Hi Danielle, it made me smile reading what a wonderful day you had with your girls yesterday. Awww that’s awesome just being with them , not do worry about duties or cleaning or whatever. You created a marvelous day for you babies.
I’m sorry you’re in such pain with your periods. Hope you’re able to rest and feel better soon. Maybe you can have a cuddly snoozle lay in later with your girls.
Sending love and strength your way.
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Havent heard from you in a while…how are you doing? Hope the weekend has been smooth so far. 
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Miss you too Danielle!!! How are things going? Hope you’re ok. Reach out, we’re here for you 
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Hi all I’m sorry I was MIA the last few days I’m ok. I had an awful period but I couldn’t really rest or anything like that so I didn’t really want to post much.
The last few days have been ok overall. This past weekend I did something I haven’ done in a long time and that’s buy stuff for the house like bathroom sets and comforter sets. Before I started drinking I use to go almost every week or every other week to buy something for my home to keep it looking nice and we have been in this place for a year and I didn’t have a new bathroom set and so on so me and the kids went on Saturday and found some very cute stuff and yesterday I cleaned my bathroom top to bottom and it looks so nice with the new stuff in there I’m so happy.
Sunday my husband let me sleep until after 3pm which I needed but I was hoping to get up earlier because he said he would do something with us that day. We ended up going back to Chuck E. Cheese for an hour right before they closed and the kids had fun for the most part.
Other than that I’ve been doing my normal mom stuff and still on my cleaning spree.
One thing that’s been a bit annoying is no one else is helping me with keeping it cleaned but I just think I’ve accepted it’s all going to be on me so I do what I can in a day and leave it at that.
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Me and my husband are still having issues but it’s mostly with how he is with the kids. He was on the road for 5 months and barely home so me and the kids do things differently and they are growing everyday and he still tries to treat them like they are babies or he gets frustrated very quickly with them and will be ready to spank them when I don’t agree with spanking at all I do Time outs or send them to their room alone until they are done crying or something like that but he threatened to spank them and I don’t like that. Every time I try to correct him on what he is doing he gets mad and says he is their father and I need to stop but I’m like you were gone so you can’t come back and act like things are the same because they are not and he gets mad.
On Sunday when he let me sleep he waited until late to cook them breakfast and he gave them lots of junk food and let them eat it in their room, in the bed on my new sheets, and he let them bring their tots out of their room into our room when I made it a rule after I cleaned their room that their toys need to stay in their room or if they bring out a toy they have to take it back. So when I got up it was an absolute mess!!! Right next to me in the bed was pieces of a pancake and sausage dog and crumbs all over the bed, chips and candy all on the floor, in the kids room oh man it was crazy, chips on the floor and in their bed, cookies in their beds and on the floor, opened oranges in their bed, just an absolute mess. He acted like nothing was wrong and I also told him the kids don’t get snacks like this and they are not allowed to eat in their room let alone in their beds. He saw no problem. On top of that all these days all he does is lay in the bed on his phone out watching TV so when he is suppose to be watching the kids he will let them run crazy and I keep telling him he needs to actually watch them and he always says he does or he is but if he was then why are the kids running downstairs to me telling me daddy not watching them or her sleep. Yesterday my 2 year old got her tongue stuck in the coin slot for their piggy bank and it cut her tongue and she was screaming and bleeding. I was downstairs in the kitchen and my 4 year old was with me and I heard her scream and him call for her and she screamed again then he got up and was like “oh cookie let me see it” do I dropped everything and ran up stairs and he was walking down with her and telling me she needs ice and I saw the blood and I’m telling what happened and he told me. Then he tried to say this is why I don’t like them having stuff like that with sharp edges because they can get hurt. I told him they had this piggy bank over a year now with no issues the problem is he isn’t watching them when they are in their room he lets them just run around and I can’t do it all if he is here and can help. He got mad as usual saying I’m blaming him for this happening and then he just sat in their room even when they wasn’t in there anymore.
Ugh sorry for the long rant but I’m so sick and tired of him being lazy. I get that he works but I’m on my feet from the time I wake up until I go to bed so if he is here I need help and he is no help. He might as well go back on the road because I’m over it!!!
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Good to see you Danielle
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It really is a shame that he doesn’t realise what you’re doing to keep it all running. Hope you don’t mind me telling you don’t deserve being treated like that. Yeah he’s working and he brings the money in and he’s got the right to rest but so have you!!! And he has no right!!! nobody has the right to spank your kids! That’s terrible!
You’ve got all the right to rant about his behaviour. It is totally unfair on you and your kids.
It’s driving me mad although I only read about it I would be furious if I was in your shoes.
Anyway Danielle, I’m so proud of you. You’ve got a full-time job doing overtime day after day after day 24/7 and you don’t get paid for it. But still your there, doing it, being present and caring for your family.
Keep going my dear 
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So good to see you friend - grateful that you are maintaining your sobriety. Girl - i have no words — honestly, i would be furious with the lack of support.
I do hope your little one is ok - sounds like a painful experience.
You are a wonderful mom and I do believe you deserve so much better with love and support from your partner.
Love everything that Anne said!
sending you love my friend 
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Thank you so much @happyfeet and @JazzyS for all your support, understanding, and kind words.
It’s So hard parenting with him. Even when I was working I still had to do everything around the house and tend to the kids the only thing that made it somewhat better is we had a cleaning lady at the time who came twice a week. After we had our first born he worked nights and I worked days so she didn’t have to go to daycare. The issue back then was he would let her sleep all day with him so by the time I got off she was wide awake and I would only get a couple hours of sleep because she slept all day long so it was very very stressful. Also after our first wedding anniversary while our first born was about 9 months I found out he was cheating on me with two different girls one he worked with and another who lived in the apartment complex where we used to live. On top of that after I found out he continued to lie and see both girls up until a few days before my birthday in May. One of the girls who he was talking to for over 2 years he actually saw her on our one year anniversary while I was running around trying to get everything to have a romantic night. He even took our baby around her and let her hold our baby. He was also giving her money. There other girl was basically just for sex. The way he was able to do it for so long and get away with it was because he worked at night he would leave early saying he had to work overtime and go to work and clock in and then leave and at the time we lived in the same complex she literally live behind our apartment. He would come back and park in front of her apartment or somewhere else and do whatever with her and he was taking and loving her up from work just so much. Then the other girl he would leave work and go to her home and hook up with her. One time he got a flat tire when leaving the girl house and he called me so I got me and the baby up at like 6am to take him to get a new tire not knowing anything. I found out because I noticed at times when he came home instead of getting in the bed he would lay on the sofa and there was times when I wanted to have sex he would claim to be too tired but in reality he didn’t want to have sex with me the same day he had sex with the others. So i went into his computer and he left his Facebook signed in so I saw all the messages.
That broke me and I started drinking and I relapsed on pills just to numb the pain. I ended up asking his sister to keep my baby for a week and I checked into rehab because of I didn’t I wouldn’t be here today. We went to counseling for months and during that time is when I got pregnant with our second child.
I held on to that anger for so long and it always came out when I would drink too much. I finally forgave him this year because it was affecting our kids to see us argue all the time.
So yeah you would think after all of that he would be a better husband but nope. He changed long enough to get me pregnant and afterwards we stopped counseling and here we are now. I don’t regret our kids at all but part of me feels like they are the only thing keeping me with him because I know how it feels to grow up without a father and I want them to grow up with mom and dad together in the same home.
I know that’s a lot but I wanted to add a bit more context to things.
As far as I know he has not cheated since May 2020 and I’m not as blind and naïve as I was back then because I used to think he would never cheat on me that’s why I took it so hard back then.
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So sorry to hear that, this aounds so painful! But just remember that your kids prefer to see their mother happy alone than in an unhappy relationship.
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Oh Danielle
Your hubby does not show respect for you. From your posts, he has never taken care of the kids (he’s “watched” them but never engaged or made sure they didn’t get into anything and the part where he let your 1st born sleep all day even though both of you were working is BS. I’m so sorry if i’m overstepping here and please let me know if I am. I just think you and the girls deserve better.
I do not know how hard it is to grown up in a home without a parent but can imagine that its rough. I honestly don’t know what is worse - a home without a dad or a home where the dad is not present and the girls are seeing him act so nonchalantly towards their mother.
You are kicking ass in trying to get your life back on a healthy track. A strong woman showing up daily for yourself and your daughters - just want to say that this is amazing and you are doing a fantastic job.
Sorry for not checking in sooner - it’s been a hell of a week - I do hope you are doing well my friend.
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Hey @JazzyS I’m sorry I haven’t been checking in like I was before I’ve honestly been a bit depressed and in a little bit of a funk. I’ve been focused on being here for my kids and keep trying to keep them happy but honestly I’m getting a bit burned out I think. I’m not happy with the way things are right now and it’s really wearing me down mentally and emotionally. I’m getting to the point where I need space from my husband at this point. He keeps showing me everyday that like you said he is here but he is not here mentally and I don’t want him here like that and he has to figure this out for himself. When I ask him to watch the kids so I can cook or clean he will just let them run wild and I can hear them ask him something or call him and he doesn’t respond to them and they have to keep calling him over and over while he looks in his phone or at tv or is sleep and then they run to me saying “daddy not watching us”. I’m just mentally worn out right now. Then the only time he shows me any kind of interest is when he wants to have sex then he wants to try to touch me or whatever but when he done he goes right back to himself and it’s I’m tired of it. I’m tired of not being treated like I’m just here to be a mom or housewife or for sex and not being treated as a person. We don’t talk about our issues and when I try he always gets defensive or acts like im not giving him a chance to change or he would do more if we had more money or he is trying but he works and he be tired and like I’m just being so unreasonable or unrealistic. I’ve been in past relationships and even though it did not work out with them at least they made me feel wanted, desired, showed me attention and so on. I also see other fathers with their kids and it’s so different and it hurts me so much knowing my kids aren’t getting the love and attention from their dad like I see with other kids. They don’t even like playing with him because he does things that makes them cry thinking it’s funny. He is always so rough with them when he does try to play with them. He don’t take them outside or anything he will want them to just sit down and watch TV or their tablets which is unfair. So I’m going to talk to him today and let him know how I feel and that I need space. He can go to his sister house or something but he can’t be here right now……
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Tomorrow will be 30 days of sobriety. The road has been very hard to be honest. In the beginning it was good and I felt so much better and I was so happy. As the weeks went by I started feeling depressed. I know it has to do with my personal life and having to deal with it sober which is not easy. Also I haven’t really had the car since my husband been home so me and the kids have been stuck home almost every day and if we do ask to keep the car I never know when he is getting off so we will have to drop what we are doing to go pick up my husband and it just got to be very annoying. Yesterday and today I’ve had crazy cravings for a drink and I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. I will be ok I’m excited to see 30 days I just really need to make changes to make me happy.
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Sorry to hear this.
Your husband needs to be more engaged with your kids and housework, even after a long tough work day. There’s really no option to crash on the couch with TV or a phone after work with young kids. I don’t want to take sides as I don’t know your business well enough, but it sounds like your husband may be depressed, and needs to get out of a big funk himself ASAP.
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OH WOW girl - this is huge and i wish you luck with the conversation You do definitely deserve more from a partner and him working and being tired is not an excuse for not helping around or being compassionate. You are holding down the house and 2 kids. Good grief!
Will you have transportation when he is at his sisters? Have you guys discussed getting another care since the last conversation?
OMG – 30 days tomorrow! 
you are seriously kicking ass. You have been living life on life’s terms and showing it who’s boss. I am super proud of all your effort and do hope that things start changing for you at home so that you can start enjoying this sober journey. I wish you all the happiness my friend - much love to you
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Thank you for your kind words…… @PositiveThoughts he may be depressed I honestly don’t know because he never follows through on getting counseling. After he cheated on me he claimed he was depressed and was diagnosed with ADHD. Ok he was getting counseling and prescribed meds but he never really took the medicines and he stopped going to counseling which is crazy. He uses that when it benefits him and if that was the case he would follow through on getting the help he needs to make our relationship better. I’ve done my part now it’s on him.
@JazzyS if he goes to his sister no I won’t have a car but I will figure something out because I would rather Uber where I need to go than to have him here and continue to be unhappy. Yesterday I didn’t not feel good at all. My chest was hurting, I felt like my blood pressure was high, I was cramping for some reason, and I was just tired and not feeling good overall. I told my husband I did not feel good but I did not go into detail about what was wrong because it would not have made a difference. Anytime I’m sick he does nothing to help me so that I can get better so I was just like I’ll be ok. Anyway I didn’t do my normal cleaning yesterday but I did take my kids outside for a little bit and took them to get something to eat. I then played with them until past their bedtime while my husband laid in the bed the entire time. Both girls caught a cold so they ended up staying awake until like 2:30 am. My husband gets up around that time for work. Anyway I was still sitting up and he asked about me still being up and I told him the girls are sick they have a cold. He then proceeds to ask me if I ate and I told him not yet and he asked if I couldn’t sleep and I told him that I can sleep if I laid down. He then started to touch on me asking me if I need help getting to sleep (basically he wanted sex) and I moved away from him and told him that I was not in the mood and that I don’t feel good like I told him earlier and I didn’t feel at all. After that he proceeded to get ready for work and I could tell he was upset and he just left without saying anything else. Normally if I’m awake he will kiss the kids and give me a peck and then leave so I know he was mad I didn’t have sex with him. So that’s why I want him out because he is always too tired or not interested with interacting with his kids and the fact that he only pays me attention when he wants to get laid.
He is here now but when he got home I was busy fixing the kids their lunch. Now he and the kids are sleep so I’m trying to find the best time to talk to him.
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YES - i think this is wise to uber or whatever else for the sake of your emotional and mental stability.
I am sorry but the more i hear about him not wanting to engage with kids or you unless it involves sex is nauseating. I am sorry you were not feeling well yesterday. Hope you are doing better today. I know you have made this decision and will stick to having this conversation when you are able to do so. We are here for you love
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I’m so sorry you having such a hard time with your husband.
I’ve been in your shoes many moons ago when my kids were little ones. My hubby wasn’t supportive at all, he might have tried but he always came first. Played computer ( wich was the new stuff by that time 
) or went to his soccer trainings or games, or he was simply tired after work and got his rest. I was working full time in hospital with 2 young Kids and it was exhausting to be honest but I always tried my best. In my marriage I felt like a single mom with 3 kids as my hubby acted childish indeed. We talked and talked and talked about our issues but it never changed. So I decided to leave this marriage for the sake of the kids and my own mentally wellbeing as I felt so depressed and exhausted and my kids started to realise how worn out I felt with no energy left to do anything nice with them.
Anyway I’ve found a new home with my kids and it was hard work. But with support of family and friends we’ve made it. Even after separation their dad didn’t put much energy in raising the kids. He would watch them when I was at work and that was ok but he never planned anything nice or exciting stuff. He just fed them and watched them at least I guess he didn’t know better as his father had no interest in his kids and never tought his son how to raise kids.
Anyway long rant here, I’m sorry. The kids are grown up young men now. They are close with his father still and we’re over all doing well and I never ever doubted my decision to split. It was the right way to do so and it worked out well for all of us.
I don’t want to talk you in a separation at all Danielle, all I want to say is that you are a wonderful, powerful, loving and caring person. You are strong and you deserve better! Don’t allow your husband to soak up your energy and keeping you down.
I’m proud of you Danielle!
Keep on working the good work
Be proud of yourself
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