I thought about it for at least a week.
I have always been about helping/saving souls(that is a good chunk to why I am so broken/drank, it brakes my heart when I give it my all/fail to help/save someone).
He wanted his friend to move in with us when we move into the sticks.
His friend messes with almost all the drugs I know are out there, maybe even more.
My man wanted to get him away from all the “stores” so it would be more of a chance to get him fully clean.
I know his friend has at least one std, most likely more, I have 3 daughters/myself to think about, home is where you are not scared you or your love one’s are going to catch something.
My man didn’t even ask me if it was okay for this man to move in with us, he just told me, I told him last night that his friend can’t move in.
My daughter’s are more important to me then saving another soul.
My daughter’s will not pay for his sins, meaning they are not going to catch something because this man liked sleeping with every chick at the “stores”.
P.S I am not being judgment/trying to make it sound like I think everyone who has done a drug has an std, I just tried helping a few chicks he has been with back in the day, I know they have a few stds, and keep passing them around.
You and your daughters come first wish you well
What your children will experience when someone is recovering could be a bad exposure. They are so naive and need to be protected. I agree with YOU and your decision to protect them!!!
Yeahhh i dont know if id go that far to save someone in a home with children. They have sober houses for this. If he really wants the help. You have to be ready and commited when getting sober. Just removing someone from the enviroment doesnt change the person it just changes the place they are. Ive done alot of drugs myself and wouldnt not trust someone that much early in sobriety. Everyday i have to build that trust leash with my parents day to day. I relapsed so much i can totally understand it and im patient… sobriety is way more complicated then just changing locations… hopefully your man can understand that…
He is a very controlling man.
That is one of the things I am trying to brake free from(I haven’t decided if I want to leave him fully or work stuff out with him, I am hoping getting sober can show me more of his colors so I can know for 100% the choose I make is what I really need/want, I just do not want to mess my life up anymore than I already have).
I know he may wanna help a friend. I have a close knit of friends and we all pretty much commited to getting clean. We all did this on our own 3 out of 4 of us made it. Although id say they traded addictions to drinking alcohol over doing dope. Its whatever i dont judge. i control my own sobriety. Also teaches that some addicts will just trade doc and consider that “sober” and in reality you just traded problems. You being sober will definately give you a clear mind of the situation. I hope for the best!
Also, last night we got into another fight(not counting the friend helping pee off).
We where listening to music/I was trying to get him to dance with me a bit/we where talking, I was like, I can’t believe you have been clean from White Lady for 4 years now, I am so proud of you. He looks me straight in the eyes and says what makes you think I have been? I was like what, have you, tell me?
He walked out the door and didn’t say anything more to me.
I am now questioning all his moves in my head(he was hours late this day, he smelt werid this day, and eyes liked off this day, that day, and that other day).
I have no idea how I missed it.
Not being mean. U prolly missed it cuz you were drunk, but still, we’re manipulative n secretive when using. I’m glad he told u. It sucks, but now u know.
Put your kids first. He had no right inviting a stranger to them into their home.
And I encourage u to stay in momma bear mode about your babies. Protect them at all costs imo. It’s instinctual n you are spot on and being a loving mother. No debate needed with him about protecting the kiddos. If u watch Tyler Perry movies, Madea would say “hell to the naw” about dude moving in your nest. Heh.
Buzzed, not drunk, I remember everything I do/say when I drank.
I just needed to kill abit of my pain so I could do my day to day stuff.
All in all, you are probably right, I didn’t want him to mess up so I always looked away when I seen a sign he was using, because if I fully didn’t see it, I couldn’t say for 100% he was using again.
Praise Da Lard(lmfao, I love her/him)!
Lmfao, you are killing me.
This does not sound like a good situation for your girls. Without knowing specifics, outside of saying you need to work on your sobriety and keep your girl’s safe, does your man help with finances in running the household ? Does he have a job ? Is he on the lease ? I ask these questions , because if you’re serious about leaving him who exactly would leave or where would everyone go? Wanting to help others or as you say save them is noble however you are trying to be clean and move forward. And there’s the controller issue. From experience, as you change from not being controlled, set boundaries, it changes the relationship. Controllers are the ones calling the shots and are off guard so to speak. They tend to use different tools they have in their toolbox to get what they want . Whether it’s physical , silent treatment , stonewalling… chances are he won’t like it if you assert yourself . His friend needs to get out immediately , it sounds like a dangerous situation. I wish you the best and hope you can get some forward momentum in a bright future with your girls in a safe and nurturing place… Stay clean!
Gotta tell u tho… if u were a hardcore, heavy drinker the past year (as u said), then (like me) u would get drunk…not just buzzed. I was getting drunk, albeit not sloppy drunk, everyday for months when I decided to quit.
Pls know I’m not trying to b mean. I’m really not. You’re for real confronting some deep ish, n it’s helpful to “watch” u grow.
His friend hasn’t moved in, my man’s plan was when we moved to our new place, for his friend to move in.
I put my foot down.
My babe’s come first.
Oh, that’s good to know. I thought he was already moved in. Big decisions for you to make regarding living situations for your future. Stay strong!