could, spewing until I cried (usually just 5 sentences in lol). It helped me, a lot.
Call your sponsor, if you have one, if not, go to every meeting you can. And just remember, using will not stop the pain that this has/will cause, it only delays it, and in my experience… makes it even harder to deal with, as you have even more regrets about how you didn’t deal it with properly from the start.
I hope this helps and wasn’t too much babbling for you.
Edit: my mom was my best friend, my rock… My counselor… I had no idea what I was going to do without her, most days I still don’t know how to do things without her. With that being said, she was also an enabler, and that played a huge role in my years of addiction. I was her only child but her husband was her caretaker. I will be honest, I cried A LOT during the time we learned of the cancer and her death, but somehow I didn’t cry when she died (I was staying with her and my step-dad, knowing it was only a few days away), and haven’t been able to cry (over anything) since… I keep getting told that “it’s okay to allow myself to fell/have feelings again” but going on 3 years later, I still don’t know how to turn it back on. And I suggest, that if you can avoid flipping that switch off, don’t do it. I didn’t realize that I was doing it until after I had done it, and right when I think I got it, pain comes back and boom, we blink it away and chin up… if anyone has suggestions on this, I’m all ears (eyes)
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I’m really grateful for your kind words. I understand that kind of pain more than I can fully put into words. I felt like I was dropped into a dark, empty void during that time. I still carry regrets, and recovery hasn’t been perfect, but I’ve learned to let those experiences push me toward staying sober instead of pulling me back.
Addiction really does drain the life and joy out of everything. And your mom is right, it keeps you from being present and truly feeling what’s happening. But in doing that, it also keeps you from healing.
I hold onto a deep hope that I’ll see my mom again someday. And I truly believe that when I do, none of my regrets or failures will matter to her,because her love for me is bigger than all of it. I know she would be proud of the life I’m building in recovery.
That kind of life is possible for you too. It’s a choice, and it’s so worth it. There are people who care and want to support you, even here. Let yourself lean on that. Let it out, talk about the pain, pray if that brings you peace.
Sending you and your family so much love. 
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This is absolutely heartbreaking! What do you need from us? How can we support you?
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Thank you for sharing something that is so clearly personal and vulnerable. I suggest you find a therapist that’s trained specifically in trauma and substance abuse. If you have one, find another one. 
It sounds to me like you’ve experienced so many deep emotions that you’ve subconsciously cut yourself off to protect yourself. This type of survival mode needs explored with a professional in a controlled environment.
It’ll be worth it.
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Hello, thank you for the response. It’s only been 15 days since I wrote that but feels like an eternity. Today’s a hard one. I’m hitting 3 months in a couple hours. There’s not doubt I’ll stay sober but I am having a hard time. She’s on pain killers, anti anxiety meds, and doesn’t feel good so I feel like I’m starting to lose her already and it’s giving me extreme anxiety today. I don’t want to be drunk but I don’t want to be hurting this bad right now either.
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Wow, thank you so much for this open, and venerable response. I would never want anyone else to go through this but I have to say to know I’m not alone in this pain feels good to know. I am happy to spend this time sober with her and at the moment I’m not worried about drinking (I’m so scared of cancer right now I’d be scared it would cause it for me.) But I am sad selfishly that they are putting her on painkillers, anti anxiety meds and all that. I am scared, feel like I’ll lose her already mentally. As far as the not feeling anything and turning off that switch, do you ever pull out photos of your Mom and listen to music? I feel like when I need to cry I’ve locked my door or go in the shower and lay down and do that and just cry or honestly scream into my pillow lately. It’s all so heavy.
Thank you so much. You guys are all so supportive, just laying here and reading the responses is helping me. I’m making it 3 months now in a couple hours. I don’t really have a fear of drinking right now because I’m so scared of cancer and knowing it doubles chances of it, but I have to say I feel like I’m so completely heartbroken that I don’t know how I’ll ever feel happy again,
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I think you will see your Mom again too. And what a beautiful thing that our mistakes and bad choices won’t matter because that love is so overpowering. I know I’ve already forgiven my Mom for everything right now. Love is really all that matters in the end and it doesn’t die. That’s comforting right now somehow.
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Beautifully said