You absolutely deserve to be happy worry about you and no one else stay strong 1 day at a time
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Welcome and yes you do deserve help!
Unfortunately this disease makes us think we arenāt worth it but the people here will disagree, you need to get honest first. It will hurt at first but you need to be open about how much you drink and what you have done in addiction.
A doctor is a great start as they can help you to begin with and ask for a health check, blood tests etc to check whatās actually happening to your body, most people living sober have some sort of help from other addicts, whether it be Smart, AA, or various others, look up what is near to you and take a step in the right direction. It will be uncomfortable and nerve wracking but everyone feels the same way in the beginning but it is a lot easier that doing it alone.
Good luck 
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First thing you do is what you have done. Admit you are powerless over substances. Second thing you do is let the thoughts rest! There is a power greater than you that can restore your sanity. Let that power take over. Say this prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. 3rd thing you do is surrender control of your thoughts and life over to your higher power. My higher power is God. Go to an aa meeting. It will change your life. You will be amazed before you know it. You will gain the respect of friends and love ones. They love you. They care. You can do this. I will be praying for you.
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Yeah, im thinking about doing service too.
Its so easy not to go, i need some responsibilities that i must goā¦
When things getting better , my old habbits and patterns still thinks i can do it by myself.
Its that addiction voice that wants to keep me isolatedā¦
I hope your wrist getting better !
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You are opening up here, you can do that to youāre doctor too. You need to do so, otherwise she canāt help you properly. Itās your addiction talking you out of it. Addictions florish in secrets.
I lied a lot in my drinking period. Did everything to hide my problem to others. The moment I decided to open up was the moment my recovery started. You opened up here! You did one importend step in your recovery. One of many to follow! You are worth it!
Iām more then 20 years addicted to alcohol, sober for more then 1 year now thanks to this app and his community.
So stick around, it helps!! 
Ps, and make another appointment to your doctor and open up, she will love to help you!!
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Iād say try NA.
I was kinda the same as you in the end but 20 years up my sleeve.
NA + a clinical treatment saved my life.
Godspeed! You deserve everything you work for 
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I woke up different today, it was one of those sleepless nights. I have arranged an appointment with a holistic doctor which is famous with his success that I have been postponing for several years. He is also good at cronical illnes. All has been actually got worse when i am diagnosed with hashimato which is poorly threated due to my ignorance. Anyway this appointment is a huge step as all my diet will be programmed by him for both of my cronical illnesses, he is strict. I am not ready yet to see my therapist it seems I am going to start via an email. I keep my self healing routines, learning french, dance classes every monday, painting, writing my journal, meditation and online emdr therapy. My work schedule is heavy already but on the other hand I am working on a project to my startup company. I am obliged to say no for some of them to get more sleep, pushing myself in all terms is not necesarry any more. I am starting Russelsā free course today.
I read all the messages again and again.
Thanks for being there , all your support made me feel even I fail again this community will be still keeping my hand and I wonāt get hurt as before. I am safe and strong with you. I see you.
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For āwhoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.ā Romans 10:13 
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Today is day 1 for meā¦ again. 3rd relapse. The guilt & shame is eating me alive.
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Thatās 3x wiser, 3x the person who never tried to quit in the first place. Never feel guilty for trying, NEVER, your giving it another attempt I guess so nothings changed really, your still doing what you set out to do at the beginning. Itās not over for you by a long shot. The only way to fall is forward bc thatās the way we are pushing you. 
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@Natnat - I am so glad that the world wasnāt robbed of you by drugs. The support/advice and encouragement you give on here is always so valuable and I hope you have support by others to keep you strong during the tough days.
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For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever BELIEVE in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ~John 3:16~ 
Because you previously mentioned itā¦ You gotta have FAITH in order for that process to workā¦ Not just in who you are asking but in YOUā¦ You can do thisā¦
Guilt holds no place in healingā¦ Thatās like working against yourselfā¦ At least is was for meā¦ Understanding that I have a serious problem that was gonna take me out of this world if I didnāt do something about it and giving myself time to heal made a big differenceā¦ This week has been a nightmare since Monday but by not giving into it I was able to get past Monday and Tuesday with the help and support of this app therefore Thursday and today Iām dealing with it with a way better outlook 651 days strongā¦ Hard times donāt last if you continue to make progressā¦ Weāre here for youā¦ Another wise man once said āWe aināt meant to survive, cause itās a setupā¦ And even though youāre fed upā¦ Ya got to keep your head upāā¦
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I see you , trust your decision, not your feelings for a while. As a serial relapser i learned it from the hard way. Bear with me , we will do it. 
I am relapsed after 3 days, 2 days ago before I go to doctor I drank whole night to stay awake as I had to work in the middle of night and had to see my doctor in the morning and get the housecleaner in and get back to work again. I did it, I worked I did what I am expected. I get the housecleaner in to let her clean my shit, she got frustrated I asked her to come in and do it every 2 weeks. I told her that I am not capable anymore, I told her that I have problems and I need somebody around to do some stuff that I can not. I told her that I am very vulnerable when I get in touch with people. I told her that I want to trust her at this point and i can barely ask a real help. And Today i sent her a message saying I want to support her while her children growing and offered a scholarship . If I summarize asking help is a very difficult for me, so everytime when I ask I have a tendency to explain but it is a success no matter what and no matter what she brings back. It is clear that I did a good job I asked what I need and with offering help to her I accepted myself that I can be there for her and she can trust me that I am willing to be a good person, and give me a chance to do it. And Then I went to doctor he gave me 5 sheets of diets, supplements. It is scary, I went out out and said he is crazy. After a day accept that he knows what he is doing, again another point I refused at the beginning but he is right as I am in my job. He is almost 90 years. But I again my questioning mind did not stop I went to another doctor they gave me a remedies to sleep as I can not do it without taking alcohol, it was an emergency service. I did not tell them . Yesterday I called my therapist but her assistant was not available which is a friend of mine and seeking g support at that time in an hospital for his brotherās urgency. I had to step back. Anyway the story is long, with the last relapse I stopped the biggest war ongoing in me in real terms. I told people around me that I am exhausted, tired and needing some special attention, I can give very limited in these days.
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Taking care of others, not having boundaries, giving my power on my life to external for so long drive me to bad coping skills, behaviours, addictions. Even I am relapsed , even i am in tears while i am writing these sentences I am doing good , I am helping myself. And to you all who started watching, supporting me in this journey you keep me walking, you keep me alive. I love you all. Be well, do what you need. We all are not in the books which are written already. We are writing our own story. Bear with me. We are supported by God, by people, by trees, by flowers, even by mices 
. Stay strong by friends
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I had to do the same thing on thatā¦
After working in healthcare management for more than 20 years I had a thought when remembering how we used to look at a problemā¦ We then would dig deeper to find the cause by doing root cause analysisā¦ If you donāt get to the root (the beginning) of any issue you then are only masking the issue which is likely to reoccurā¦ But if you can work on whatās causing it in the first place, youāll be onto something hugeā¦ Great job in facing that!!! 
Because it is the same in the beginning as it is written in the endā¦ If we donāt learn from and work through our issues they will defeat usā¦
Allow yourself this help that you needā¦ You sound like somebody who is working extremely hard when you are chronically ill yourselfā¦ Not trying to be too nosy here, just trying to understandā¦ If you donāt mind me asking whatās the special diet and supplements for that you got overwhelmed with when you walked out? Believe it or not my primary function in those meetings I was talking about was in nutritionā¦ 
I just wanted you to know that Iām here for you on that as well if you canāt get a hold of anybodyā¦ Letās work on that so you have the strength to beat the otherā¦
As one we may seem powerless and drained but together untied as one we can pack a great punchā¦ 
I donāt want to die like that eitherā¦ We gotta refuseā¦
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I will translate and send it to you whenever i have time. Thanks fır being there.
After 2 years I am back to the journey again, so much happened but i couldnt solve the addiction problem. Even though it get worse as it impacts my life more. So again 1st day, at the age of 39 I quit my job again because of an anger explosion for nothing just had the alcohol. I am worried about my life, as I am desperate that I can not find a new job and get really help me.god help me, hear me, it is enough. Let me feel loved and secure, and remove the anger and shame from my life with my addictions. Let me have an hope about myself, let me be proud of myself. Let us all who have this illness to be recovered and find joy again.
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So glad you made it back here ā¦ Maybe try some online meetings, get connected,. Wish you well 
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Thank you Hazy, feeling better 
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