check you out Danielle!
love your achievement --keep showing up for yourself my friend - you are doing great!
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Thank you @JazzyS and @happyfeet for all the love and support and encouragement. Ugh I never got to have that conversation with him so it’s still more of the same. I haven’t talked to him much at all unless it’s about something basic. I’ve also kept the kids close to me and not around him much to give him the space he wants to sleep, but in his phone, and watch tv. Last night I had a headache because yesterday was just awful. My aunt is on my apple family plan and she likes to use tictok and she started buying coins and charged up over $300 to our account so between that, the kids, husband, and other life stuff my anxiety was high and I was just not in the mood for anything. I told my husband my head hurt and I took some Tylenol so as I was trying to sleep of course he wanted sex so despite my headache I had to oblige and I’m sure he could tell I was not in the mood I just laid there ugh. Sorry TMI but it’s true.
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Today we planned on going to this new jump place but the tickets was sold out so I’m going to look into what else we can do today just to get the kids out the house.
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i’m sorry love. i do hope it gets easier for you.
your aunt charging #300 is crazy - are you able to put a lock on the account to keep that from happening (not sure how it works). sucks to have extra shit piled on. just hold onto that feeling that you are rocking it with 30 days sober and are on this new healthy path 
I do hope you and the girls found something fun to do out of the house. It’s cold, rainy and miserable here - a gloomy Saturday. Hopefully, weather is better where you are at.
This weekend we went to Chuck E. Cheese again of course ave then we went to this new jump place called Funbox and my kids had such a blast and so did I. We were so hot and tired and you can see it written all over my 2 year olds face. She went to sleep when she got in the car 
.
My husband ended up coming with us to the different places and I was surprised he even wanted to come but after a rough start the girls and I enjoyed ourselves.
I told my husband if I was still drinking I would not have been able to get on that bounce house thingy at funbox and I would have been tired and pouring sweat we probably wouldn’t have went at all. *That right there made me proud that I never let me talk me into drinking. I refuse!!! (Sorry I had to edit my typo)
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Hey gorgeous…lovely to see you. Glad you and kids had a great time this weekend. Glad hubby joined in and it was a good time.
Love this!!! You should be proud.
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Happy to see you and your family (all of them even!) out and about Danielle. Thanks for sharing the fun and keep going!
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Look at your happy faces girls 
That’s amazing!!!
Glad you had such a lovely day and the girls were happy.
Be proud of yourself and keep on going!
@Daniellegurl i applaud you for continuing to stay sober and have fun, amidst this extremely tense and challenging time!!! you are a superwoman and i’m so proud of you. more importantly, im happy to hear that you’re proud of your own damn self!!! this situation with your husband sounds so toxic, but it’s good that you’re focusing mostly on what you can control - that being said i wanted to address the comment you made about him wanting sex “so of course i had to oblige” - sis no you do NOT have to have sex if you don’t want to, please don’t subject yourself to that. if you feel “no”, say “no”. and if he doesn’t respect THAT, then we have a real fuckin problem. okay!!! you are a real life Queen. and you know what, in our sobriety we are learning what that actually means! let’s keep showing up for ourselves and find out how precious we truly are 
love you
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Thank you so much @JazzyS @Mno and @happyfeet !!! You know something this is the first picture I took of myself and actually posted it somewhere in over a year. Because I was drinking so much I was not happy with how I looked and my weight gain because I used to be pretty thin. I gained over 100lbs with my last baby and it’s been over 2 years and I didn’t lose any weight in fact I gained more weight because of the drinking. Now I’m finally losing weight finally and I’m starting to feel much better about myself. I can fit different outfits that I couldn’t fit before like the shirt I have on in this picture.
I use to hate when people would point out the fact that I gained weight and would ask when I was going to lose it especially my dad. I’m not doing it for them I’m doing it for me and I’m happy about it.
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@Looking4Support honesty he probably has some type of sex addiction I’m not sure to be honest. In happier tones before we had kids we had sex almost everyday multiple times a day if possible. The problem I have always had with him is that he just isn’t that great in bed to be honest. He is a very selfish person in bed if you know what I mean. He is not good at oral and he doesn’t even attempt to do it so I just gave up on it over time, he is very quick to the point so no four play or anything like that majority of the time to actually get me in the mood, and it lasts a few minutes then it’s over. I’ve tried to get him to experiment and do different stuff but he is very closed off to doing anything different. He loves to watch porn by hisself and I have suggested watching it together but nope never does. I used to be very outgoing in bed but after being with him for so long I’ve just had to settle to the point I haven’t had an actual orgasam with him in years I just normally fake it to get it over with. So the fact that he actually cheated on me made it that much worse because of how outgoing I was in bed. Also with one of the girls he cheated with they had a whole emotional affair like a relationship that lasted a few years and the other girl it was just sex. When we got together he was very skinny, didn’t keep himself up, didn’t shave regularly, he had long dreadlocks but he never kept his hair done and so on. When I got him I helped bulk him up and changed his look and after that women started to notice him more and he enjoyed the attention he was getting and said he got caught up.
@JuliaLuna I do believe our relationship is very toxic to be honest. It doesn’t even feel like a real relationship anymore. We have so many issues and he never wants to talk about it so if I bring something up it always turns into an argument or he act like I’m wrong for how I feel or that I’m always blaming him or whatever. It’s like in his head he thinks he is doing everything right and as long as he works and bring home the money then that’s suppose to excuse everything else. If I tell him I’m not in the mood he will get upset without saying he is upset. I’m never really in the mood because it’s like a chore at this point like a transaction it’s no love in it. We don’t cuddle or anything unless he wants to have sex then he will do it while trying to have sex with me at the same time and when he is done (5 mins or less) he turns his back and go to sleep. It’s no romance or anything. We don’t go on dates or do anything fun or romantic together and I’m tired of it. In the past I would have been gone but we have kids and I just want them to have a two parent household. I’m also scared of being a single mom even though I’m already one smh.
i’m so sorry you’re going thru this. i also was devoted to the story that a two-parent household is ideal (which i believe is true when the relationship is healthy) - so i stayed with my son’s father until i hit a breaking point. other single mothers and children of single parents all tell me the same thing: it’s better to have one healthy parent than two parents in a toxic dynamic. i didn’t want my son to learn that a woman should be mistreated. and neither should your girls learn that this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman. that being said, only you know in your heart what’s best for your family and i trust you on that! just hate that it seems you have to tolerate so much disrespect.
but look - despite all of this, you’ve maintained sobriety! and that is absolutely remarkable. you’re doing amazing, & this process is unfolding exactly how it is meant to. you don’t need all the answers now. just keep taking it one day at a time 
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Hey Danielle,
I also just joined today and am in the same boat. I’ve also gained weight and cannot fit in any of my clothes and am highly addicted to alcohol and miserable. I’m a single mom and miserable where and what I’ve become.
I pray we both find a way to recovery because this sucks. Keep your head up girl
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@JuliaLuna i think I have to hit my breaking point and when that happens then there will be nothing he can say or do to keep me here. When he cheated on me I was ready to leave him especially after the fact when I decided to try to work things out with him and I found out that he was still talking to the girls and even saw them again after the fact. When I said that I was going to leave him he put on this huge show with crying and acting like he was having a panic attack and saying he was going to kill himself if he lost me and his family. It was to the point where he was gaslighting me so much to where I felt so bad for him that I ended up staying with him even though every part of me wanted to leave and I was so disgusted with him but I stayed anyway. We went to couples counseling and he started one on one counseling and taking meds and during that time I got pregnant with our second daughter and I knew I was really stuck at that point. He stopped everything including couples counseling and his one on one counseling sessions and his meds. He then went back to his same old self except he has not cheated on me again but I don’t put anything past him at this point. After I had our second baby a few months later is when I started drinking and it just progressively got out of hand.
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@Looking4Support with my ex husband when he was cheating on me I started cheating on him. I would have done the same thing but I have kids now and I just put all my focus into them and drinking to cope. Now that I’m sober I can really see how unhappy I am and I know I’m going to hit my breaking point very soon if something don’t change.
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@FoxWoman28 welcome to the group!!! You can get sober it’s not easy but it’s possible. Everyday will be a struggle but you just have to take it minute by minute. This group has really helped me and being able to create this thread and just post about my day to day life and struggles has really helped me make it past the 30 day mark.
The weight gain was the worse and still is to be honest. I went from about 140ish to over 200lbs. Some of it was baby weight but when you add drinking to baby weight it just went from there. I’m so happy that I’m losing the weight finally and I know you will be as well. Please keep me posted on your progress because you are going to rock recovery just stick to it and you got this.
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@Looking4Support no I don’t know how to make one but I do want to start some counseling sessions very soon and I am looking for a job so I can be able to support us. I have an idea it’s just being able to put it all into place and see it through. I also have to make sure I’m strong enough to follow through in my decision and not let him manipulate and gaslight me like he did before. I want to make sure I have everything set up before I do anything and that includes a home, job, car, and anything rose I need to make a smooth transition.
I’m American I’m in Florida. I have insurance so I know I can get counseling with no issues. I just have to take the time to find someone who I like and who is in my network.
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