I have 30 full days sober from alcohol. I’ve expressed to my husband that I’ve become addicted and have to stop for myself, my health, my sanity, and for us. He knows the withsewal symptoms I go through, he knows how heavily I drank. Nothing was hidden, because he joined me. Now, I’m sober and have no desire to go back. He has expressed that it’s one thing less we have in common. I’m not sure how to get through to him because he doesn’t seem to think itsy a problem. Even though he is doing his own 1 month “detox”, which we have periodically done once per year, I think he too is also addicted. He doesn’t think so. I need advice. I don’t want his thinking to cloud my judgement like it has in the past, believing that if I just “cut back” or don’t drink hard stuff, I’ll be ok. I know I won’t… eventually I always go back to “the hard stuff” and the excess. I’m tired if the cycle. I’m tired of the depression and anxiety, I’m tired of obsessing over what, how much, and when I’ll get to drink. Thanks for reading and for your support
Keep with your sobriety, it looks nice on you! Stay on your path and do what’s right for you. My situation is similar with my husband still drinking. He expressed also that drinking was “something we shared together” and he misses it. I’m not sure I miss the fights, slurred words, drunken state and hangovers. It’s definitely a positive that your husband is on another 30 day dry out. You can hope/pray that his eyes are open to the detriment alcohol brings to life. Maybe you two can find something else in common, perhaps something he’s wanted you to join him in? On another note, I rarely spoke much about my initial sobriety or at present much about what I was going through to my husband. Sometimes being quiet and staying the course on your own is better. This forum gave me support as well as books I read. The best to you and your sobriety!
I am heading out the door so cannot give your post the thoughtful reply it warrants. Hopefully others will. I do suggest searching on here for partner still drinks, husband drinks, etc …lots of good advice to be found.
My good friend is going through this with her partner. Her partner is losing her drinking buddy, and may not want to look at their own problem with drinking. It’s hard to not have that support from a loved one. You are only responsible for yourself. Keep working on your sobriety and be an example of it for him. As someone stated earlier search the threads for partners who still drink. Lots of good advice here. Hang in there.
My husband regularly questions me “What? Are you NEVER going to drink again?” like it is a bad thing. We are doing a trip to Scotland this summer and he is so excited to visit the distilleries. I’ve told him that he will be drinking all alone there as I and the kids (obviously) won’t drink, heck, we probably won’t enjoy those visits at all. He looked crushed like I was doing something TO him because I didn’t want to drink all the scotch with him.
But here’s the thing…that is HIS problem. HE needs to get over it. He doesn’t need a partner in drinking. Your husband doesn’t either.
Now, as to whether or not he should quit too is a whole other thing, and something you can’t decide for him. I suspect that this is where most of his dislike comes from…he KNOWS his drinking is getting out of hand, he just doesn’t want to admit it yet. You just keep doing you and when he sees how AWESOME you are doing he’ll likely want to experience all the amazingness too.
A marriage requires at least one “designated thinker”. Better if there’s two, but one is the minimum requirement. Sounds like you’ve taken on the responsibility.
Always remember rule #1 of blackouts: When the lights go out, the person with the flashlight is automatically in charge. Someone can dispute your authority, but they’d have better luck arguing against the authority of gravity. You shine the light. You light the way. You can see where you are walking. The one without the flashlight has a choice. They can follow you, or they can bumble around in the dark. You are wise enough to have recognized the need for a flashlight.
Hi I just signed up for this app yesterday and it was my first day not drinking last night. I’m so glad I didn’t because my dog had a massive horrific seizure. He’s 12 so I thought he was dying and I have thought it’s been a long time coming because of his health but he pulled through. I stayed up all night thinking I had to take him to the vet and if I was drinking I may not have been there for him.i called my husband and he promised not to drink and he ended up drinking so I waited for more than an hour for him to call me back. He was drunk and I was disappointed.
Last night was our first day together quitting but he was on the road working and he was gonna try not drinking with coworkers but he says it’s part of the job to keep climbing the ladder of success. He is everyone’s favorite to go on the road with and he has played that role for 15 years. This will be very tough for him but he says he’s gonna quit drinking but it’s never stuck. I think I’m gonna be alone in this struggle because he has too many reasons he should drink on the road.
It is your struggle, but you are not alone. Lot’s of beautiful souls here, all pulling for you.
Sobriety is a personal journey. You have your walk to walk, and he has his.
Doesn’t sound like he wants to. , if he is just feeling pressured to quit it very likely might not happen…
Hi I have wasted 10 years trying to stop drinking And my husband insisting that I socially drink with him and our friends, in that time I have managed off and on to give up for the longest a year and the least about a week 
I have lived aboard for most of this period so this app is going to be my support. Now my husband’s health has made him look at his drinking. So we are trying together but I am not looking to him to stop for me he has his own journey. I know it is an added pressure you could do without but at my best I just decided to ignore what he said and do it alone. Good luck hopefully your husband will realise addiction. is not something you want in common.
I don’t mind being the designated thinker or flashlighter person. It was a bit weird when he over imbibed and I drove us home after a celebration dinner for his work promotion. But, I’d rather be the DD than the opposite. Please don’t get me wrong, despite my sobriety just 5 months into our marriage, this isn’t my first rodeo (previously married) and I am very glad we are married. I would marry him all over again.
He is a very lucky man.
MrsTee was quite happy when I once again picked up my flashlight. The 11 months I was grieving (and drinking) after my mother’s passing was quite a burden for her. She didn’t complain nearly as much as she fairly could have, for which I am thankful, but part of me wishes she’d lit me up sooner. Maybe I would have gotten my stuff back in one sock a bit sooner.
Thank you so much for posting this. My partner the other day asked do I really think i can never drink again?! I told him that was the plan but I was just taking it one day at a time instead of looking at forever. He immediately huffed and said ya ok. It hurt a little to see how much faith he had in me but thats ok. I have faith in myself and hope he will see that life can be better sober. You are definitely not alone in your situation. Stay strong and enjoy your sobriety!
Now you both have a flashlight. It’s always a good thing too be able to see in the dark.
I was asked that question too and answered honestly with an I don’t know. It’s all good and I’m still sober.
Aww geez. This issue with the partners runs deeper than we think. For years drinking is who we were, it’s what we did. Now we don’t and it’s a major game changer for everyone involved. My hubby says the other day “We should plan a trip with so and so they would be so fun, and we’ll do it next year because you’ll be drinking.” This is because I committed to 365 days sober back in January. I didn’t reply. I just said to myself “Or will I???” I don’t want to think that far out. One day at a time. And I love how the non alcoholic thinks I’m going to be cured after 365 days. Hell he thinks I’m cured now at 103 days. But I didn’t say anything- this is my battle and my new normal will BECOME his new normal…
this decision is yours and it is for you. You said it’s for your health. You love yourself enough and have to think about you. continue with your decision. You have been very strong! 
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Thank you for sharing. It is a difficult situation but I think sobriety is contagious. We need patience and endurance. Sobriety is truth addiction is a lie and life leads us to discover that. It is a matter of time.
Count on my prayers for you and your husband