I have only $140 dollars. I made that because we were busy but after cash out and tips to support staff $140 for the evening feels good. I’m happy and I feel accomplished. I have been apart of this same money system for years now and a lot of habits have formed as result. Although I discovered my drug of choice around the same time I started my career the use has been steady over the years with a huge increase within the past two. When it comes to money I have no problems obtaining it. I’m handsome, no felonies, hardworking, college educated… No my problem is when I get MONEY the urges start and the CRAVINGS kick in…out of nowhere they sneak out of their dark homes buried some where deep in my brain with an explicit intent on lasting only a short while. Yes the MONEY is what trigger’s me and when I get money…I abuse drugs. Forget my toiletries, forget my responsibilities or should I say avoid or disregard? These past few days have been sobering because I haven’t had any money. Its been 3 days, today being the third, sense I’ve last used and I feel like the longer I go without money being physically in my hand I can gain some physiological advantage over myself until I can get ahold of my sobriety. However, I need money…theirs no way around that. I also look for opportunities to meet and make new friends in the struggle. Knowing that their are people out their in the world that are struggling with addiction the way that I am makes me feel at peace and safe. For a long time I have felt unworthy of any real connection but today I’m ready to end this addiction and strengthen my spirit. I will not let DRUGS control my life. Money is necessary because we have an economy that it fueld by the transfer of funds for goods. Money,some say, is the “root of all evil” causing humans to turn on one another in cold blood. Money amongst the top ranks of addiction. Can I live without it? The answer is NO.