I’m one of those folks who tend to (HEAVILY) drink for a while and then, after a few very exhausting days of recovery, stay sober for some time.
Lately I realized to what huge degree i’ve been destroying my life and health by that behavior.
So I went to a doctor , admitted my problem and had my first (and hopefully last) official detox this week.I gotta say I’ve done this on my own and without medical supervision plenty of times before. But I really want to break through this vicious circle for good so I took this measure.
So I’m on day 6 of sobriety (again) today. First days have been rough but i feel pretty good now , sleep is getting better, no more tremor, my mind and body feel fit.I’m loving it.
Now this is what i am afraid of:
Very soon I’ll feel like everything is fine again, that I’m functioning like a regular kinda person. I will have righted all my wrongs from my last drinking period and feel like nothing bad really happened and that everything is just okay the way it is. A drink won’t hurt.
I’m so scared of that moment when i turn off my brain,walk straight into the liquor store and knee deep into my next drinking spree. And thereby make this little success into just another chapter of failure and addiction.
I KNOW that someday soon everything would start all over again if i wouldn’t have gone to the doctor and have my next appointment already. We’ve already planned a treatment too. So there’s one reason to be hopeful.
But still. I don’t trust myself.
Does anybody know this specific pattern or is it just me?any tips how to fight it?
Also, i wanted to dare myself to write in here I’m not used to write in English or talk about my alcohol problems.I registered on monday when i decided to go to the doctor. Since then I’ve been reading regularly and this place and you people rock.
I to have the same problem…I drink heavily on weekends and thwn pause until the next weekend…I have tried and am still trying to stay sober on the weekends where sometimes i fail but i aint quiting…we are all sailing the same boat
We are in the same boat.6 days was the most I’ve done I’m on day 9 today and I know that there are days where that “you’re fine, you can drink now” will creep up on you.
This is something that might help, it helped me so far.Write about the last time you were embarrassingly drunk what you did and how you felt the next day, in detail.I don’t mean you have to write it on here, you can get a journal book and keep it for the days you think you can drink again.So you remember why you never want to.
That’s what is currently working for me.Good luck in your sobriety, stay strong.
@Zappo I can totally relate. I would binge drink heavily anywhere from 2 to 5 days morning to night, usually thru the weekend or depending if i had time off work. When i would stop drinking i would have severe depression, couldn’t sleep for a few days, and physically sick. Then after 4 or 5 days i would somehow forget about how bad i felt. And repeat! Last year i stopped for 10 months. Joining a gym helped me the most durring that time. I went straight to the gym after work and lifted weights. Within a few months it was becoming my addiction. However, i did fail and started drinking again thinking i had it under control. It ruined me all over again for the next 10 months. So, here i am. Have a gym membership and plan to start back there this week.
Anyway, you are not alone. I feel your pain and struggle. Hang in there and stay strong.
I recently joined a gym too! You’re right, it IS a good distraction. Gonna start working out again this week, couldn’t bring myself to go there after my last drinking phase…
@Zappo
Welcome! I drank like that for over 25 years. I was responsible during the week but when the weekend came I went 100mph into my drinking. With that came all the guilt, shame and black outs my drinking gave me. I eventually added opiates and started drinking during the week too. Eventually I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired and a friend led me to AA. I did everything that was suggested I do. …got a sponsor, started working the steps, (clearing away the wreckage of my past) and went to mtgs every chance I could. The people in those rooms saved my life. Detoxing was the easy part. …changing my THINKING was and still continues to be the hardest part of recovery for me. AA taught me about a power greater than myself, how to let go of my ego. I tried for years to do it on my own and would always fail. My best thinking got me to AA. Life is still life and my disease tries to keep me sick by telling me I’m “cured”. AA and forums like this remind me I’m one bad thought away from going back out and that recovery is a one day at a time deal. The gym idea is a huge part of my recovery as well, journaling, helping another alcoholic, prayer, mtgs, meditation. …whatever it takes, that’s what I do. My Sobriety has to come first above all else! Bless your journey!
What helped a great deal was the fact that I went to a different doc, not the one I usually see. That way I didn’t feel so ashamed and I could open up easier. This new doc is experienced in working with alcoholics too, so he knows how to handle me.
I can honestly only recommend it! I will continue seeing him, which I hope will keep me from start drinking again anytime soon.
Hi. I too have a history of binge drinking and sobriety. I too am starting “another cycle” and am on day one. I too also fall into the trap of doing better then for no good reason decide I will be able to drink again. So here I am looking for support this time - positive support.
Congrats Darby and good luck Karen! Hopefully day one of many yet to come!
Sometimes I feel like I subconsciously destroy my streak of sobriety just to be able to start all over again. Like I need the process of fixing myself.
Like Darby I’ll reach day 14 tonight, and usually that would be a perfect occasion for another relapse. Especially since I’ve finally been successfully working again this week /weekend and could fall into the mentioned trap of feeling too safe now.
But I feel like I’m gonna be strong this time. Got an appointment with my counselor on tuesday too, which helps to motivate me.
I used to convince myself as long as i waited til a certain time every day i was doing fine.
So it was ok for me to drink everyday.
The alcoholic and their powers of manipulation!
Almost like a super hero or more like super villain…with great power comes no responsibility!
Stay strong…stay sober!
I feel your pain,I do exactly the same thing I feel great then I’m always afraid of myself and my next failure,thank you for sharing.i do love this sight as well.
Congratulations on your sobriety. My husband and I are drinkers like this. We actually had 4 years of sobriety before my husband slipped and I shortly followed. Sometimes we go weeks or a couple months. But since relapsing almost a year ago we’ve been back to our pattern of drinking, fighting, apologizing, missing work, neglecting our health, then quitting and going through terrible withdrawal. The four years of sobriety was because of an eye opener when I had a seizure from acute withdrawal. Now we’re back to day 1! The shame and guilt is so overwhelming. We were able to wean for 2 days so our withdrawal wasn’t life threatening but we still went through tremors, anxiety, insomnia, that choking feeling. This is my first time using an ap for sobriety or writing about it. Nobody really knows about our problem except doctors and close family. I’m reaching out like this and going back to meetings will help. Good luck to you. It really is one day at a time.
Reading everyone else’s posts and re-reading my own, plus generally reflecting my adult life made me realize just what we put ourselves through. It’s such an incredibly exhausting and stressful way of life, no wonder I struggle with so many things . Our bodies and minds aren’t made to suffer through all these self-inflicted, endless physical and mental ups and downs all the time.
Chances are, a lot of things will get easier and better, once I don’t carry this burden along with me anymore.
This sounds so much like my story. I’m currently nursing my latest hangover and reliving the horrors of my last drinking episode. I know the day will come when I convince myself that I don’t have a problem with alcohol and I can be a normal drinker, the trouble is I am going to end up dead or in jail. At this moment I hate myself and I have no desire to drink… But I’ve been here before and I’m scared.
I’m not used to write in English or talk about my alcohol problems.I registered on monday when i decided to go to the doctor. Since then I’ve been reading regularly and this place and you people rock.
