So here I am . I am new here and want to share my story. I have 2 previous DUI’s from alcohol. I recently did my 2 years probation and it was extended because I messed up and I was sent to Sober Court. I did good while in Sober Court. I then graduated and had only a few more months. So of course I stuck it out. The minute I was off probation I was convinced I could handle drinking and be a normal social drinker. Well from June 2016 til now I have had a few incidents but this last weekend was the icing on the cake. I went to a bar with my bf and he knows I’m an alcoholic… Me being in denial I tried to have a few beers. One led to another and to shots. The rest was a blur. Apparently I told him off and didn’t want to leave with him and was making out with some stranger I didn’t know. I honestly don’t remember anything after the shots. His while family was there… Including my daughter. I am so heartbroken and now my boyfriend can’t stand me near him ( we live together).I would have never done anything like that knowingly! But apparently I left with the other guy. I did wake up fully dressed.I really don’t think anything happened but still in his eyes I cheated. I am disgusted with myself. I never want to drink again. Something happens every time now. I now realize I’m an alcoholic. To top it off I’m taking Zoloft, depacote(a mood stabilizer) and trezadone. I’ve never drinker since I started depacote until this weekend. It was so scary. I know he thinks I’m losing but I’m not. I need help!!!
Hang in there.
You are going to have to show your boyfriend that you will get help and admitting you are an alcoholic is the first step. There is no drinking casually for alcoholics. 1 drink gets us drunk. It’s just the way we are wired especially if you are on mood stablizers. I take Trazadone and Prozac for sleep and Anxiety. I thought it was a great idea to go up to the bar with a friend who was here at a party at our home 16 days ago.
I was drunk and going to drive with a guy. Not like anything was going to happen. I just wanted to get hammered after telling myself I would only have 2 drinks. You have to own your actions. You can not get defensive and you have to give him as much time as he needs to get over what you did. I am now in AA and I love it. It’s not for everyone but it works for me.
Good luck to you.
Thanks. That’s what I’m doing. I have just given him space and my stomach has stayed in knots 
@Jaded80 I’m really sorry to hear your story, only because it mirrors my past, I was even on the same meds! I can’t tell you how many screwed up things I did to myself and others through the years that caused me so much shame and guilt I could hardly live with myself. But through the fellowship of AA, working the 12 steps, i have learned how to completely forgive myself! I make amends when I can and to those who may never forgive me, I pray for them and I make my amends by living a sober life and trying to be the best I can. It’s not perfection, just progress. Today I don’t have to take any meds, I don’t suffer from depression or paralyzing anxiety anymore and I can honestly say I have no more guilt or shame over my past. What I did was not WHO I am. Keep reaching out and get involved with people fighting the same fight, AA may not be for everyone but recovery to me is doing whatever it takes to stay sober and make positive change and AA teaches me that daily. The program saved and continues to sane my life daily. You are not alone! Stay strong, stay sober, stay connected🌹
Thanks so much. I only have a very few people that know other than the people who saw it all. I’m so scared to show my face in front of any of them…
I completely understand. Time will help that and you staying sober and working on yourself will help even more. Be patient with yourself and with your bf, no matter what happens, don’t drink! Try and concentrate on this moment and the blessing that has been given you. Sometimes when we fall flat on our ass, is when we finally surrender and get serious about our Recovery, and that’s when we become teachable.
You have to get clean for YOU not because of what someone thinks of you… You have to completely surrender because if you don’t it can’t work tare apart the first step read a paragraph and write STUDY it… I know that it works and my life can change when I look deep within me and feel complete defeat…
Thanks everyone. Have a good night.