Hello everyone.
I’m new to the discussion board but not so much to this app. I have tried quite a few times in the past few months to get on the sober train. I even stayed on for the ride a few weeks at a time. Every time I attempted to stay sober I always thought about the end goal; go sober for a while, give yourself a break and then you can try being an occasional drinker again.
It would work for about one weekend. Then right back to a pint of liquor a night every night to “relax”.
The start of this year I took matters into my own hands when my doctor told me that after changing my career to seasonal and being more of a professional housewife and the crippling anxiety I suffer from I had gained 30lbs in a year. 30lbs is a lot when you go to the gym for two hours a day five days a week and eat a rather healthy food diet.
I was prescribed Celex (I was on Lexapro and it was making my anxiety worse. Could have been the alcohol along with it too though, good job dumb dumb me). I read up on the side effects of drinking while on an SSRI and it’s really not recommended. So I thought, I’ll start my new meds on Monday 2/3 and I’ll have a fun weekend to send myself off.
Not on any medication just yet I only had a tall boy can of IPA and a half pi of Sailor Jerry’s. Much less than I would normally drink. I played around with my makeup, I’m a makeup artist, hung out with my hubby and went to bed. Around 3:30am I woke up from a horrible nightmare with my heart pounding out of my chest. I went to the living room and proceeded to have a grand maul panic attack from 4am to 8:30am. I prayed to all the Gods and Goddesses. I asked them to please make it stop and I would stop. I would stop drinking and I would make it right.
Then I realized, maybe it was a great power, maybe it was a greater power inside myself but… I realized then and there, I was the one who could stop it. I was the one who could make the panic attacks go away. I could make it so I sleep through the night without night terrors. I was the one that could save myself before I destroyed myself.
So, on 2/2/2020 I woke up after a horrible night sleep and very little energy but full of hope and drive.
Every night I say a little prayer to the mother Mary and the godesses that watch over us all and I thank them for the strength they have given me to stay strong and pray they help bless me with even more strength in the morning.
I grew up with two parents that were full blown addicts and alcoholics but they were the life of the party with the picture perfect lives from the outside world. I have a wonder life despite my upbringing and I won’t let my son and husband relive my demons through me.
I am 4 days strong and still weak, but growing stronger every day.
Welcome to this board and welcome to your sobriety Kelsey. Indeed it is you that can make this work and it is you that has to do the work. But being here, sharing, communicating, supporting and being supported can make a huge difference in the chances of succeeding in your efforts to stay sober. It’s strength in numbers and strength in knowing we don’t have to do it all alone. Alone this is too much. I know it is for me. Together we can do this. By being accountable;le and finding strength in each others successes and struggles. Happy to see you here. Success!!!
Congratulations on your decision to live a healthier life. You can do it, I know you can!
Welcome! Hang in there. Day by day. Get thru each one as it comes and it will get easier. Read here A LOT. That’s all I did all day for the first couple weeks and it’s helped me so much more than I could’ve ever imagined.
Since I’ve been sober I really got into makeup. It’s so fun! And passes the time well. Find everything you love to do and keep busy. My job is seasonal too so I know what it’s like when you’re stuck at home all day. Last year I gained a good(not good) 20lbs during my time off and since I quit drinking I’ve lost 10lbs in 3 months.
Change will happen and it’s all good. Hope to hear more from you. All the best to you in your journey 
Fair play to you. You have come thru’ some serious s**t.
Congratulations on day 4. You can do this! X