This isn’t my story and I have been promising to amend it for quite a while.
This is about Jon one of my sponsees, Jon has no problem reading but when it comes to put pen to paper he has issues, to use his own words “I couldn’t even write a bloody postcard”
At the time of writing Jon is still clean and sober and a Sponsor in his own right.
Four years ago I was close to death with acute Pancreatitis as a result of my drinking (1.5 L or 3.2 US Pts of spirits a day & beer, I’m 5’ 6" and 147 lbs) that’s when the Morphine nightmare started, although I didn’t know it then, it just stopped the pain in so many ways.
Not one to learn anything by my experience, after 3 weeks in hospital I went back on the booze as soon as I got home vowing to drink in moderation (oh yeah 
)!
2 months later I’m back in hospital - I didn’t notice the pain until it was too late, that’s what Morphines for pain 
- this time with what was diagnosed as Chronic Pancreatitis!
6 weeks later I’m back out in society after being told any more booze and I’d probably die as Pancreatitis can kill your shit 
Not convinced I started drinking again. I lasted 16 days until I collapsed and ended up in a induced coma 
which was 10 seconds for me but 7ish weeks for my family.
All in all 6 and a bit months and four operations later I left hospital.
That was the 20/05/19 (05/20/19), I’ve been Alcohol sober since, but was still on the Morphine to combat the on going pain and it got worse before it got better so the Morphine went up (see later).
Last year I was told that there was no real lasting damage to my dear old Pancreas just some scaring (we’re very attached) and my specialist said I could reduce my Morphine intake when I was ready to do so, but, not to rush it, as he let me in on a secret that I was physically addicted to it, bugger.
He went on to graphically described rapid Morphine withdrawal, as like the flu from hell with added attitude and sprinkles, stomach cramps and rattling like a pair of castanets, leaving you looking forward to the global apocalypse or death which either comes 1st.
So with the help of my Dr, we went to work - or I went to work, she gave invaluable support, encouragement and didn’t push - I worked out I could be Morphine free in 3 months didn’t happen that way though. 
I’ve never taken H, Meth or anything else, but, in my own way I can empathise on how hard it is to kick the habit, I almost went cold turkey in the 1st month and I can’t recommend it as a fun experience!
This time last year I was up to 180mg MST (Morphine Sulphate Tablet) Sustained Release twice a day, or 15mg an hour, (a helpful friend told me you don’t get that much if you’re dying ).
Today I’ve been Morphine free for the last 5 days.
It’s been a long journey but its been worth it every step of the way.
So, what helped?
TBH mostly the memes on this site and the cat photos, they made me laugh when I was sad and saw no light at the end of the tunnel, they gave me perspective when I had none!
I realised that I was not the only one with resentments, hate, self-doubt and depression and being OK with it (it shall come to pass not to fucking stay, in my recovery).
It is only resently I’ve started surfing the site properly and getting the most out of it and posting does help and so does reading your stories.
So where am I today:-
Sober:- 1,131 days.
Clean:- 5 days.
Mentally:- in my own space but you can visit
Bottom line if I can get clean and sober any fucker can, you just need to want it with all your being; if you don’t want it that bad it won’t work until you do.
(I know too many emoji’s but that’s my new shit).
