235.6
Been thinking about drinking past week or so. Just fleeting thoughts- I know I don’t want it back in my life. Just wish it would stop creeping on.
Signed up for 3 gym classes this week- hopefully that will burn off some of the bad thoughts.
Throwing step sons birthday with some family. Nothing big… but I just want to be alone… I’m really starting to think I don’t like entertaining… maybe that’s why I always got drunk… made it “easier” to small talk…
5 Likes
Hey,
I can relate
Maybe it’s time to accept you are powerless over alcohol and it’s unmanageable in your life.
Giving up alcohol foreve may seem frightening but it’s a better life for myself personally, you will meet people who want to do the same things you do, don’t always follow the croud or neighbor, maybe have some time to yourself to try find out the real you and understand what is hurting you or causing you to drink, share your feelings and try let go and move on. I nearly lost my family due to addiction and it’s not worth loosing everything over.
I went to rehab for 14 days and it was the best thing I ever done to help me mentally and physically recover. Don’t be scared to ask for help it may save your life and family.
Dale 
@Beachy I hear you on entertaining. I like to have people over, but I’m ready for them to leave in one hour and that doesn’t happen. Especially with step grandkids. 7 and 2 years old.
I also have a single friend that stays way past everyone else. My spouse is not a very good host so it falls more on me. I shouldn’t complain cuz it’s my own fault I don’t have better friends.
23(something)
Woke up at 5 and caught a 6am gym class. Been telling myself to do that for years… finally did it 
Now I just have to do it again. Shooting for M/W with home workouts the other days.
4 Likes
Thank you Dale!
Yeah I need to find new social groups. Seems harder to do as an adult between work, dinner, and other obligations…
I’ll get there!
1 Like
Same here! My spouse wants them to come over- but I’m stuck with all the food figuring out and entertaining…
Or like yesterday on the boat- go out for lunch and then everyone wants to go to another place for drinks. I just really wanted to go home and get crap done for the week. Ugh. Frustrating.
Completed 8 months! Read some articles on other people’s journeys on their 8 months. I’m not a good writer but these are all things I’ve reflected on the last 8 months as well.
Some changes take time, they are small and grow into big things.
Like waking up sober on a Saturday morning to take my stepson to an adventure park on his last weekend with us. Get to do it with energy, happiness and a clear head!
These all resonated: 8 Things I've Learned in 8 Months Sober — sober up buttercup
https://livingsober.org.nz/some-benefits-take-a-long-time-to-emerge/
5 Likes
Massive congratulations on 8 months.
1 Like
266.3 - been contemplating drinking last few weeks- maybe it’s summer nostalgia- sitting in a warm pool socializing doesn’t seem as much fun without booze. Neither does Boating to restaurants all day drinking- so have pulled away from those activities.
Instead over the past few weeks I refinished some furniture that was way over due. Creating that beachy wood look isn’t that hard!
7 Likes
I know what you mean (although more in beer gardens, cos I live in England and outdoor pools aren’t as much of a thing!). Although I suppose I think of it slightly differently. I needed booze to make those situations fun. If it’s not fun sober, then it’s not fun. There are plenty of things that are!
Good call on prioritising things you actually want to do 
1 Like
Isn’t it funny how God works?
First of all…you are not alone!!
Second of all…I am 14 days sober off booze and oh boy…I have started to struggle big time!! Not wanting a drink…I want to stop forever…but rather serious depression, hopeless thoughts, endless worry
trouble sleeping and eating. Knots in my stomach, lack of focus, tired, snappy at loved ones. Rationalizing wasn’t working so my doctor has prescribed valium and sleeping tablets. I took one valium a few hours ago and now feel relatively “sane”.
So I can only deduce my brain is the thing at play here. I know it takes roughly two weeks for the body to begin healing after sobriety, but can take months to years for brain to heal. Looking back on my life I almost certainly suffered from depression and anxiety from early adulthood (before I could get my hands on anything to self medicate).
So…now that I know my brain chemistry is off and that I want to stay sober…valium and the like can only be temporary. Therefore, I am going to talk to my doctor about getting back on zoloft as a long term tool if it means I can be sober and not going mental as my brain chemistry is out of balance. I had to take a mental health day today off work…which I don’t like to do b/c of stigma and it will mean others have to pick up my slack.
I divorced a few years back which was probably the hardest thing in my life to get through. Luckily I have two awesome kids who love me and a partner with two kids and we’re moving into a new home together in Dec. I don’t want to lose my family again on account of drugs/alcohol or mental health condition. Fundamentally I know I’m a good person in my heart…and you are too.
Be kind to yourself. Know you aren’t alone. Don’t be scared to ask for help. You got this!!
Yes I know the feeling with drink, I binge drink, I’m on day 3 once again, but this community really does help, I read each day to get me through 
2 Likes
Good point! Maybe the booze is how I got through those times… and they aren’t actually really that fun 
1 Like
Oh wow- great work @Aussie_Tiger on your first two weeks. Those really are the hardest. Stay busy- stay focused! We got this!
271- ton a day or so to catch up on rest after 4 days of this shifts- that’s gonna take getting used to. Shopping and meal prep tomorrow. Bought a fitbit and down loaded a meal tracker- I want to be healthier with cooking and curious how much I’m walking at work now. Been to long I just ate whatever- maybe in compensation to not drinking. Or just over indulging in general. That has to stop.
Have a great day
- I guess that’s about 9.5 months. Life has been busy… hate my new job hours. Feeling stressed. But I caught the Cheshire cat moon this morning and did a workout- going to let it all go and have a great Sunday!
2 Likes
- Dunno what I’ve been doing lately. Feels like just about everything. Randomly got side swiped by a little hurricane Monday. Husbands been out of town- I’ve been flip flopping this day- night shift schedule (I hate it) so looking for another job. And cooking meal prep since the job was supposed to be 10 hr days but are more like 12-13 and its an hour commute. So my day is shot. Currently prepping for tonight. Did I say I hate it?
Had a second round interview yesterday- not sure who I’m competing with but lord I hope I make it into that company for that job or one similar. Not sure they really want someone from outside - seems more like an internal promo job, but 
I thought managing teams would be enough to keep me satisfied- but I want a job with more purpose. This one might be more my lane. Stressed on the new budget shake out this month- husband still can’t find a job. He’s trying to get into a new field and it’s hard to get through the postings to get a call. So he’s stressed.
Him being out of town would’ve been a huge trigger for me to binge- but I decluttered a few rooms- and some other projects when not trying to catch up on sleep. Been chipping away at painting/ sealing the deck. Taking forever. And Hot! Wish we’d done this in the winter 
All in all- even with all the stress- I haven’t thought of drinking. So that’s good. Been focusing on workout plan (not 100 accomplishment in that yet) and tracking my calories for a few weeks now. Cut out my candy snacks, made some oat/chocolate bars to keep me off the snacks at work. And so far lost 7 pounds! I look a lot less swollen even though it’s only a few pounds. Maybe cutting out the crap is helping also. Finally feel confident enough in my not drinking to tackle eating better. It took a long time but I’m glad I’m finally here.
I was thinking of mantras the other day.
My Troubled teens- twisted twenties- thirsty thirties- maybe I can be fit forties 
3 Likes
I was mulling this morning… Today is 11 months of change.
That’s a big deal.
I had many years of thinking I might have an issue and trying to control myself or quit for a week- maybe two if I was lucky… I’m glad it’s finally sticking and I can actually see the changes. I actually missed so much when I thought I was living life to the fullest in party mode. I think I’m starting to get closer to that vision of myself I’ve had for so long, but was never able to maintain.
Here are some changes I’ve observed:
I have enough energy to wake up and do make up, when those extra start of the day minutes used to be such a drag.
I’m more calm and level headed in chaotic or stressful situations, when it used to be overwhelming and I would hide in a booze coma.
My memory actually seems to remember things better! Random facts, new job info and new names come easier when I need them.
Working out is becoming more regular, when it always felt impossible to find the energy before.
Things that would send me into a tailspin before, don’t seem as eventful or derailing. I can keep working on my goal without letting it fall apart.
I’m not crying as much and haven’t had an anxiety attack in months.
I’ve actually stuck with my meal tracking/ calorie counting/ and working out for almost 2 straight months now; when I used to get derailed after a particularly indulgent period or would fudge my numbers. So I’m actually starting to lose some of that bloat and have more room in my pants!
I really have no desire to go “party” and when I’m around drunk people they get annoying. I don’t like the smell of liquor breath.
I have wayyyyy less migraines and am not losing days to paralyzing headaches.
I’m also not wasting days praying to the porcelain god with a debilitating hangover when everyone else felt fine (or at least functional- they day after). I now know part of that is that I’m allergic to a compound in alcohol; but everyone always thought I just had a worse hangover because I drank more- maybe I did that too; who knows what I did when i was tipsy trying to ride the buzz wave.
My skin is starting to look better in photos, I’m not sure if its the new creams I’m trying with that little bit of money I have because I didn’t buy booze (app says I’ve saved at least $2380 so far). Or if it’s not poisoning myself. But either way I’m down with less wrinkles.
I’m frustrated that more establishments don’t have more non-soda NA drink options.
6 Likes
That’s a great post and so many of your observations resonated with me. Sobriety has been awesome for me over the last seven months. Major changes and all for the better. So much easier to deal with life on life’s terms.
1 Like
One year!
I made it! I didn’t think this was a goal when I decided to make a change last year. I just knew that the relationship between alcohol and I was not working.
I’ve quit before- a week or two here and there- made it a month or 6 weeks once before. Long enough to think that my relationship changed. Although I was always wrong.
My “drinking demon damon” always snuck his way back to center stage- no matter how many times I tried to control him. Taking all my time, taking all my fun, making me tired, anxious, depressed, stressed out, fueling fights with my spouse… the booze never really helped take the stress away. I know that now. It never fixed a bad day. Although I certainly loved the numb. “Damon” just made things worse.
This year has had some monumental events and I got through sober with a clear head. I had some real hard times and some great memories. I have a lot of work to do still, but I feel more secure in me and am finally getting close to who I’m supposed to be.
15 Likes